


The Bitch of Living

by RebelPaisley



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Adult Language, Angry Mob, Angst, Assault, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blackmail, Bonding, Capable Chad, Choking, Comedy, Complete, Confrontations, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cuddling & Snuggling, Culturally-mandated heteronormativity, Drunken magic, Dubious Consent, Dumb Repressed Humans, Emotional Constipation, Emtional Breakdown, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Fighting, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Happy Ending, Holidays, Homophobic Language, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Internalized Homophobia, Kingdom-wide Homophobia, Love Confessions, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mild Suicidal Thoughts, Multi, Neglect, No Beta we die like vikings, Not Audrey Friendly Kind Of, OT7, Oblivious Humans - Freeform, Political Power Dynamics, Polyamory, Post-Descendants 3, Referenced Assault, Referenced PTSD, Referenced Trauma, Referenced depression, Repression, Roleplay, Romance, Self-Loathing, Sexual Situations, Slash, Slurs, Slurs (F-word), So Far In The Closet They're Discovering Narnia, Sorcerer Jay, Spells & Enchantments, Uma Doesn't Take Your Shit, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Verbal Abuse, Whump, emotions are hard, exhibitionism kind of, sexual revolution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:09:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 53,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelPaisley/pseuds/RebelPaisley
Summary: Homosexuality isn’t a thing in Auradon.  Chad doesn’t make the rules, he just lives by them, so when a drunken Jay tries to upset the natural order of things by magically making Chad jones for his bones, the only logical solution Chad has is to enchant Jay right back until they can find a way to fix the problem.  Obviously, they have to keep this a secret.  While traveling Auradon.  And dealing with pirates.…The things Chad did for asshole acquaintances.Also known as, in the words of Kei_LS - The key to escalation is mutually assured destruction and only half a brain cell for dumbasses to share.That’s it.  That’s the story.
Relationships: Ben/Chad Charming/Gil/Harry Hook/Jay/Mal/Uma, Ben/Jay/Mal, Ben/Mal (Disney: Descendants), Chad Charming/Harry Hook, Chad Charming/Jay, Chad Charming/Jay/Gil/Harry Hook, Gil/Harry Hook, Gil/Harry Hook/Uma, Harry Hook/Jay, Harry Hook/Uma
Comments: 137
Kudos: 91
Collections: just cry cry cry





	1. Dumb Problems Require Dumb Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Just a heads up, but there is the use of some homophobic language in this story, specifically the F-word. It isn't often, but it does happen throughout the course of the story.

For the record, it was all Jay’s fault.

Chad wanted that known until the very end of time. The whole reason this mess started was because of Jay, whose stupidity and overindulgence ended up cursing both of them down a path of tragedy.

Here was how it began: at the private party Ben and Mal hosted celebrating the destruction of the barrier and the release of the Isle kids and the criminals who had legitimately turned over a new leaf. Unlike the grand ball and festival that had been thrown earlier that week, _this_ party was for the royal couples’ closer friends, and how Chad still ranked in that category he did not know, but Ben had still invited him out of pity so he’d done the charming thing and shown up.

Things had been going well until Chad had accidentally bumped into Audrey – who he was fine interacting with so long as he _knew_ it was going to happen, so long as it wasn’t a surprise, because spontaneous interactions had a tendency to send Chad back into the closet she had locked him in that stole all light and sound and sensation and made him want to throw up, only he couldn’t do that because he was a _prince_ so he had to tactfully retreat instead.

 _That_ was what had taken him to a secluded room in Evie’s castle, as far off the beaten path as he could manage. It was unprincely to be seen calming yourself from an imminent panic attack, and Chad didn’t want their pity anyway, like he was some sad puppy that couldn’t handle a little _trauma_. He was fine, and his breath seemed to be coming easier, deeper – not enough that he thought he could rejoin the party, but enough that he wouldn’t have to worry about passing out anytime soon.

Which of course was when Jay stumbled upon him.

As far as Chad could tell, the other teen was wasted. He had clearly imbibed more than what was safely recommended if the way he barely managed to stay on his feet was any indication. He sort of slouched in the doorway, staring into the room with a narrowed gaze that brightened once it landed on Chad.

“ _Chaaaad_ ,” Jay slurred, sliding into the room and struggling to lock the door behind him. Any other day Chad might be concerned, but with Jay’s current state, Chad was pretty sure he could take him. “You are missing the _partayyy_.”

“You should go back to it,” Chad offered, not moving from his perch beside the window.

“But I _can’t_.” Jay’s steps were fumbling at best, not so much stopping beside Chad as collapsing next to him, Jay resting his head against Chad’s knees. “Because _you’re_ here.”

Chad blinked, confusion managing to pull him from whatever dregs of panic that might have remained. “I didn’t realize we were such good friends.”

“We’re not,” Jay groaned, seeming to curl around Chad’s leg. “I hate you a lot.”

“Okay.” It figured. Chad thought they had achieved a sort of neutrality after winning the Tourney Championship their last year at Auradon Prep, but apparently even drunk Jay hated Chad so much that he had to _bug him_ when Chad clearly wanted to be alone.

“Know what I hate most?” Jay asked, a stupid grin on his lips. “I hate your dumb _face_.”

“Thanks, Jay,” Chad deadpanned, letting out a slow sigh. “I appreciate it.”

“No, really,” Jay pressed. “It’s so fucking… _good looking_.” That was not where Chad thought he was going with this. “And your eyes are so- and your _lips-_ ”

Jay set his hands on Chad’s knees, using them to leverage himself up until he was more or less climbing into Chad’s lap, which Chad would have stopped because he didn’t _want_ Jay in his lap, but he was sort of in a state of perpetual shock that any form of Jay would want to _be_ there, so he did nothing.

“Your lips-” Jay said, pawing at Chad’s gaping mouth. “I want to suck them.”

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad hissed, cheeks flushing in secondhand embarrassment because drunk as Jay was, there was no missing the fact that Chad was a guy, and what he was talking about simply wasn’t _done_. “Go back to the party.”

“I want to kiss ‘em,” Jay continued, and it wasn’t like they didn’t have the same rules about this shit on the Isle, Jay knew the standards. “I wanna see them moaning my name while I fuck you senseless and I wanna see them wrapped around my dick-”

“ _Jay_.” Chad grabbed at the other teen’s shoulders, trying to push him away with as little contact as possible.

“And I _hate it_ ,” Jay moaned, ducking his head so he could _lick_ Chad’s neck. “I hate it. I hate you. I hate your dumb curly hair and the way I want to squeeze your butt and lick your stomach and have you panting under me until you can’t remember your own name. I hate the fact that you’re not a girl, because if you were a girl, I could just shove my hand up your skirt and be done with it.” For a fairly inebriated person, Jay was almost impossible to move, all muscles and determined to rest the entirety of his weight on Chad. “And you’d want to, obviously. You’d giggle and moan as I slipped a hand into your panties- and then I think of you in _panties-_ ”

“Jay.” Chad tried smacking his arm though the stupid lug was relentless, licking and sucking at Chad’s neck. “Knock it off.”

“I _can’t_ ,” Jay groaned. “I want to, but I can’t. I hate it.” Between one breath and the next, a red sort of glow started to curl around Jay’s hands, a light trailing through his dark locks that made the strands float in the air – magic, though Jay had always said he had trouble accessing that part of him, though in Mal’s opinion he just wasn’t trying because of _Jafar_ \- “I wish you wanted me as much as I want you,” Jay said, and the magic seemed to _bleed_ into Chad’s skin, warming through his body with a violent _hum_. “I wish you’d get mindlessly horny staring at me; I wish you’d want to touch and taste and lick as much as I do-”

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad panted, panic edging into his mind as the glow spread throughout his entire body, claiming every piece of him.

“-I wish you’d get so desperate to touch me that you can’t think of anything else, that you’d want my cock, that you’d let me have _yours_ , I wish you’d climb into my bed and let me explore you for hours on end-” 

“Jay, _stop_ ,” Chad gasped, because he could feel it, the heat, a relentless thing pooling between his legs, and while he’d felt it before he shouldn’t feel it for _Jay_ , who was very male and muscular and the opposite of what Chad needed in his life, which was pretty curves and painted lips and light, tittering laughs.

“I want you to stare at me like I was Audrey or Evie,” Jay continued, relentless. “I want you to need me like that, like you can’t take your eyes off me ‘cuz I can’t take my eyes off of you. I want you to get off thinking about me, I want you to pleasure yourself with my name on your lips, I want-”

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad moaned, flexing against his hold.

“I want you to be mine,” Jay said finally, and with those words all of his magic seemed to _pulse_ through Chad, leaving him whimpering and helpless. 

When it was over, Chad found himself clinging to Jay, desperate for more contact, to be closer. He wanted to taste Jay’s skin and smell that musk of sweat and alcohol. He had no words for how desperately he wanted Jay to touch him, and while a distant part of Chad knew that was _wrong_ , a greater part of him needed it like he needed air.

“Jay, _Jay_.” He clutched at the teen’s shoulders, rutting up into his solid contact. “Please, Jay. I need- I need you to touch me.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jay hissed, uncoordinated hands fumbling to trace Chad’s torso, though it wasn’t enough. “Yes, baby. _Yes_. I’ve got you.”

“ _Jay_.” Chad seemed incapable of saying anything else, his hand scrambling for one of Jay’s so he could press it between his legs. “ _Here_ , please. I need you-”

“Oh.” Jays’ eyes seemed to be a kind of glassy mixture of disbelief and surprise, but it didn’t take him long to scramble off of Chad’s lap, crouching between his parted legs so he could nuzzle at Chad’s crotch. “Okay, baby, I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“Please- _please_ Jay,” Chad panted, when he really should be saying _‘what the hell?’_. “Please, I need you.”

“And you’ve got me,” Jay groaned, fumbling to undo Chad’s pants. The blond found himself helping, found himself pushing his underwear out of the way so that he was _exposed_ before Jay, and not just like in the locker room, but actually- where Chad was _aroused_ and Jay’s mouth was right there, and sure Chad had gotten a blowjob before, but it had been from a _girl_ , not Jay, who stared at him with an open sort of reverence before _finally_ sucking Chad into his mouth.

“ _Fuck_ , _Jay_ ,” Chad crooned, fingers clutching at Jay’s silky locks. “Jay, you feel so good. It feels so good- I can’t. I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come, Jay.”

And this was- it was _nothing_. Chad should be humiliated by how worked up he was but he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when _Jay_ was touching him, firm hands holding Chad’s thighs open so his head could bob on-

“ _Jay!_ ” Chad cried, coming undone in the other teen’s mouth, though Jay was eager to swallow, continuing to suck and lick until Chad was a whining mess of overstimulation. “Jay. Jay _please_ , I can’t- _Jay_.”

The other teen slid off of him with a wet _pop_ , slick lips pulling into a happy smirk. “You taste so good, baby. I don’t think I can um- fully satisfy you – alcohol dick, you know – but do you think you can go again?”

“No,” Chad answered honestly, though he didn’t fight Jay when the other teen eased him down to the floor, back slumping against the window seat while Jay moved to nuzzle his shoulder.

“Are you sure?” One of those calloused hands groped between Chad’s legs, wrapping around the spit-slicked member and giving it a firm pump. 

It was like electricity. Chad’s body seemed to come alive despite his usual stamina, flexing and whining against Jay’s hold.

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad mewled, pressing a hand against his mouth because what the hell was _that_ sound, what the hell was wrong with his body, that seemed so desperate and needy for Jay’s touch. “Jay, please I-”

“I know.” Jay was smiling, one hand fumbling for his pocket, withdrawing a tube of lubricant. “Here.” He squirted some directly onto Chad, happily working it into his skin with a few easy movements. “Feel good?”

“ _So good_ ,” Chad gasped. “Jay, please- I need, you’ve got to-”

“I’m gonna,” Jay promised, and then he was smashing his lips against Chad’s.

And that should- there should be nothing about that action that was good because his mouth had just been on Chad’s _genitals_ , only after the first taste, Chad couldn’t get enough, and he found himself opening his mouth for Jay’s hungry tongue, soaking in the bitter taste of salt and that was _Chad_ , that was _Chad_ on Jay’s tongue like it was Chad in Jay’s hand getting worked into a frenzy.

Chad wrapped his hands around Jay’s shoulders, eagerly allowing his hips to rut into the other teen’s hold. At this point he didn’t care if he got them both dirty. He _wanted_ to mark Jay’s clothes, wanted Jay to mark his own so Chad could walk around claimed as his and no one could argue, no one would _dare_ because Jay was meant to touch Chad and want Chad and Chad could only think of the feel of Jay’s hair beneath his fingers and his lips pressed against his own and his hand- that _hand_. 

It took slightly longer for Chad to fall apart that time, though Jay was happy to coax him through it, only stopping so he could bend low and lick Chad clean. 

That teasing mouth closed around Chad with a hum, and when he pulled away Chad was maddeningly hard again and whining from it.

“ _Wow_ ,” Jay mused, grazing a finger against Chad. “ _Fuck_. I’d blow you again but I don’t think I’ve got it in me.”

“Jay.” Chad was reduced to useless whimpers now, the object of his need so close but so substantially _not_ effective. “ _Please_.”

“I know.” Jay started tucking Chad back into his clothes, pausing long enough to grab Chad’s hand and ease it into his underwear. “Take this home,” he ordered with a hot slur. “And think of me later when you pleasure yourself.” He started moving Chad’s hand, and it was so unbelievably _hot_ to be guided like this. “Think about my hands on you, and my mouth on you-”

“ _Jay_.” The other teen started to move their hands faster, making Chad’s hips rock into it.

“You could finger yourself,’ Jay offered, like that wasn’t the most _taboo thing in the world_ though Chad wanted it, right there, right then. “Think about my cock in you too.”

“ _Jay!_ ” Chad twitched, felt himself come undone in their hands, soiling his clothes and beyond care because Jay had gotten him to that state, was still guiding him through it, moving Chad’s fingers for him because he was too shy and he needed to follow Jay’s lead-

He groaned when Jay retrieved their hands, making a show of sucking them clean. Chad wanted to suck on his lips, follow the taste on his tongue, but Jay was already pulling away.

“I think…” Jay began with a sort of dopey grin. “I think I’m gonna sleep now.”

And then he just sort of collapsed into a pathetic pile of bad decisions, leaving Chad half-hard and cooling in his own slick. When the adrenaline began to fade away, Chad realized the immensity of his situation, realized what had just _happened_ , and immediately hated himself.

He hated Jay more, of course, but the flood of self-loathing still remained.

And _that_ was how Chad’s year started going to shit. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

When Chad was able to stop panicking, he left the party from the least obtrusive exit – ignoring the way his body screamed for him to wrap himself around Jay and _stay there_ – and made his way home to strategize. Obviously, Jay had cast some sort of enchantment on Chad, meaning he needed to go to the Enchanted Lake to fix the problem. Only the Enchanted Lake was closed under a guise of red tape _bullshit_ while Mal and Evie worked out the removal of the magic ban, meaning that the usual harmless lakeside retreat used for parties and dates was now under such severe lockdown that not even Chad’s stupidly over-paranoid ass could get in there.

That left him with the option to panic and then masturbate to clear his mind, and then try to think of a way _out_ of his problem that didn’t involve telling anyone because if even the barest _whiff_ of this was made known, Chad would be finished. Ruined. Labeled as a pervert and unfit to wear a crown, and it would all be _Jay’s damn fault_.

Ultimately, the solution was obvious. Jay was the one to cast the spell, therefore, Jay needed to be the one to _lift_ the spell.

Except Jay was terrible at magic and whatever he’d done yesterday was a drunken fluke so-

 _So_ , Chad found a way to properly motivate him. At the very least, it would get him someone who was stuck being in on the secret. Granted, that person was Jay, but Chad worked with what he had.

That was what found him back at Evie’s castle the next day, _after_ Chad had skillfully arranged for all the other inhabitants aside from Jay to be out for the evening, leaving Chad plenty of time to accost the culmination of stupidity that had apparently be grossly lusting after Chad’s ass for who even knew _how_ long.

Chad waltzed in through Jay’s bedroom door because he knew it would piss the thief off, or it would have, had said thief not been desperately trying to bury his head under a mountain of pillows, as though that would help him better deal with his massive hangover.

Chad hated that at the immediate sight of Jay, his pulse began to race, warmth stirring in his chest and threatening to shift lower, his mouth watering at the sight of bare skin because _of course_ Jay wasn’t wearing a shirt, that would be helpful.

“Jay,” Chad said by way of greeting, flipping the lights on and locking the door behind him, much like Jay had the day before. “We have business to take care of.”

“…Chad?” Jay squinted from the depths his pillow nest with a look of confusion. “Go away.”

“ _No_ ,” Chad snapped, storming over to the bed, ripping the pillows away and turning Jay over onto his back. He moved to plant his feet so he could begin to lecture but then Chad’s body kept moving without his command, climbing onto the bed and _straddling_ Jay, and despite being exactly where _part_ of Chad wanted him to be, the other half was mortified. 

“Dude.” Jay stared up at him with a look of incomprehension. “What the fuck?”

“You _spelled_ me,” Chad growled, trying his damnedest not to start grinding down on Jay’s abdomen because it was very defined and the very sight of it was making Chad warm. “I need you to undo it, you _bastard_.”

“Um- you might not know this, but I was super drunk yesterday,” Jay offered with a pained wince. “So if you stayed still long enough for me to spell you-”

“You climbed _into my lap_.” Chad was getting worked up just thinking about it, which wasn’t great because Jay might be hungover but he was bound to notice-

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Jay hissed, staring between Chad’s legs. He reached up as though to pull Chad off of him but paused before he could make contact, as though afraid Chad’s arousal was contagious. “Get off of me, you sicko.”

“You did this,” Chad snapped, hot shame burning in his cheeks. “You seemed to think it would be _hilarious_ to make me so damn horny for you that I can’t think straight.”

“Dude.” Jay’s gaze went wide and panicked, flicking to the door before staring back up at Chad. “Not so loud.”

“I already got them out of the house, you _fuck_.” Unable to help himself, Chad started grinding down against Jay, reveling in the delightful twinges of electricity that pulsed up his torso. “You think I want to be like this? I’m a prince, you _asshole_. I can’t like guys. I can’t be like this, and you need to sort your magic shit out and undo this so we can go back to mostly ignoring each other.”

“I- I can’t do that,” Jay mumbled, cheeks flushing but otherwise saying nothing when Chad began to rub against him. “I barely know how to use my powers, and I don’t really _want_ to know how to use them. I mean, look what they did to my dad.”

“I don’t give a shit about your dad right now,” Chad snapped, letting his hands drop against Jay’s bare shoulders and moaning at the feel of hot skin beneath his fingertips. “J-Just fix it. I can’t do this. I think about you _all_ the time.”

“Well… maybe my magic was just picking up on a um- subconscious desire,” Jay had the _gall_ to offer. “ _Maybe-_ ”

“You asked for this,” Chad muttered before he could get too lost, his fingers desperate to trace the lines of Jay’s pectorals. Instead, he fumbled for the holder he had camouflaged on his thigh, withdrawing the ancient artifact that had been returned to the Sardinian vault for protection after the barrier had been taken down.

Jay’s eyes got big. “Is that-”

“Fairy Godmother’s wand?” Chad finished. “Yes, it is. Fun fact, even normal non-magic people like me can use this bad boy, so here’s the deal.” He forced himself up onto his knees so he could do this with a hint of severity. “Until you figure out how to undo your stupid spell, _you’re_ going to suffer under the same effects I am. Hopefully,” Chad explained. “-that will make you slightly more motivated to _get this fixed_.”

“You’re gonna spell me?” Jay ratcheted up into the sitting position, bringing himself that much closer to Chad. “You’re gonna make me a _fag_?”

“Turnabout’s fair play,” Chad decided, grabbing Jay’s shoulder with his free hand – contact that had seemed to work before. “What happened to me, let it happen to you – _Bibbidi Bobbidi boo_.”

There was a brilliant flare of glitter that pulsed through the room, seeming to focus on Jay’s chest before coursing through the rest of his body. Jay gasped, collapsing back onto the bed to flex with a whine, hands trailing across his torso in an effort to steady himself.

That would fucking show him.

By the time Chad had the wand holstered and rehidden the sparkling had shimmered out, leaving Jay collapsed against the bed with a pressing need between his legs, mouth open in broken pants.

“You piece of shit,” Jay moaned, gaze half-lidded and lustful as he stared up at Chad. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I returned the favor,” Chad snapped, abandoning all pretense and yanking off his shirt until he could cover Jay’s body with his own, pressing their naked chests together and groaning at the flood of sensation. “You made me stupidly hot for you, and now _you’re_ stupidly hot for me.”

“H-How does this _solve the problem?”_ Jay groaned, reaching down to cup the curve of Chad’s rear, using that grip to urge Chad against him. “Now we’re both just fags.”

“You were already one, apparently,” Chad whined. “Talking about how you want to suck my lips-”

“Fucking- objectively,” Jay hissed. “You have _objectively_ nice lips. And it’s not my fault that drunk me thinks you look like a girl. Put you in a skirt-”

“And _panties?_ ” Chad pressed. “You were really going on about that, how if I was a girl, you’d shove your hand up my skirt-”

“And you’d like it,” Jay insisted. He angled them together so that their ruts received the maximum amount of pleasure, even though Chad wanted nothing more than for Jay’s clothes to be completely gone. “I haven’t had any complaints yet.”

“I’m complaining _n-ow_ ,” Chad cut off with a shudder, feeling himself come apart in the confines of his clothing. He didn’t know if Jay followed him or not, only knew that in the next moment he was the one flat on his back with Jay hovering over him.

“Of fuck,” Jay said, fumbling for the fly on Chad’s pants. “Oh fuck, I wanna taste it. I wanna taste _you_.”

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad whined, being nothing but helpful when the other teen stripped away the last of his clothes until he was completely naked in _Jay’s bed_ , a place he should not be under any circumstances, especially not with Jay licking at his mess with an eager, warm tongue. 

“It’s a clit, it’s a clit, it’s a clit,” Jay was chanting against heated flesh, nuzzling Chad’s groin after he’d licked him clean. “It’s a clit and I’m gonna eat you out so good.”

“It’s _not_ a clit,” Chad hissed, even though Jay couldn’t response because his mouth was full, he was sober and his mouth was _on_ Chad. “Fuck. _Fuck_ , Jay, I can’t- I’m not gonna last, you feel too good and you haven’t-” Chad let his hands trace the planes of his torso. “You need to feel good too, Jay. I wanna- I’m gonna come, fuck – _Jay!_ ”

Chad wished he could fall apart without chanting Jay’s name but it seemed impossible, _everything_ was impossible, including how good this felt, how determined Jay was to milk every last drop out of Chad until he was left only with pathetic whimpers.

“L-Let me,” Chad gasped when Jay pulled off. “I need to- you can fuck my mouth if you want.”

“Holy _shit_ ,” Jay muttered as Chad guided him back against the bed, the blond pulling the other teen’s pajama bottoms out of the way as though they’d offended him. 

Chad had never done this- had never even considered it because it wasn’t an option for him, and while the size of it should be terrifying, his mouth watered from the need to taste, and Jay let out the happiest sound when Chad started urging him into his mouth, licking and sucking and _fuck_ , he tasted so good, so big and thick and Chad felt full – felt, _vulgar_ _,_ but in the best way because Jay was moaning, had his calloused fingers threaded through Chad’s curls and every once and a while Chad would do something _really_ right and Jay would let out this sound that shook him to his very core.

“Oh fuck, Chad,” Jay groaned. “Fuck- _fuck_. You feel so good, baby. You’re doing such a good job. _Fuck_ \- your lips, it’s too good, you’re too good and too pretty and I’m gonna-”

It was sort of a relief that Jay didn’t last long either, and then Chad was too busy being mesmerized by the taste of Jay on his tongue, bitter and salty and warm and _fuck_ , he wanted more, no wonder Jay had kept teasing him when it was over, this was too good, and Chad was happy with his mouthful and with Jay’s pleasure and-

He might have gotten Jay off two more times, coming in his own hand to the sounds of Jay’s appreciation.

On the third time, Jay finally urged him off, dragging Chad into his lap so he could pump their members together, happy to lick and suck at Chad’s lips just like he’d promised the night before.

Chad didn’t know how much time passed before they were finally sated, but even when they were finished, they still curled up next to each other, desperate to share each other’s space after that horrible thing they’d done.

“What the fuck?” Jay murmured, his hand tracing Chad’s hip and then the curve of his waist, urging him forward until their legs could tangle together. “I sucked your dick. I sucked a guy’s dick and I _liked_ it. Fuck, I can’t do this.”

“Then find a way to _fix it_ ,” Chad snarled, burying his face in Jay’s dumb, stupid chest that was flat and too damn broad. “The Enchanted Lake’s not going to be reopened for another year-”

Jay hid his face in Chad’s curls. “ _Fuck_.”

“-so you have to be the one to fix this.”

“I can’t.” Jay’s hand curled against Chad’s waist, slipping towards his lower back so it could splay against his spine. “I wouldn’t know where to start. They’re not going to let me have access to any of my dad’s old books – not that I’d _want_ them – and he’s the only one who knows the extent of our powers.” He squeezed Chad against him, hips giving a slow rut that seemed more out of reflex than anything else. “Maybe… maybe we could ask Mal…”

“ _No_.” Chad’s hand tensed against Jay’s bicep, his entire body revolting at the very idea. “No one else can know about this Jay – we’d be ruined. Forget going into the professional Tourney league – if anyone found out you _experimented_ with this, you’d be finished before you even started. And I’d be disowned on grounds of perversion and general uselessness. No.” He shook his head. “We have to keep this to ourselves.”

“Then what are we supposed to do?” It was strange to hear Jay so lost. Jay, who was normally the epitome of confidence and certainty, and now Chad knew every part of him, every scar, freckle, and mole. Despite all the sex, Chad didn’t think things could get any more intimate than this moment. “Maybe… maybe we could recreate last night?”

“And let you try drunken magic again? _No_.” That sounded like a recipe for disaster. “No, drunk-you was all for this disgusting shit without being enchanted.”

“I was horny,” Jay insisted. “And you look like a girl in the shadows-”

“I do _not-_ ”

“Let’s just agree not to ever mention it again and I won’t tell anyone about the three consecutive blow jobs you just gave me,” Jay murmured, squeezing him close. “Deal?”

Chad released a grumbled sigh. “… _fine_. My point is, your drunken escapades led to a conjuring of magic that was one-in-a-million. There’s no way we could perfectly recreate that setup, even if we started getting you drunk right now. And I already tried to use the wand to undo it, so that’s a non-starter.” Chad groaned. “When we’re together the effects don’t seem as bad, it’s just that when we’re apart…”

“It intensifies,” Jay finished. “That’s why you were all um- worked up just from straddling me.”

They could argue details, but Chad decided for the sake of time he’d let that one pass. “Essentially, yes.”

“Fucking _great_ ,” Jay sighed. “I’m about to leave on a year-long expedition in a week and you have college. I’m going to be away from everyone, including you. There’s no way we can fix this by then.”

“No,” Chad reluctantly agreed. “We need more time.” Which meant they’d have to resort to some unfavorable options. “So you’re going to have a panic attack.”

“ _What?_ ” Jay sputtered, but Chad had already anticipated his concern and had an answer prepared.

“A small one,” he explained. “A fake, small one, but good enough that Mal will buy your request to include me in your expedition.”

Jay pulled back to give him a dubious expression that was frankly, in this situation, unjustified. “…in what non-enchanted world would I ever want _you_ to join me on our trip?”

“In a world where you spoke to your old buddy Chad Charming, who’s kind of dumb and shallow but for whatever reason _super charming_ and knows all the basic court etiquette of the kingdoms you’ll be visiting, unlike you and Gil. And _good ole Chad_ isn’t doing anything too terribly important next year, not like Evie and Uma and Mal and Jane who are all helping Ben with his reform policies and the Isle refugees – _no_ , Chad’s just going to school, but he could do that online. Think about it.” Chad pressed Jay onto his back so he could drape himself over the other teen, staring him in the eye. “Ben basically gave you guys the title of ambassadors so you could have an excuse to see the world, but you will actually have ambassador duties. Neither you or Gil are ready for that, but I am, and I can take care of that shit and then you can explore and we’ll fuck on whatever fancy boat Ben gives you until either the Enchanted Lake is reopened or you get your shit together. It’s a win-win.”

“When you put it like that, I actually _am_ worried,” Jay said, a pout tugging at his lips. “I don’t want to do it, but it’s probably the best option.”

“ _Thanks_ , asshole,” Chad muttered, pillowing his head on Jay’s dumb, firm chest again.

“I mean…” Jay curled an arm around his waist. “You could always undo-”

“ _No_ ,” Chad hissed. “I suffer, you suffer.”

“Typical Charming,” Jay muttered, but he didn’t disagree after that, so they were pretty much set.

And thus began their yearlong dedication to stupidity. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“You will be proud to know that after _five_ conversations where I swore I was totally not being blackmailed or mind controlled and really did talk to you, Ben and Mal finally agreed to add you to the expedition,” Jay grumbled against Chad’s neck, the two of them making use of the private apartment Chad had set up in Auradon City for this express purpose. “So you should be getting a phone call soon, and also _fuck you_ for making me seem like a giant baby.”

“Fuck _you_ for sex magic-ing me,” Chad snarled, clutching onto Jay’s shoulders as they messily rutted their hips together. They hadn’t even made it to the bedroom, Jay pinning him against the wall and stripping off the minimal amount of clothing to have their interests bared to each other, the two of them making out with sloppy, heated kisses. “If anything, this makes you seem sensible.”

“But you?” Jay groaned, clutching onto Chad’s hips like he owned them. “Couldn’t you have just volunteered?”

“Doofus, Ben’s not going to add me to your gay pleasure trip if you don’t actually _want_ me there,” Chad gasped when Jay latched onto one of his thighs, dragging it upwards until it could hook around Jay’s side, angling them together with more desirable friction. “He’s obnoxiously _nice_ like that.”

“It’s not a ‘ _gay pleasure trip_ ’.” In an effort to express his offense at this accusation, Jay grabbed Chad’s other leg, lifting him up until he was forced to wrap both legs around Jay’s dumb waist and it was only hot because of the magic and _nothing else_. “Gil wanted to explore, _I_ wanted to explore-”

“Two hot guys alone on a boat,” Chad interrupted, swallowing a mewl when he felt Jay begin to rut against his ass. That was- that was _not_ okay but also apparently it was okay and they would have words about this later. “Isolated, in the prime of their lives, alone for extended periods of time- you should be thanking me, I at least make it look less weird, which is sort of ironic if you think of the reason I need to be there in the first place.”

“I don’t want to have sex with Gil,” Jay insisted, choosing to focus on the exact wrong part of the conversation, as was becoming the running trend. “It’s a platonic bro thing, you wouldn’t get it.”

“ _Right_ , of course,” Chad drawled, sliding a hand between his legs so he could find his own pleasure – though with Jay so presently near, watching Chad with an open sort of hunger, he was already teetering on the brink of release. “My point is, what’s done is done. I’ll get the call, I’ll accept the offer, and everything will be okay.”

“ _Fine_.” Jay bit down on his shoulder, hips shuddering against Chad. 

The blond was horrified to feel the seat of his pants dampen with a sticky sort of warmth, knew he should be disgusted but that was instantly overwhelmed by the sheer _thrill_ of it.

“Bedroom,” he ordered, losing the weak hold he had on coherence. “I want you to paint me, _now_.”

“Fucking, _yes sir_ ,” Jay growled, and then he was stumbling towards the bedroom, determined to kiss Chad all the way.

At the very least, they would increase their ability to multitask by the end of this. 

So that was something.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Absolutely not,” Chad’s grandfather – best known as _the Duke_ – said from his position at the head of the table – entirely a power move on his part because Chad wasn’t even allowed to sit next to him for their monthly dinners, he just sort of had to eat like, three spaces away and pretend this was a perfectly normal and loving thing. Which he guessed maybe it was. He had no frame of reference for how other families ate dinner, but he was pretty sure Ben and his parents ate together at least once a week. He’d talked about it once.

Chad didn’t panic, because Chad wasn’t _supposed_ to be invested in this, he was supposed to be doing a favor to the king. So instead he adopted a bored expression, staring at his water goblet in the hopes that it might reveal his reflection.

“It’s a good opportunity,” Chad said. “It would make me seem more involved in the council. Could give Sardinia a more favorable position in the upcoming years.”

“That would be the most optimistic outcome, yes,” the Duke drawled. “Though unlikely the reason Benjamin selected you. You’re too stupid to be considered an optimal choice, Chadwick. He likely wanted to include someone in this venture who could take the fall should things go poorly. And with you as the only one with negotiating experience, it _will_ go poorly, so.” He turned his attention back to the steak in front of him, cutting it in neat strips. “The answer is no.”

Chad hid his offense under a pout, because on occasion his grandfather found those amusing. Well, not really, but it seemed to be the least offensive of Chad’s options. “But if it went _well-_ ”

“You would also miss a year of school,” the Duke continued without looking up from his food. “That’s a year apart from winning yourself back into Audrey’s good graces.”

Through monumental efforts, Chad managed not to shudder at the mention of the princess’ name. “I’ve been rethinking my strategy on that,” he said instead of _‘fuck no, please_ ’. “I think being too eager has left her unsatisfied. Perhaps if we spend some time apart, it would make her remember my… usefulness.” The Duke scoffed at that, but didn’t interrupt. “And I could take care of my basic core classes online.”

“Without your tutors, you would fail,” the Duke drawled. “Thereby wasting Sardinia’s time and resources.”

“I can study on my own.”

The Duke cut him a dry look. “We have seen how well that goes in the past.”

To be fair to Chad, he’d been overloaded with _additional duties_ and _activities_ that had made finding time to study and actually _absorb_ his school material almost impossible. Between public appearances and extra legislature lessons and equestrian competitions and fencing competitions and _Tourney_ (which Chad had tried to beg out of but his father had competed in Tourney and Chad wouldn’t be the _weakling_ who broke that tradition), Chad spent most of high school struggling to breathe, let alone perform well scholastically.

“Ben asked me,” Chad said, instead of bringing up any of _that_ because he knew from past experience how well it would go. “As a favor. A favor from the _king_. This is a good move.”

“It is a terrible one,” the Duke deduced, picking at his food. “But you seem dedicated to this foolhardy path, so I suppose there is no point in arguing. At the very least, it will get you out of my hair for a year.” His gaze slid back towards Chad, falling into an openly bored expression. “You may go now.”

Chad, who wasn’t even half-finished with his food, knew better than to argue. This was how most of the dinners with his grandfather ended, with the former king eating in peace while Chad got out of his way.

His father had stopped attending these meals years ago, likely preferring to dine with the ghost of Chad’s mother. 

“Thank you, your lordship,” Chad said, rising and executing a smooth bow before he turned to leave the dining room. He’d gotten as close to approval as he was ever going to get from the Duke, he should take that as a win.

 _Now_ it was time to sneak down to the kitchens to see if he could sweettalk a roll from one of the new kitchenhands before giving Jay the good news in person. 

It was the little things in life.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“A _year?_ ” Audrey sighed, reclining across her bed in a dramatic pose of one who had been greatly burdened. “Ducky, how am I supposed to survive without you?”

There was a chance Chad may have been exaggerating when he reported his relationship status with Audrey to his grandfather. Coming off her reign as _Queen of Mean_ , Audrey had been perfectly content to settle with Chad, who had always been there for her as the eager little henchman he was. She didn’t really like _him_ , not really, but he was nice arm candy and usually good about seeing to her needs, so she liked having him around.

They were friends, of course. Audrey was still dithering on if she’d want _more_ – always trying to keep her options open, but Chad was pretty sure every other prince would be happy to pass on the crazy that was Audrey, so Chad was pretty much set. 

The crux of the problem was that ever since the whole _temporary evil_ thing, Chad had become afraid of Audrey, because she had been so very eager to practice the new powers given to her by Maleficent’s scepter, and sometimes that involved choking Chad from a distance and sometimes that involved making him grovel on the floor and sometimes that involved trapping him in illusions where he thought he was going to be ripped apart by monsters and _sure_ , she had sort of apologized for that (if ruffling his hair and telling him what a sweet boy he was counted as an apology), but that didn’t really make the _fear_ go away.

Chad knew, deep down, that Audrey wasn’t evil. She was definitely pressured into living up into unrealistic expectations as to what a queen of three kingdoms should be, and that pressure had made her into something that probably hated herself so she hated the world right back, but until she could like, get some therapy for _that_ , she was always going to be the tiniest bit mean. 

Chad managed his fear by not really meeting her gaze (which she rarely noticed) and rushing to accommodate any needs she might have. Which was likely why she didn’t want him to leave in the first place.

“You’ll be okay, Audrey,” Chad said, rubbing her feet carefully. She liked it when he doted on her, and he liked not having to look in her eyes, so it was a win for both of them. “It’s not something I _want_ to do, but Ben asked. And you know I can’t turn him down.”

“Stupid boy,” Audrey muttered, and it was unclear whether she was referring to Ben or Chad. She let out a dramatic sigh. “ _Fine_. I’ll just go to college _without you-_ ”

“I’ll be back in a year,” Chad said cheerfully. “You’ll hardly notice I’m gone. At least, until I come back to you.”

“And you’ll stay loyal?” Audrey asked, a frankly unreasonable request from someone Chad wasn’t dating and also that definitely wasn’t going to happen. “You’re not looking for someone new, are you?”

“I’m going with Jay,” Chad said, making a show of wrinkling his nose. “And one of those pirates. There won’t be anyone for me to look _for_ , but even if there was, you’re the only princess for me, Audrey.”

Did Chad want to marry Audrey? No. He just knew he didn’t have any other options. They couldn’t _all_ throw balls to find their mystery love.

Audrey made a face. “You should keep an eye out for Jay,” she advised. “He’s always been weird about you.”

 _Now_ she was telling Chad.

“He’s just jealous,” Chad assured her, wishing his dumb magic-ed heart would stop racing at the mention of that asshole’s name. “‘Cuz he’ll never be as cool as me.”

“Maybe,” Audrey hummed. “It’s just- he flirts with everyone. He might think it’s okay to flirt with- _you know_.”

Fuck Chad’s very life.

“Not even Jay’s that gross, Audrey.” What a beautiful _lie_. “He’s a womanizer, not a- you know.”

“Fag,” Audrey drawled. “Whatever, just don’t let him like, grope you. You’ve got such a nice butt, Chad.”

“Back at you, Audrey,” Chad said, feeling his cheeks fill with an embarrassed warmth, though whether that was because of her compliment or because of the prospect of Jay touching Chad, he did not know.

“Come over here,” she ordered, making grabby hands at him. “I want one more squeeze before you leave.”

“Sure thing, Audrey.”

At the very least, he wouldn’t have to deal with this for a year. That was something.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Things were going about as well as they could be until they got to embarkation day, where they were met with their first and most prominent hurdle.

“This is Harry!” Gil introduced – Gil, who Chad only knew in passing as Jay’s _definitely not gay bro_ , who was dumb as dirt but sunny as an afternoon sun so that sort of balanced out. “Uma said he could come with us since Jay got to bring a friend.”

“Chad is not my _friend_ ,” Jay hissed, and while normal-Chad would not be offended by this, the Chad whose heart and libido had been magicked by the same asshole who couldn’t figure out what to pack for this dumb trip was deeply and mortally offended. “He’s a _helper_.”

“Harry’s helpful too!” Gil chirped, undeterred while Harry-eyeliner- _Hook_ offered them a suggestive smirk. “He’s gonna help me with the ship since I can’t pilot it by myself.”

“It has auto-pilot,” Chad pointed out, still mostly annoyed at Jay.

“Auto-pilot has nothing on natural _skill_ , blondie,” Harry drawled, and great, he had a sexy accent. Which meant he knew that. Which meant he was probably an _asshole_.

“Look, if he stays here he’s just going to get in my hair while we get the legislature finished,” Uma explained with a roll of her eyes, though she was smiling when Harry turned his dumb, openly adoring gaze on her. Great. So he was an obnoxious good looking guy who was going to be separated from his girlfriend for a year. So he’d be unbearable too. “This way he’s at least doing something useful, and I know Gilly’s being taken care of.”

“I would have taken care of him,” Jay said in a poutful manner that he would totally deny later. 

There was a beat where no one said anything, and then Jay elbowed Chad pointedly in the side.

Right.

“I _also_ would have taken care of him,” Chad said half-heartedly, taking a sip of his coffee because he knew which way the wind was blowing, and that was the way of Ben’s new pal Uma getting whatever the fuck she wanted because he _respected_ her so much. Which wasn’t even a lie, he did respect her, and admire her, and like, stare at her meaningfully a lot and frequently and were Chad Harry he would be a little concerned about this but Chad _wasn’t_ Harry so good luck to _that_ guy.

“Well, it’s done,” Uma said, confirming what Chad had already accepted. “So be sure to bring back my boys in one piece, Jay. Blond guy.”

“Captain,” Chad replied, saluting with his coffee cup.

Uma’s smile grew to a level of true wickedness that Ben wouldn’t be able to see before it was too late. “Harry’s the captain now, blondie.”

Oh. Great. He was on a year-long voyage manned by _Captain Hook_.

He could feel his grandfather’s displeasure from here.

“Awesome,” Chad clipped, deciding he was done with this conversation. “Can’t wait.”

“That’s the spirit!” Gil cheered and-

Sure, okay. Maybe it _was_. 

It mostly wasn’t, but it never hurt to be optimistic.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Harry?” Jay muttered as he pressed the sound-proofing dwarven runes Doug had made for Chad on the downlow strategically around his cabin. “ _Harry?_ ”

“Shut up, Jay,” Chad muttered as he moved to help the ex-thief. They would need to repeat the process on Chad’s cabin next door, taking advantage of the passage Chad had spent a great deal of money and resources to install in secret so they could have secret sexy times because of Drunk Jay’s very permanent decisions.

“But it’s _Harry_ ,” Jay growled, and though he was angry, he was sure to keep his efforts dedicated and precise, knowing Chad would gut punch him if they weren’t. “Gil we could probably get stuff by – he’s an awesome dude but like, not the most situationally aware-”

“Which makes me wonder why Ben chose you as ambassadors in the _first place_ ,” Chad muttered, and as he was every other time he’d brought this up, he was ignored.

“But Harry’s notices everything,” Jay bemoaned. “Also, he’s an asshole.”

“I gathered that much for myself,” Chad muttered, and he probably should have been less surprised when he was pulled from his work so Jay could kiss him, enthusiastically and with great appreciation, and instead of being annoyed, Chad melted into it, because he really was easy nowadays. 

“Damn right, you did,” Jay said when he had gotten Chad all appropriately flustered and taken a mental snapshot with his eyes. “He thinks he’s so _tough_.”

“Not as tough as you, big boy,” Chad said, half-sarcastic and half to get Jay worked up, and he was successful, if Jay’s following shiver was any indication.

“Work first,” Jay said, openly regretful. “We can’t do shit without these runes up.”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Chad moaned, palming himself with a sigh while Jay bitterly looked on. “You suck. This sucks. I hate him.”

“Good, good,” Jay muttered under his breath. “Keep thinking that.”

“Yeah,” Chad huffed. “You don’t sound jealous at all.”

“That’s ‘cuz I’m _not_ ,” Jay sniffed, and if they put up the rest of the runes a little bit faster so they could immediately begin to test them out, well, they were just being thorough.

 _Obviously_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was inspired by the idea that there is no homosexual representation in Auradon, since we never see any in the movies. Now, the practical reason for that is because they were made-for-tv Disney movies and that isn’t a thing they do yet, but I liked looking into the cultural implications this sort of behavior could leave, which leads to a lot of internalized homophobia and excessively bad plans, as demonstrated above. 
> 
> Once more, we have a classic example of drunk Jay making very poor decisions. On a fundamental level, this isn’t great, because it seems like he’s hijacking Chad’s will, but the truth is (that neither of them will ever address) that their joint enchantments allow them an opportunity to act on parts of themselves that they would otherwise completely ignore because of the conditioning of heteronormative Auradon. So by a practical standpoint, it’s annoying, but on a feelings standpoint, it’s giving them something they never would have had access to otherwise. 
> 
> This story will consist of eight chapters of story content, and while it does have some deleted scenes, I am still deliberating as to whether or not I shall post them, as they are excessively dramatic. If I do post them, they will be uploaded with the last chapter. As always, please let me know if I missed something in the tags. I prefer to ere on the side of caution with these things, but when you stare at something for long enough, it can be easy to lose the details :)
> 
> I update once a week, generally on Sundays, but because things have been so crazy lately, I decided to make an effort to update twice a week. So there will be one update on Sunday and one update on Wednesday/Thursday for now. At least, I will try for this. There will always be an update on Sunday, though :D 
> 
> Story Notes: 
> 
> Everyone is eighteen in this story, and it takes place during their Freshman year of college. 
> 
> Lady Tremaine uses Fairy Godmother’s wand in ‘Cinderella 3 – A Twist in Time’, which is one of the better direct-to-video sequels, which is why I decided the wand can be used by non-magic people. 
> 
> Sardinia is my name for Cinderellasburg, as it actually sounds like the name of a kingdom. 
> 
> For the record, Audrey’s three kingdoms are Auroria (from her mom), Ulstead (from her dad), and the Moors, which Maleficent gave to Aurora in the Maleficent movie.
> 
> Until next time :)


	2. The Stupidity of Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - Another general warning for slurs, specifically the F-word.

Chad and Jay were reconvening after a day of tedious but necessary nonsense. For Chad, that involved wining and dining the upper elite of Enchancia to explain the intricacies of the Isle refugee relief legislature they were trying to enact, and for Jay it involved corralling Gil around a literal _herd_ of pegasi, and of the two of those, Jay ended up with the harder job.

The critical factor was that it left them apart from each other, with the growing _hunger_ jabbing at the back of Chad’s brain like a knife, so much so that when they finally reunited in the privacy of Jay’s cabin, it did not take long for them to fall together, rutting their growing needs against each other in a delicious slide as they started to paw off each other’s clothes. 

Chad had _just_ gotten Jay’s shirt off when the other teen’s phone started to buzz in his pocket, and while Chad was hit with the sudden desire to shove that against Jay’s groin and watch him _moan_ , the greater part of him wanted it to _shut up_ so he yanked the device out with a snarl, something that got progressively angrier when he realized who was calling.

“It’s _Ben_ ,” Chad snapped, shoving the phone into Jay’s hand. “Just- deal with him so we can get on with this.”

“Why would Ben be calling me?” Jay asked, staring at the device blankly instead of _answering_ it.

“Because you’re friends, I imagine.” Why did Chad have to point his out? Jay knew Ben better than Chad did, at this point. 

“It’s a video call,” Jay said, panic growing in his tone. “I can’t-”

“Answer the phone, you _schmuck_ ,” Chad said, bodily shoving Jay down to sit on the edge of his bed so he wouldn’t look like a complete doof that just stood around aimlessly in his cabin. 

Jay whined, but he still answered the call, giving Ben a flirtatious smile that did _not_ make Chad mad except for all the parts that definitely made him mad. “Hey, Ben.”

“ _Jay_ ,” Ben cheered, all nice and kind and good. “ _I’m glad I could reach you. How did things go today?_ ”

“Well,” Jay said with a grin, a genuine thing, because Ben was so damn _likeable_ even Jay would put aside his hornyness to smile at the other prince. “Me and Gil rode some pegasi. Harry did some shopping or whatever-” Which just went to show that Jay paid about as much attention to Harry’s movements as Chad did. “And Chad charmed the upper nobility of Enchancia to start a social media campaign to support the Isle refugees, so overall it was a good day.”

“ _He did, did he?_ ” Ben said, choosing to focus on the more politically relevant part of Jay’s report. “ _And how is Chad doing? We seem to keep just missing each other every time I call_.”

That was because Chad waited until he was pretty sure Ben was in a council session before ‘returning’ his calls, because Chad didn’t actually want to talk to Ben, who was like, effortlessly perfect to the point of physically hurting Chad. 

“Oh, you know,” Jay drawled with a shrug of his shoulders. “He’s the same as usual. Uptight. Cranky.”

“ _Jay_ ,” Ben chided with a laugh, which Chad would distract himself with but that _motherfucker_ had just crossed a damn line. “ _Be nice. You’re the one that asked for Chad to come along_.”

“For his expertise,” Jay sputtered, trying not to pay attention to the way Chad sunk onto his knees, struck with a sudden idea for payback. “Not for his personality. I don’t know how he’s so charming to other people-”

“ _He’s been making great headway for the Isle refugees_ ,” Ben pointed out as Chad popped the button on Jay’s pants, easing the zipper down and sure to make as much contact with that obnoxious bulge of Jay’s as possible. Jay, who was tensing and shooting Chad warning looks when he thought Ben couldn’t see him. “ _I know he can be a bit… prickly, at times_.” Oh, Chad was _prickly_ , was he? “ _But deep down, he’s a great guy_.”

“You s-say that about everyone,” Jay huffed, breath hitching when Chad leaned forward to mouth at Jay’s length through the thin material of his underwear, the briefs already damp from his growing anticipation.

“ _I do not_ ,” Ben defended. “ _And don’t try to discount Chad the credit he’s due._ ”

“I’d um, rather not talk about _Chad_ right now,” Jay huffed, free hand tensing on the bed beside him when Chad fully guided him out of his clothes and started licking at his flushed, slick interest.

“ _You need to talk about him at some point, Jay_ ,” Ben chided. “ _I know you and I might not be the closest, but this… **awkwardness** you have with Chad doesn’t need to be there. If you just talked to him-_”

“I um- actually-have-to-go-now,” Jay said in a rush, because Chad was beginning the process of cramming as much of Jay into as mouth as he could, and at this point, he was a damn pro at it. “Thanks for the call, Ben.”

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Ben asked, sounding so wonderfully concerned. “ _You look a little flushed. If you’re coming down with something, you should see a doctor. Jane should have set you guys up with insurance cards right before you left-_ ”

“Ben, I’m um- really, _really_ fine,” Jay gasped, urging himself deeper into Chad’s willing mouth. “I um- I was just in the middle of um- working out, so that’s why I’m- I’m flushed and-” 

“ _Oh_.” Good old Benny boy sounded genuinely surprised by this. “ _Sorry_. _I’ll um- leave you to it. But remember, you can call me at any time, you know? I really want to hear from you._ ”

“Okay, thanks Ben, _bye_ ,” Jay said all in one word, and then he ended the call with a vengeance, tossing the phone to the side so he could dig his fingers into Chad’s curls. “You’re the worst.”

Chad pulled off his length with a wet _‘pop’_ , making a show of obnoxiously licking the tip in a way that always left Jay shuddering. “ _I’m_ the worst? You’re the worst – uptight and cranky, my ass.”

“You _are_ uptight and cranky,” Jay groaned, and just for that, Chad shoved him down onto the bed, making him wait a precious few minutes while Chad finished stripping off his pants and underwear until he was gloriously naked. “L-Let me do you.”

“ _No_ ,” Chad hissed, even though his dick very much wanted him to say _yes_. “You get to wait and take what I give you to keep me from being _cranky_.”

“ _Chad_ ,” Jay whined, a sound that grew infinitely more pointed when Chad fumbled for the lubricant he just about always had on him nowadays. He didn’t know what he was doing, not really, but he knew what he wanted, or more accurately, what he wanted to give _Jay_. 

The other teen was about as shocked as Chad was when the prince worked up the nerve to guide his hand under Jay, sliding between his cheeks to nudge against his entrance.

“ _Please_ ,” Jay moaned in response, eyes going wide with shock and then horror that he seemed so enthusiastic, and Chad could feel him twitching, could feel how his body was so very excited for this ordeal.

“Besides, I could feel how much you liked it,” Chad sniffed, trying to maintain a sense of normality with his goading so he wouldn’t freak out. Of course Jay would be hard for Ben too, Ben was like, the best at setting unrealistic expectations that the rest of the princes had to struggle to measure up to. “You got so _wet_ talking to _King Ben_.”

“I- I did _not_ ,” Jay moaned, taking Chad’s finger like a champ. “That was- that was regular wetness, from your magic spell-”

“You’re even dripping now,” Chad drawled, pumping Jay slowly and watching the clear slick shine against flushed skin. “Bet you wish it was _Ben’s_ lap you had crawled into. Wished it was Ben touching you now, telling you how pretty you are, how good you feel. You want that beast dick, don’t you?”

“N- _No_ ,” Jay whined, but the thighs twitching wider, betraying his real need. “I don’t. Ben’s with Mal-”

“Doesn’t mean you don’t want him to fuck you,” Chad snapped, and then he was flipping Jay onto his stomach, who moaned at the action. “Hands and knees, _Jadir_.”

“You’re such a tool,” Jay gasped, despite the fact he was eagerly sticking his butt up so Chad could finish stretching him out, that twitching hole on prominent display. “ _Chad_.”

“Up,” Chad ordered, and with another whine, Jay pushed himself up accordingly, such a pretty sight that it made Chad’s dumb magic brain breathless, because he looked so very good. 

“Are- are you gonna fuck me?” Jay asked, back arching with a whine, practically presenting himself. “I don’t think you can-”

“ _I_ won’t be doing shit,” Chad hissed, sliding another finger into Jay and reveling at the tight heat that twitched around him. “ _Ben’s_ going to be the one fucking you, alright? And you definitely want that.”

Chad didn’t know the science for this, but he took his time, easing additional fingers into Jay and lubing him up until he was pretty sure it wouldn’t hurt. Jay was little help to gauge how ready he was because he moaned at everything, pressing back into Chad’s administrations despite his protests, his need twitching hard against his stomach.

“ _Ben_ ,” Jay moaned, past the point of maintaining appearances when Chad reached around him to tease between his legs. “I can’t-”

“He wants to,” Chad said, removing his fingers so they could curl around Jay’s pretty tan hip. “Mal gave him permission, and now he’s going to fuck you if you’re a good boy.”

“I’m good,” Jay promised, lying through a moan. “I’m good, I’m good, please fill me, _please_.”

Oh. _Wow_. Yes, that was a picture Chad could live with, Jay eager and begging for it, sticking his ass out like a desperate cry. 

“Of course, sweetheart,” Chad drawled, heart pounding furiously in his chest as he lined himself up with Jay’s entrance. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, that he was actually going to be _inside_ Jay, but the enchantment kept screaming _yes, yes please_ in the back of his mind, and Chad went with it, gently pressing himself in to savor it instead of shoving inside that warmth the way he wanted to, and Jay felt so fucking _good_ Chad wanted to cry. This was his first time penetrating anyone, and it didn’t even feel like a waste, because it was Jay and in that moment, Jay was everything Chad needed.

“Yes, yes, yes _Ben_ ,” Jay moaned, wiggling his hips back to meet Chad. “Feel so good, so _big_.”

Yeah, the guy really knew what to say to get Chad worked up.

“You feel good too, baby,” Chad drawled, letting his hand pet down Jay’s back. “So tight and wet for me. Are you ready? Are you ready for me to fuck you?”

“Please, please, _please_ ,” Jay cried, and with manners like that, how could Chad refuse?

The first full thrust left him breathless, but Jay wasn’t much better, weathering the slide with a violent shiver that ran through his entire body. It felt so good, too good because of the spell, but once Chad started he could stop, fucking Jay in earnest while the other teen crooned and rocked back to meet him. 

“So good, so good,” Jay gasped, head falling with a slump. “Ben. C-Chad. You feel- _ah_ \- _fuck_.”

“Do you like this?” Chad asked, gripped by the sudden need to make Jay articulate his weird perversions so he could stop blaming this ordeal on the sways of alcohol. “Do you like being filled up and used?”

“Yes, yes, Ch- _Ben_ ,” Jay moaned, clutching around Chad wonderfully tight. “It feels _so good_.”

“Would it be better if Mal watched?” Chad asked, and Jay _crooned_ , throwing his head back in a quiet wail while he spasmed harshly, because apparently that was a thing he wanted very much. “You want her to watch this?” Chad continued, savoring the feel of dominating Jay. “Watch you taking it from me?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jay panted. “Mal’s the boss-”

“And she’d like this,” Chad hummed, filing this information away for later and proud of the fact that he’d maintained his composure for this long. “Because she’d get to see her little treasure taken care of. Maybe if you’re lucky, she’d touch you too.”

Chad hadn’t even touched Jay and he fell apart, climaxing with a fierce _shout_ while he clutched onto Chad. The prince made him ride it out, fucking Jay with a vengeance until he could feel the other teen get worked up again.

“Eager for more?” Chad asked while Jay moaned. “Then let’s keep going. I want to _fill you up_.”

Jay’s only response was a quiet mewl and his hips shifting faster, so he likely agreed.

_Lovely_.

Chad lost track of the thread of things after that, lost to the sensation of _Jay_ and control and beautiful, beautiful heat, and the prospect that later, Jay would likely be embarrassed and Chad would have one over on him and everything was _good_. 

Yes, what a wonderful day.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“You piece of _shit_ ,” Jay grumbled, the Agraben curled onto his side and pretending he wasn’t leaking Chad’s slick out of his ass, pretending it wasn’t smeared against his inner thighs, leaving a mess that should be horrific but was actually quite appealing. “I can’t believe I let you fuck me. _You_. Fuck _me_.”

“Technically,” Chad gasped, trying to steady his heartrate and tempted to tease a hand into Jay for no other reason than he could. “Ben fucked you. I just facilitated.”

“That did _not_ happen,” Jay snapped, sitting up in the bed with a wince. Yeah, Chad had fucked him good. “ _This_ didn’t happen. We’re not talking about this.”

“We’re not talking about how you fantasize about Mal watching Ben fuck you?” Chad asked with a cackle, filling with a vindictive sort of pleasure. “We’re not doing that? Because I want to do that, it’s great. Tell me-” he began with a coy grin. “Would you ask by sticking your ass in the air? Strip yourself naked and part your cheeks so they could get you all soaking wet-”

“I’ll show you _wet_ ,” Jay snarled, and then he surged against Chad, grabbing his leg and hooking it around his waist, reaching between Chad’s cheeks.

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad growled, thrashing in the other teen’s hold, but he froze when he felt a distinctly familiar warmth stroking his entrance, because that was _magic_. “How many times do we have to-”

Apparently, at least one more.

And Chad was so damn wet.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _What did I do?_ ” Jay asked through the door of the bathroom, because he was literally the most useless sorcerer in the world.

“I’m leaking, you _fuck_ ,” Chad snarled, using toilet paper in a desperate attempt to wipe himself dry, only it wasn’t working because his entrance kept _throbbing_ , kept releasing this… _lubricant_ that smeared between his cheeks and down his legs and begged him to be filled, and it didn’t help that he was aroused again. “You made it all wet and stretchy.”

“ _…huh_ ,” Jay said, speculative, like that might have been what he wanted.

“Don’t ‘huh’ me, you _shit_ ,” Chad snapped. “I can’t- I can’t go into negotiations _leaking_. You need to fix this!”

“ _I mean… I know of **one** thing that might help_.”

That comment alone had Chad stomping out of the bathroom, and before Jay could get any bright ideas, Chad had him pinned to the bed, using the magic lubricant _he_ was leaking to lube up Jay’s entrance before he fucked him one more time. 

Two more times.

Chad might have lost track.

The good news was, it did _stop_ when he was no longer aroused, which Jay would have known had he not been too distracted moaning at the overstimulation. 

“ _Chad_ ,” Jay groaned into the pillow, splayed out on his stomach because that time Chad definitely had two fingers buried deep within him, messing with the slick and teasing him relentlessly because he was so _mad_. 

“You’d better hope that was a one-time thing,” Chad grumbled, trying not to think about how they were going to have to stealth clean the sheets again.

“I hope you _die_ ,” Jay muttered as he released one more time into the growing mess of the sheets, and if that did not accurately summarize their relationship, Chad didn’t know what did.

-:-:-:-:-:-

It was not a one-time thing.

There were no words to express how much Chad hated Jay in that very moment. Hated his stupid dedication to stupidity and his stubbornness and his wonderful smile and his large muscles and fucking _fuck him_ until the end of time – that was what Chad wanted to do, that was what he _needed_ to do, but he _couldn’t_ because Jay was determined to be somewhere else. So Chad was forced to curl up on Jay’s bed and masturbate furiously to the lingering scent of the other teen, flushing with a terrible shame when he felt his entrance start to leak that awful magic lubricant, the mess smearing down Chad’s legs and onto Jay’s blanket because if Chad had to deal with this shit, so did _Jay_.

He hated it, how empty he felt. It took everything Chad had not to tease a finger around his entrance, knowing it would only lead to other things, _worse_ things, even if he wanted those awful worse things just so he’d feel less hollow inside. He’d taken to using the slick to help with the need between his legs, though even that was a taunt – not nearly enough when Chad wanted Jay, he needed _Jay_ but Jay wasn’t there because he was the _worst_. 

“Well, well… isn’t _this_ a pretty sight?”

Chad’s heart lurched in his chest when he heard the familiar drawl, panic clawing at the back of his mind when he caught sight of Harry lounging in the doorway.

“Finally figured out how to pick the lock,” the pirate offered by way of explanation, eyes dragging over the clothes Chad had abandoned on the floor in his haste to get some relief. Save for a shirt Chad had stolen from Jay, he was naked, which did little to build his credibility. “Didn’t realize I’d be treated to a show.”

“H-Harry.” Chad didn’t know what to say, could barely _think_ – didn’t even realize his hand was still moving between his legs until Harry’s eyes fell towards it meaningfully.

“Ah, you want to show off, then?” The pirate sauntered into the room with an exaggerated sway of his hips, relocking the door behind him before he crossed over to the bed. “Ye know, I always thought there was something wrong with you. What would our dear _Jay_ say if he knew what you did in his room while he was gone?”

“I-” Chad squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing down a whine as his hand moved in a steady motion. Part of him _liked_ the idea of Jay punishing him, which was stupid, because if anyone deserved to be punished, it was Jay, not Chad. “P-Please.”

“Want me to keep your disgusting secret?” Harry asked, though he was grinning, reveling in Chad’s debasing act. He perched on the edge of the bed, gaze falling between Chad’s legs. “…I suppose I could, for the right price.”

“W-What is it?” Chad asked, voice coming in breathy wisps.

“You help me satisfy an… intellectual curiosity,” Harry settled on. “Ye follow my orders, and then we don’t talk about this later. Got it?”

“Y-Yes.” Chad nodded. He was so close.

“Good.” A wicked smile claimed Harry’s lips. “Grab onto the headboard.” At Chad’s surprised look, he added, “ _Now_.”

Chad swallowed, forcing his hand to let go of himself so he could reach above his head, letting his fingers settle on the top of the headboard. 

“Keep them there,” Harry ordered. He started petting a hand against Chad’s leg, and even though it wasn’t Jay, there was still a trail of goosebumps that broke across his skin, small tingles of electricity following the path of Harry’s hand. It didn’t take him long to slide a hand along Chad’s inner thigh, immediately coming in contact with the slick there.

“What’s this?” Harry held up two fingers for inspection, following the path of the wet trail with his eyes. “Have you… _naughty_ _boy_ ,” he chuckled, pulling one of Chad’s knees up so he could see the mess of his rear. “What, were you imagining him fucking you? Wanted to be ready?”

“N-No,” Chad whined, gasping when Harry shoved a hand between his cheeks, stroking against his entrance. “ _Harry!_ ”

“Like that?” Harry seemed absolutely delighted, even more so when he slid two fingers _into_ Chad with no problem. “Huh, you’re practically sucking me in.”

“N-No, I-” _Fuck_ , it felt so good. Better than anything he’d imagined and he didn’t even care if it was Harry _damn_ Hook, Chad wanted more even though he shouldn’t, even though this was the worst thing to happen to him. “M-Maybe we can-”

“Ye don’t get to make orders, blondie,” Harry drawled, slowly pumping his fingers in and out of Chad. “Ye are a _wet_ one, aren’t ye? And so eager, too. Here.” He pushed up Chad’s other leg. “Hold these up.”

“H- _Harry_.” Chad didn’t seem capable of _not_ stuttering, too busy surrendering to shame as he held himself in that awful pose, not that Harry seemed to care, as he was too busy slipping yet _another_ finger into Chad.

“Ye must have been preparing for quite a while to get this loose,” Harry mused. “Tell me, ye got some toys ye play with? Do ye pretend it’s Jay’s cock shoving into ye, ye damn fairy?”

“No.” Chad shook his head frantically, because toys never felt as good as Jay, were barely an upgrade to his fingers. “No, I don’t-”

“Was _Jay_ supposed to find you here?” Harry was curling and thrusting without any real guidance, not that Chad was much better. “Find ye all stretched and ready for him – figured he’d be so horny he might give ye a pity fuck?”

Another thrust, and his fingers brushed against a bundle of nerves that sent _rivets_ of pleasure straight through Chad’s torso, making his back arch with a broken whine.

“ _There_ ,” Chad gasped, feeling his hips rut backwards. “There, please. _Harry_ , please.”

“…there?” Harry was really staring at him now, as though analyzing each and every one of Chad’s movements. “Or-”

“ _There!_ ” Chad moaned when Harry found the spot again, starbursts exploding behind his eyelids. “There, Harry. Right there, please.”

“Ye need me right there?” Harry asked, and now it seemed like he was purposefully avoiding the spot Chad hadn’t even realized _existed_ , depriving him of its pleasures like the true villain he was. “Are ye sure?”

“Please, _please_.” Frustrated tears began to build behind Chad’s eyes. “Harry. Harry, I need you, please.”

“Ye want me?” He slid a fourth finger in, though his movements were torturously slow, Chad clutching around him reflexively, trying to find that sweet spot again. “Are ye sure?”

“ _Yes_.” Chad rutted his hips backwards. “Harry-”

“Since you _asked_.” Harry withdrew his hand completely, leaving Chad terribly empty and depressed. “This is because I’m feeling generous – ye _rat_. If I hear one word about this elsewhere, I’ll _hook_ ye.” He seemed to be fumbling for his pants, though Chad didn’t know _why_ until he realized Harry was pushing his underwear out of the way to reveal-

“ _Harry_.” Chad never thought he’d see another set of male genitalia in a sexual situation _ever_ , so being greeted with the sight of Harry Hook bared and _interested_ should have disgusted him, except Jay had managed to break Chad in such a fundamental way that he was only excited. “T-The drawer.”

“What?”

“Nightstand,” Chad gasped, losing his grip on basic language. “Drawer. There’s- you’ll need it.”

“And ye know this, _how_?” Harry asked, though he followed the directions, pulling out a bottle of lube and a small foil packet. “Did ye plant these for him?”

“ _Harry_ ,” Chad groaned again, holding his legs higher so he could look like more of an offering which was- what was _wrong_ with him, Harry wouldn’t want to see more of _that_ – except apparently that worked because Harry jumped into movement with a low string of curses, sliding the condom on and slathering a fair amount of lubricant onto him before he was pressing Chad against the bed.

“Gonna give ye what ye want, _fairy_ ,” the pirate hissed, lining up with Chad’s entrance with a forceful nudge. “Ye want to be filled so bad? You’re gonna get it.”

With one jerked shift, Harry pushed into Chad – and he was so much bigger and so much longer and Chad felt so much more _full_ -

“Harry!” Chad crooned, clutching onto the other teen’s shoulders in a desperate effort to ground himself. It felt so good, it felt _too_ good and he should be freaking out because Harry Hook had his _dick_ in him, but it was so big Chad didn’t even care.

“You’re so _tight_ ,” Harry grunted, flush darkening when Chad squeezed and clutched around him. “ _Fuck_ , Chad.”

“M-More, please,” Chad gasped. “Please. O-Out then in.”

“I know how to bloody _do it_ ,” Harry snapped, and then he did just that, making good on his word to slide out of Chad before _slamming_ back in with ruthless efficiency.

“Yes.” Chad bit at his lip to keep from licking Harry, because he _wanted_ to do that. “Yes, yes, Harry. You feel so good. You’re so big.”

“Damn right, I am,” Harry snarled. “Big enough to please you, ye twit.” He cursed and growled for show, but he seemed to be reaching the edge of his stamina, breath coming in huffs as he continued to fuck Chad.

“Oh,” Chad gasped. “Oh-oh-oh, _Harry_. I’m- I’m gonna-”

“Not _yet_ ,” Harry ordered, voice sounding hoarse. “Not until I say so.”

“ _Harry_ ,” Chad whined. It was all too much. Harry’s passionate insanity pinning him to the bed, having his way with Chad only to leave him like neglected garbage when he was finished- it was hot and it shouldn’t be.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry growled. “You’re gonna come without me even touching you, fag? Is this-” He rutted into Chad meaningfully. “Enough to get you off? _Disgusting_.”

“Please, Harry.” Chad clutched at his shoulders. “May I come, please? _Please?_ I wanna come.” 

“You’re gonna come with my dick in you,” Harry murmured low in Chad’s ear, angling his mouth in a particular taunt. “You’re gonna make a mess of Jay’s shirt just like ye made a mess of his blankets, but you’re gonna do it saying my name. Are ye ready?”

“ _Yes_.” In the moment, Chad loved the way Harry took charge – and that had to be some kind of side effect of the enchantment because Chad was only supposed to be attracted to Jay. Harry wasn’t supposed to make that list, only he was manhandling Chad with no problem and Chad apparently enjoyed that a lot. Maybe he _was_ broken inside.

“Thought ye might be.” Harry grinned. “Okay, here we go. Together now.” He started thrusting into Chad in less coordinated movements, his breath coming in sharp pants. “Say my name.”

“Harry,” Chad gasped. “Harry. Harry. _Harry!_ ”

He felt the moment Harry lost control, and that was all Chad needed to fall over the edge himself, breaking into a mewling mess under Harry’s watchful eye. The pirate continued to fuck him until he was entirely done, not that Chad minded by any means, happy for the stimulation until they were both panting messes. 

Eventually, Harry pulled out of him with a sigh, collapsing next to Chad on the bed.

“…it’s not that different,” Harry decided with a grunt. “‘Course, ye can do anal with girls, too. The whole-” He motioned between Chad’s legs. “Is gross, but that aside, it’s fine.” After a moment, he sniffed. “So long as you’re not on the receiving end.”

“…don’t knock it till you try it,” Chad murmured in a true daze. He’d been avoiding _that_ for so long, but now that he’d had the experience, he was pretty sure he was ruined. 

“I’m not _ye_ , fag.” Harry spat, ruining their peaceful silence with a snarl as he rolled into the sitting position. “This was out of curiosity alone. I sure as shit am not gonna let you put your dick near _me_.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Chad said honestly, because if anyone did that, it’d probably be Gil.

“ _Whatever_ ,” Harry snapped, clearly not expecting Chad to give up the argument. He tucked himself back into his clothes in angry movements. “I catch ye doing this again, I won’t be so generous.”

“Thank you, Harry,” Chad forced himself to gently offer. The very least he could be was polite, considering the fact that things could have been _much_ worse if Harry hadn’t been horny.

“Don’t _thank_ me,” He snarled, and with that he was out of the room, leaving Chad with his mess and the realization that he had well and truly crossed the line for this whole ‘gay’ thing.

Stupid Jay.

Stupid magic.

Stupid boys.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Harry Hook?” Jay snarled later, face buried against Chad’s neck as he breathed in the offending scent with a growl. “You let _Harry Hook_ fuck you?”

“He _blackmailed_ me,” Chad snapped, because Jay made it sound so simple, like Chad would willingly bend over for anyone when of the two of them, that was Jay’s specialty. “And for whatever reason, that was what he wanted.”

“I can’t believe Harry Hook is a fag,” Jay hissed, licking at Chad’s skin like the true weirdo he was.

“Maybe he’s just an opportunist,” Chad hissed, rutting his hips against Jay’s, because even though he’d gone a round with Harry, he needed more. “I’m pretty sure he’s in love with Uma.”

“If he was in love with Uma, he wouldn’t have left her,” Jay declared, gnawing at Chad’s collar bone. “Instead, he ran with his tail between his legs.”

“M-Maybe they just didn’t trust Gil with you alone.”

“Or maybe he’s in love with _Gil_ ,” Jay countered, grinding them together in a pointed movement. “Whatever. The reason why is unimportant, what matters is that _he_ fucked you before I did.”

“Yeah,” Chad gasped, gripped by a sudden fury those words inspired before he found himself grappling Jay, pinning him down on his stomach. “And it’s going to stay that way for a little bit longer.”

“You can’t be serious,” Jay snarled, twitching against his bed. “The smell of you is all over these sheets. I _need_ to be inside you.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you selected a lock Harry dipshit _Hook_ could pick,” Chad snarled, and then he was lubing Jay with a vengeance, fingering him open until his protesting growls became happy, needy groans.

Chad wasn’t overcompensating for something, he was just keeping things even. The bed already smelled like _Chad_. Now it needed a little Jay in the mixture to bring things home. Obviously.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Chad!_ ” Ben’s dumb image cheered on Chad’s phone. “ _I was finally able to reach you!_ ”

“Ben, buddy,” Chad greeted with an extra slathering of false cheer, because he’d only answered the phone thinking it was Jay, who was supposed to call in like, two minutes. “How ya doing, sport?”

“ _I’m good_ ,” Ben replied honestly, refusing to acknowledge the slight edge of sarcasm in Chad’s tone. It was one of Ben’s gifts. “ _I’ve been wanting to check in with you_ ,” Ben continued blithely, as though Chad was completely unaware of his monitoring desires. “ _Just- you’ve been doing a great job_.”

“Awww- thanks, bud,” Chad said, because if Ben could lay his condescension on thick, so could Chad. “I really appreciate that. Warms my heart down to my very bones to know that I’m still good at talking to people.”

“ _That’s not all you’re doing_ ,” Ben said, brows furrowing as he began to register the first hint of negativity in Chad’s tone. Like he was being _subtle_. “ _You’re supporting a good cause-_ ”

“Ben, chief, I know.” Chad really wanted this call to end. He and Jay had to spend the night apart through what could only be _lunacy_ and they were going to do some very vigorous phone sex but Chad couldn’t do it if he was talking to Ben. “That’s why I volunteered.”

Though his public persona may suggest otherwise, Chad was not _entirely_ a shit.

“ _Right_ ,” Ben rushed to say. “ _Of course, I wasn’t implying otherwise-_ ”

“Look, if you’re wondering about Jay, he’s fine,” Chad said, and at some point during the conversation Chad’s free hand had settled between his legs, squeezing at the growing bulge there through the thin fabric of his pajamas. “He’s still in one piece, Gil’s still in one piece, the ship is still in one piece,” Chad tried to rattle off the important information. “Harry is… probably fine, I don’t know, I don’t talk to him.” That was a lie, but Chad wanted to spread a rumor stating otherwise. “Is there anything else you need?”

“ _I didn’t- I just wanted to talk to you, Chad. It’s been awhile since we really **talked-**_ ”

“Well, champ, we just did,” Chad said, giving his very best grin. “And now I’ve got to go. See you later.”

“ _Wait-_ ”

Chad hung up before Ben could protest. If the guy wanted more details, he could read the stupid reports Chad had to write after every port they docked in. Chad wasn’t going to give him a play-by-play _now_ , especially with the prospect of Jay in the future.

The phone rang again, and that time Chad actually checked the caller ID. He dismissed two calls from Ben before answering Jay’s call with a snarled list of expletives that drifted into something more heated.

So just a typical evening apart.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Do you know,” Chad began with a hiss as he cradled his phone against his cheek, curled up on the squishy couch in the lounge because if he tried resting on his bed, his body would think _sex_ and he just really wanted to like, _sleep_. “-what damn time it is?”

“ _…it’s three pm,_ ” Mal’s voice stated at the other end of the line, sounding the epitome of unimpressed.

“Right,” Chad snapped. “That is nap time. Why are you calling me during _nap time_?”

“ _Are you- you’re supposed to be **working**_.”

“I _was_ working,” Chad snapped. “And then I was sleeping because I worked so damn hard!”

And also because he and Jay kept having sex through like, half the night, and then Chad had to negotiate foreign cultures on four hours of sleep and he just really needed some rest that didn’t end with him naked and fucked. 

“ _…whatever_ ,” Mal sad, likely bored with this conversation. “ _How are you doing?_ ”

“Fine,” Chad hissed. “How are _you_ doing?”

His brain was still waking up to the conversation, so he wasn’t really paying much attention to what he was saying. It was just words, dumb words, and expected responses to polite conversation because he’d been making so much damn _small talk_ that it was now imbedded in his subconscious.

“ _I’m tired_ ,” Mal admitted. “ _And stressed because my dumb friend decided to go on a trip around Auradon without me_.”

Chad perked up. “Do you want to talk about how dumb Jay is? I’d be happy to talk about how dumb Jay is.”

“ _Oh?_ ” There seemed to be a smile in Mal’s voice. “ _Does that topic pique your interest?_ ”

“Always,” Chad pledged. “Yesterday he ate a damn cricket sandwich, even though the guide said it likely wouldn’t settle well with his constitution. And Jay was all, _‘I’m from the Isle, I can eat anything_ ’ and then he spent half the day throwing up like a giant baby.” 

Mal’s giggle was damn music to Chad’s ears.

“You missed Jay trying to ride a horse for the first time,” Chad continued, preening now that he had an appropriate audience to appreciate his dumb Jay stories. “When we were in DunBroch. I told him to take it easy but the dipshit wanted to do _stunts_ and long story short, that is how Jay got dragged for like, half a mile by his _foot_ because he spooked his horse and got thrown off but his foot was caught in the stirrup and before you worry, that dumbass is indestructible so he walked away with only some light bruising.”

Chad had gotten so many pictures. And _video_.

“He is a bad role model for Gil,” Chad continued with a sniff. “Harry and I have to be the voices of reason which is just unfair, because Gil wants to do what his bro Jay does but Jay is an _idiot_ who is going to hurl himself off a cliff one day _for fun_ , I swear.”

Mal was laughing now. Full on laughing.

“ _He’s always been like that_ ,” she wheezed. “ _Even on the Isle. Stupid shit_.”

“I have pictures,” Chad said. “If you want them. I’ve been collecting them in a slideshow. I think I’ll make a collage.”

“ _I want all the pictures_ ,” Mal said. “ _Now tell me more dumb stuff Jay’s done_.”

“Gladly.”

Somehow they spent the afternoon like that, Chad passing on stories to a willing audience and texting Mal pictures. He stopped when he heard Ben come in at the other end of the line, feigning Jay’s return before hastily hanging up, but still – it had been fun.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Did you tell Mal about the horse thing?” Jay asked later, when Chad was hopping into the shower. “Did you send her _pictures_?”

“A gentleman never tells,” Chad cackled, and then he got to ride the high of Jay’s groan, because the girl he wanted to watch him get fucked thought he was just a little bit dumber.

“You’re friends now,” Jay moaned, holding his head in his hands. “I can’t believe you are _friends_. How did this happen?”

“Through negligence,” Chad sniffed, because he and Mal weren’t friends, not really. Chad didn’t really _have_ friends, but now he had someone he could complain about Jay to, so that had to count for something.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Are you texting Mal?” Jay asked the next day when Chad had gotten dragged along on a _nature hike_ and Jay had shoved his foot in a giant ant hill, not believing Chad’s explanations as to what it was. “ _Stop texting Mal_.”

“I am _not_ ,” Chad lied, taking another picture to send to the Lady of the Court. 

She responded with a laughing emoji and a thumbs up, which was all the validation Chad needed for the day.

“…should I take pictures for Mal too?” Gil asked while Jay and the guide tried to beat off the infestation of angry ants.

“As much as you can,” Chad said. “Also text them to me.”

“And me,” Harry added with a smirk.

This was- yes, this was bonding. Maybe.

It was sort of nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your feedback last chapter!! Your support is always greatly appreciated, especially in these early chapters of a new work ^_^
> 
> For the record, this entire story isn’t going to be sex shenanigans. The first three chapters are by happenstance, but chapter four is where we get some real bonding time and Uma being the boss she is. As well as, you know, feelings and stuff. 
> 
> Just a heads up, there’s some heavy rainfall coming into my area soon. It shouldn’t affect my posting schedule too much, but if I don’t update Wednesday/Thursday, it’s because my power has potentially gone out. If that does happen, I’ll update as soon as I’m able to. Weather be crazy, team ;)
> 
> Story notes:
> 
> Enchancia is from the animated show ‘Sophia the First’.
> 
> The idea of Mal and Chad bonding over making fun of Jay will never fail to tickle me. 
> 
> Until next time :)


	3. The Best Laid Plans Are Not Blackmail

“There’s only the four of us on this ship,” was how Harry chose to greet Chad when it was their turn to clean the lounge area, which Chad had volunteered to do on his own but Harry had a weird dedication to nautical duties that flared up at inconvenient times, so now they were stuck doing it in awkward silence.

Chad paused, wondering if this was a trick of some kind. “…yes?”

“ _So_ ,” Harry continued as though that was all he’d been looking for. “I’ve decided I want… regular payments.”

Chad honestly had no idea what he was getting at. “We already get regular payments, Harry.” Chad’s went directly to his private account, though he wasn’t sure what the set up was for Jay and Gil. “Did Jane teach you about online banking?”

“Not _those_ kinds of payments,” Harry snarled, tossing down his throw pillow and stomping across the room until he was within arm’s length. “I want payments from ye. To maintain my _silence_.”

There was a distinct pause.

“You…” Chad blinked. “You want more sex?”

“There are _four_ of us,” Harry snarled just as he finished the question. “And you’re the only fairy amongst us-” Which was actually laughable. “Therefore, if I want something besides my hand, it makes sense to come to you.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Chad said. “Because that would make _you-_ ”

“Do ye want my silence or not?” Harry snapped. “I’d be happy to show the other two what a disgusting creature you are. It wouldn’t be hard.”

Despite himself, Chad shivered, tantalized by the thought of Gil looking on him with that expression of open wonder, the one he used when he didn’t understand the immensity of the situation and defaulted onto his own genuine awe, even if it wasn’t warranted. _Especially_ if it wasn’t warranted.

“ _Sicko_ ,” Harry snarled, grabbing the front of Chad’s shirt and yanking him forward, down onto his knees. “Are ye so desperate to be touched that ye don’t care who knows it? Don’t answer that,” he continued before Chad had a chance to reply. “Your reaction speaks for itself.”

“…Harry,” Chad whimpered, actually _whimpered_ because Jay had cracked his mind in what was likely a fundamental way. “ _Please_.”

Chad wasn’t sure if it was the obvious submission or the thrill of lording power over a prince that changed Harry’s mood, but either way his expression shifted into one of satisfaction, his thumb tracing Chad’s lips with a predatory expression. “…are ye hungry, darlin’?”

Chad nodded, gasping at the fingers that pressed his lips wider, knowing how terribly stupid it must make him look but unable to fight the distinct _thrill_ that shot through his torso.

“Greedy mouth,” Harry tutted, reaching for his fly in bored, languid movements. “I suppose I could fill ye up. Would you like that?”

“Please,” Chad whispered, the words barely audible. 

Fuck. _Fuck_ , he wanted Harrys’ cock in his mouth, it was so unfair. He was supposed to only lust after Jay but the dumb sorcerer must have spread Chad’s propensity towards homoerotic whorishness after his second bout of magic flashback. Chad should grind his reputation through the dirt for this only Harry _damn_ Hook – the guy who was entirely devoted to Uma – was slowly easing himself out of his pants, and for whatever reason the sight of Chad kneeling and needy was enough to get him semi-erect. Which was enough to get Chad _totally_ erect and straining against the confines of his clothes, even though he knew better than to palm himself for relief.

“Alright,” Harry drawled, nudging himself against Chad’s bottom lip. “Eat up, then.”

Chad didn’t need to be told twice. 

He had an unfortunate amount of experience that made the process second nature, had him teasing and licking at Harry until the _captain_ had a steady spew of curses spilling from his mouth as his fingers curled through Chad’s hair. He didn’t tug on him, seemed more desperate to stay grounded as Chad took more and more of that thick length into his mouth.

“Shit, bloody _fuck_ ,” Harry hissed as Chad began to bob his head in earnest. “Ye fucking know your way around a- _shit_.”

Chad should draw this out but mostly he was overcome with the urge to taste Harry, to live with that cloying scent on his tongue. He was so worked up that he could feel himself begin to get wet – in both the front and the back – which didn’t help him with the whole anticipation problem but Harry was close and after this Chad could stumble to Jay- _Jay_ who- _fuck_ , Chad got hot thinking about it, thinking about Jay watching him take Harry apart. Thinking about what encouragements he would whisper, if he’d kneel behind Chad and cup between his legs, whispering wicked things about the skill of his mouth, about how good he felt. 

Chad got so into it that he must have taken Harry by surprise, the captain’s legs seeming to crumple from under him until he collapsed against the couch, hips arching into Chad’s mouth. Chad wasted no time pulling off so he could shove Harry back against the couch, watch his interest bob, flushed and slick against his stomach while Harry stared up at him with a dazed expression, gasping when Chad all but yanked his pants and underwear off his legs, tossing them to the side until he could see Harry in all his glory. 

The captain flushed, from embarrassment or arousal, Chad did not know, didn’t waste time before he hooked Harry’s legs over his shoulders and dived back in, letting his hands run up and down those shaking, bare thighs. 

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” Harry was panting, one hand pressed to his face while Chad kneaded his ass, the captain’s breath catching as that unexplored territory was generously ravished until he was shaking against Chad’s throat. “Fucking fairy, I’m gonna- _fuck_ , I’m gonna- _Chad!_ ”

That was all the warning Chad got before Harry fell over the edge, though luckily, Chad was there to catch him, happy to swallow Harry down and continue working around him until he was a cooing mess, soft and completely spent and likely oversensitive. Chad was used to doing this with Jay, who could come multiple times, so he just sort of kept going, until Harry’s hips were shivering into his touch.

“Fuck, fuck, Chad- _please_ ,” he mewled when Chad pulled back to ravish the tip of his interest, swirling his tongue determinately to get every last taste. “Chad- darlin’, you’re gonna break me, I can’t-”

He whined when Chad finally pulled off him, chest heaving with exertion, though it was a short-lived victory because Chad was already turning him over, coaxing his hips higher while Harry’s hands scrambled against the couch cushions.

“What are ye-” He cut off when Chad pressed a kiss against him, breath seeming to catch in his chest. “Chad-”

That was all he managed before Chad started licking him in earnest, hands firm on Harry’s hips as he worshipped that pretty pale skin. Chad took his time eating Harry out, sure to reach around to palm between Harry’s legs, reveling in the firmness that twitched against his fingers while Chad worked his magic. If Harry wanted payment, he would get it, but he was going to have to deal with the random urges of Jay’s enchantment because even Chad hadn’t realized this had been on the table until he’d gotten Harry half naked beneath him, whining and panting and acting so responsively-

“ _Fuck_ ,” Harry crooned against the cushions, fingers flexing against the material while he continued to get wetter and wetter. “Fucking, _fuck_. I- You- _ah_.”

Chad liked it when he became incoherent, when Chad managed to time his efforts with the work of his hand, until Harry was a truly disoriented mess whimpering against the couch. 

“ _Please_ ,” Harry whined, when Chad had held him at the edge after a few minutes of teasing. “Chad, _please_ , I need- I need to, _please_ it- it feels so good, I need- _Chad!_ ”

Because Chad was not entirely cruel, he pulled away and flipped Harry at the moment his release claimed him, keeping the couch clear of any evidence of their misdeeds.

Harry’s shirt wasn’t so lucky, and neither was his face, though that didn’t seem to matter as much as Chad teased him through it. He was so hot. So hot and hard and he wanted to bounce Harry in his lap so badly, see how long it took him to surrender to how good it felt.

Harry was mostly incoherent by the time Chad licked him clean, his expression painted with a blush so pretty it was sinful. 

_Fuck_ , Jay’s enchantment had made Chad a real weirdo, but Harry had gotten worked up from this stuff _without_ it, which made Chad wonder if there was more to the eyeliner and flamboyant personality thing after all. 

“…ye fuck,” Harry breathed when he had gathered more of his composure. “I should hook ye.”

“So you don’t want more?” Chad asked, guiding a hand between his cheeks to toy with Harry’s slick entrance.

The captain shuddered. Then scowled. “ _I’m_ the one in control here, not- not you.”

“You want payment?” Chad hummed, continuing his light teases, mostly to watch Harry’s responses, which all seemed positive. “You’ll get it, but you’re gonna have to take the luck of the draw.”

“What does that mean?” Harry hissed, and that might have been the last coherent thing he said before Chad lubed up his hand and fingered Harry into his third release, though at the very least he was kind enough to let the pirate fall apart in his mouth. 

It was the small things in life, Chad marveled as he tucked Harry back into his clothes, leaving the pirate dazed and close to unconscious on the couch. _Now_ Chad needed to find Jay and hopefully fuck his brains out. And also brag, because this might be stupid but Jay was going to be _pissed_ that Chad got one up on Harry and he hadn’t.

It almost made Chad fear for the young Hook. _Almost_.

He wasn’t that generous.

-:-:-:-:-:- 

“I’m fucking ye this time,” Harry hissed when he finally cornered Chad in his bedroom, as though Chad had not been waiting in minor anticipation after Jay and Gil had left to do Jay and Gil things. Probably platonic bonding while Jay stared at Gil’s ass. 

Not that Chad blamed him, it was a very nice ass.

“Oh, are you?” Chad hummed, instead of the ‘ _fuck yes, you will_ ’ the enchantment begged for him too coo, would have likely followed it up with an enthusiastic strip tease before splaying himself across the bed. Only now Chad had a taste of dominating Harry, of pleasuring him so fully it made him ache even now, which made things like instant gratification seem so paltry in the wake of rewards he had to truly work for. “You sure that’s what you want?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Harry growled, locking Chad’s door in efficient movements before he shrugged out of his signature red coat, kicking off his boots. “That _is_ what I want. Now, get to strippin’.”

“Let me get you wet, first,” Chad cooed, and then he fell to his knees before Harry, watching as the captain’s pupils dilated with pleasure, thereby confirming that as long as Chad willingly submitted to Harry he could pretty much get away with murder, considering how little he was capable of turning Chad away. 

_That_ was how he got Harry splayed across his bed and moaning, properly divested of his pants and underwear, that knitted tank of his rucked up his chest to reveal a quivering abdomen while Chad did his damnedest to drag out the blowjob for as long as possible.

“Fucking _fuck_ ,” Harry hissed, groaned when he heard Chad lube up his fingers, and for all that he growled, he shifted into the press of Chad’s hands as he began to trace the captain’s entrance. “You fucking corrupted me. You fuckin’- ah- _ahh_.”

Fingering Harry was beginning to be one of Chad’s favorite pastimes, mostly because Chad could _feel_ how much he enjoyed the contact, each response squeezing around Chad’s fingers as he probed deeper, could taste the appreciation on his tongue. Captain Grumpy-Pants had four fingers inside of him and seemed ready for more by the time Chad pulled off and out of him, Chad re-lubing Harry’s entrance while he fumbled for a condom. 

“ _Shit_ ,” Harry hissed, but it was a half-hearted thing, cut off with a moan when Chad began to lazily tease a hand between his legs as he shuddered to get himself ready.

“Yes,” Chad agreed with a shiver, lubing himself up before taking a hold of Harry’s pale legs, pushing them towards his chest so he could align himself with that slick entrance. “It’s pretty exciting.”

Harry shuddered at the first brush of contact, the interest between his legs twitching in responsive appreciation that he valiantly tried to ignore.

“You’re gonna have to stay relaxed, okay sweetheart?” Chad soothed, reveling in the way Harry’s flush darkened at the casual pet name. “This will hurt at first, but I promise it will get better. Just, tell me if I need to slow down.”

“Get _on_ with it,” Harry snapped, but then he was gasping, squeezing around Chad in a reflexive shudder while the blond slowly pushed himself inside. 

Oh wow. _Fuck_. Harry felt so good. Jay usually felt this good but hot holy damn had Chad not been expecting it from Harry, who was so very tight but so very _interested_ and what the hell even was this. Maybe Jay’s dumb enchantment caused them to send off sex-seeking pheromones or whatever, it was the only thing that could explain _Harry Hook_ willingly taking one up the ass. 

“ _Move_ ,” Harry ordered, shifting his hips impatiently. “Stop _lookin’_ and move, ye stupid-” He cut off with a warbled cry when Chad followed his instructions, trying to angle himself to find that certain spot and likely getting close based on the way Harry gasped. “W-What?” Harry groaned, so wonderfully breathless. “What was- ye did that earlier-”

“ _That_.” Chad smirked. “Is your prostate, my friend. Let me just-”

He pulled back and then shoved more meaningfully against it, making Harry trail off in a crow of incoherency. 

“M-More,” Harry crooned, writhing beneath him. “D-Do more, I-”

“We’ll get there,” Chad promised, and then he set off to establish a special rhythm, knowing that if he lost it he could just tease between Harry’s legs until he got hard again, until Harry was properly satisfied.

He found that he greatly enjoyed satisfying Harry.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Harry was panting, raking his hands across his chest as he continued to moan with interest. “ _Shit_ , it feels so good. I- _fuck_.”

“Does it?” Jay’s voice drawled from the doorway, and Chad would have wasted a moment cursing him out had Harry not tightened around him so deliciously. “Well, well, _well_ ,” Jay continued, twirling his lockpicks between his fingers while Gil trailed in wide-eyed behind him. “What have we got _here_?”

“…Harry?” Gil asked, a blush coloring his cheeks as he looked on the state of his debauched friend, his gaze falling pointedly between Harry’s legs. “…what are you doing?”

“Looks like butt stuff to me,” Jay hummed, likely _thrilled_ that he’d finally caught Chad and Harry in the act, that he got to have Harry at his mercy while the captain snarled and shuddered.

“What’s butt stuff?” Gil asked as he wandered closer, gaze widening when he realized _what_ Chad was actually doing to Harry. “Oh, _wow_.”

“Yeah,” Jay laughed. “That’s one way to put it.”

“ _Assholes_ ,” Chad hissed, already done with this taunting. “You can either join us or you can _leave_ , but either way, shut the damn door.”

“We can join you?” Gil said, completely missing the point of Chad’s ultimatum as he bounded closer to the bed, coming to a crouch next to it. “How can I help?”

“ _Gil_ ,” Harry murmured, close to whining but interest tellingly _peaked_ based on the second mate’s enthusiasm.

“Take all that stuff off your hands,” Chad ordered, passing over his lube. “Then use this to work him over the same way you’d do yourself.”

“Got it.” Gil nodded, face set in a serious expression of concentration, as though this was the most important order he’d ever been given. He made short work of taking off his rings and gloves, slathering his hands with lube while Harry watched on, swallowing whimpers. It got worse when Gil finally touched him, Harry squeezing _hard_ around Chad in response, letting the blond know that Harry was not long for this session. 

“ _Gil_ ,” Harry hissed, hips shuddering into the blond’s contact as he slowly fumbled with Harry. “P- _Please_.”

“Wow,” Jay drawled, returning to the bed after he’d followed Chad’s order to lock the door. “Never thought I’d see the day where Harry Hook was desperate to have a guy’s hands on him.”

“Shut it, _Jay_ ,” Harry snarled, cutting off with a choked sound when Jay casually rucked his tank top higher, until his pectorals were visible, a lovely flush dusting the tops of them that had spilled down from his neck. The captain fumbled for Jay’s wrists when he started teasing pert nipples, not that Harry ever pulled him away, likely overwhelmed by the three separate but distinct points of contact.

“ _Ah_ \- Jay, I-” Harry gasped, something that transformed into an enthusiastic _moan_ when Jay reached forward and started nipping with his _teeth_.

With that much attention, it was no wonder Harry fell apart shortly after Gil and Jay had joined, the Gil’s eyes going wide when Harry enthusiastically released into his hand. 

At the very least, Chad had managed to get something from this as well, satisfy the itch for now, and it was with that comfort that he pulled out of Harry, tying up and discarding the condom with a lazy lob of his hand. 

“You think you can still go, Harry?” Chad asked as he set his clothes back to rights. “I think Gil would be happy to help you, if given the chance.”

“G-Gilly,” Harry whined, thighs spreading reflexively as Gil stimulated oversensitive flesh. “Do ye really wanna-?”

“Yeah,” Gil admitted, gazed locked on where Jay was teasing Harry’s nipples with his hands once more, the Agraben grinning at the way Harry seemed to eagerly respond to Gil’s attention.

“Would you like to fuck him, Gil?” Chad asked, gaze sliding past the firm bulge of Gil’s groin, greedy fingers wanting to tease and lick at it but feeling particularly generous, for once.

Gil’s flush darkened. “Like how um- you were?”

“Yeah.” Chad nodded, getting out another condom. “I think Harry would really like it if you fucked him.”

Based on the pointed interest growing between Harry’s legs again, Chad was pretty sure that was a hundred percent accurate.

“G-Gil shouldn’t be doing this,” Harry gasped, arching into Jay’s hands.

“Why?” Chad asked. “It’s perfectly natural.”

It wasn’t, but maybe if he pretended it was it would make this way less weird for everyone involved.

“As long as you both want it, it’s fine,” Chad continued, and Harry didn’t argue even if maybe he should, further proving Chad’s theory about Jay’s wonky magic spreading.

Chad curled around Gil’s back so he could undo his fly, reveling in the slight hitch of Gil’s breath when Chad finally got a hand directly on him, savoring the feel of hot, thick flesh and _wow_ , if Harry had enjoyed Chad then Gil was going to be a real treat based on the way he moaned against Chad’s fingers, whining under the slight contact of the condom being slid on and Jay slathering him with lubricant. 

“Here,” Chad said, letting Gil sit on the edge of the bed and trying hard not to stare at his genitals. “You can bounce him in your lap.”

“I can _what_?” Gil flushed, and Harry whined, but it didn’t matter because between Chad and Jay they had Harry’s back to Gil’s chest, got the blond’s hands settled on Harry’s legs so they could control his dissent, until they got to see the lovely vision of Harry stretching to take Gil in, his head falling back in broken moans. 

“Gil, Gil, _Gil_ ,” he chanted as the blond slowly slid in, Gils’ face screwed with concentration while Harry’s thighs trembled. “Ye feel so- you’re so _big_.”

“And you’re tight, Harry,” Gil moaned, breath coming in sharp pants. “Oh, _wow_ , you feel so good. I’m gonna- I’m sorry, I’m gonna-”

“It’s okay, Gil,” Chad soothed, running a hand through Gil’s curls, and there was a chance that Gil was probably a virgin because he lost it not much after, barely managing to thrust into Harry twice before he’d come completely undone.

Harry whimpered through it, likely feeling Gil’s release. He was, of course, still very much unsatisfied now that they’d worked him up again, which simply wouldn’t do.

Jay was already one step ahead of Chad, sliding on a fresh condom and lubricating himself while Chad tried to ease Harry back to his feet.

“ _Fuck_ ,” the first mate hissed once he realized what was happening. “ _Shit_.”

“There a problem?” Jay asked with a quirked brow.

“Just get on with it,” Harry snapped, ducking his head with a flush.

“You can return the favor later, if you want,” Chad offered, sliding to his knees as Jay stepped up behind Harry, letting his hands settle on the pirate’s pale hips. “But for now, why don’t I reward you for being so nice to Gil?”

Between Jay’s rutting and Chad’s mouth, it didn’t take long for Harry to fall apart again, the captain moaning at each of Jay’s pointed thrusts, Chad shifting to compensate for it. By the time they were done, Harry was entirely exhausted and bare, Jay having stripped off his tank top so that he could curl the naked pirate against Gil’s broad chest, Harry letting out flushed, mumbled protests because apparently he had a crush on the blond or something. 

Because Chad was not entirely a dick, he ran a warm bath with the muscle relaxers that would keep Harry from feeling too sore the next day and had Gil supervise that bathing session, the blond approaching it with the same seriousness as before, cleaning every inch of Harry with a wet cloth before disappearing into his room with naked Harry curled in his arms and the oils Chad had given him, determined to massage the captain into a proper state of comfort.

“Did we create a monster?” Jay asked, watching them go with amusement. “A weird, weird monster?”

“I think they’re kind of cute,” Chad admitted, and they spent a moment silently deciding not to comment on what was obviously a lapse of judgement on Chad’s part. 

Clearly, the enchantment was getting to them if they thought _that_ kind of behavior was okay, but still-

It was Gil and Harry. The guys had it hard enough as it was, if this made them happy – even if it was _weird_ , was it really that bad?

Chad decided then and there that he didn’t care. It wasn’t his business. And it would firmly _stay_ not his business so long as he didn’t get involved.

“So…” Jay began with a low drawl. “You want a bath or a massage?”

“Who says I can’t have both?” Chad grinned, and then the race was on to see who could strip the other out of their clothes first, because when one was forced to deal with magic compulsions, they may as well find a way to make them more tolerable by appealing to your competitive spirit.

It was the little things in life.

-:-:-:-:-:- 

“Ye shouldn’t have taught him that,” was how Harry snarled Chad awake, the captain still very much naked in his rush to yell at Chad, who was still blinking his way towards coherency. 

He and Jay had gotten a little rough yesterday, both of them riding the high of fucking Harry, but Chad was the one with advanced hand-to-hand combat training so it was Jay that ended up pinned against the bed while Chad took him, saying how he was just like Harry now, and didn’t he wish it was Gil fucking him, and a few other things that had kind of gotten weird in retrospect.

Sex magic made things dumb, was Chad’s point. It was best not to dabble in it, but here they were. 

“…what?” Chad asked when he realized the naked Harry posed above him was very much not a hallucination. It made Chad wish he hadn’t abandoned Jay for his own bed last night, but something about involving two other individuals in their sordid deeds made Chad need _space_ , so they’d parted ways for once, passing out exhausted in their own beds.

Which meant Chad was also naked, but at least he had a blanket protecting him from angry Harry.

“ _Gil_ ,” Harry hissed, his fingers curling into the sheets on either side of Chad’s shoulder. “It wasn’t right. He’ll think it’s _normal_.”

“It _is_ normal,” Chad snapped, lying through his teeth because otherwise he’d have to admit to hating something he appeared to love very much. “You’re a human, I’m a human, we had sex. That’s a thing humans do. Ergo, it’s normal.”

“Ye know damn well it isn’t,” Harry hissed, and his frustration would have been a tad more believable if he hadn’t settled down to straddle Chad’s hips, which were destined to get very interested any moment now. “If it was normal, people would _do it_. But it’s not. It’s something only _freaks_ and _fairies_ do-”

“If you hate it so much, why did you demand sex payments from me?” Chad asked, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

It was too early for this. Or late. He didn’t know.

Harry turned a lovely shade of red. “It wasn’t- _I was supposed to fuck you_.”

“Then fuck me,” Chad groaned, growing tired of this nonsense. He could already feel himself begin to warm up, his body reacting to Harry’s proximity with a growing want, and if he was almost there, then Harry would be too. “I’m sure as shit not going to complain, your dick’s awesome.”

Chad was hoping that maybe some compliments would ease the wounds to Harry’s ego, and it seemed to work, with the added bonus of making the captain’s cheeks heat with a dark flush.

“D-Damn right, it is,” Harry stuttered, shifting uncomfortably. “But that’s not why I came here.”

“No,” Chad agreed, and with a sigh he flipped Harry so that _he_ was pressed flat against the mattress and Chad was posed over him. “You came to assert your authority, and also because you were worried about Gil.” He started teasing between Harry’s legs, who was already half-hard. “Because while _you_ know how to be discreet, he doesn’t, and you’re worried he might do something in public that might get him hurt. Which,” Chad moved his hand faster. “-if you think about it, is very sweet.”

Harry let out a snarling protest on what seemed to be principle. “I am not sweet. I’m just _practical_ -”

“Practically _sweet_ ,” Chad cooed, pausing long enough to squirt some lubricant onto his hand so he could really rock Harry’s world, grinning when the captain’s hips rutted into his contact. 

Yeah, Chad could feel himself get wet, his entrance practically begging for Harry, and from the looks of it, he wouldn’t have to wait long. 

“You uh- gotta give Gil more credit,” Chad breathed, fumbling for a condom because _to hell with it_ , Chad wanted to ride his dick like, _now_. “Just sit him down an explain why he has to be subtle- he’s not stupid, he’s going to realize that there’s like- no gay couples in the world.”

He took his time sliding the condom onto Harry, the captain’s legs twitching reflexively wider. Yes, yes, _fuck_ , yes. Chad wondered if Jay was getting to fuck Gil right now. Probably not, but still, _nice_. 

“H-He forgets things,” Harry gasped when Chad huddled over him, aligning Harry’s length with his entrance before he slowly settled into the captain’s lap, groaning at the wet, hot slide. “He- _fuck_.”

“Yesssss,” Chad moaned, letting his head fall back as he squeezed around Harry pointedly. “If you express your concern properly, he won’t um- forget this and- _shit_ , Harry.”

“You’re so _wet_ ,” Harry moaned, that pretty flush spilling down his pale chest as Chad began to slowly work himself up and down the captain’s hard length. “H-How?”

“Family secret,” Chad hissed. “Fuck, _fuck_ , man. You were like, the first person to ever fuck me and now I can’t get enough of it. Seriously, _fuck you_.”

“I- _no way_ ,” Harry gasped. “I wasn’t- I couldn’t have been-”

“You never forget your first,” Chad said wryly, sure to hold Harry’s gaze while he sank himself down, taking all of the captain within him. _Yes_. It felt good to be full. “Harold Hook, you saucy minx – you should be proud of that dumb dick of yours.”

“Ah- _ahh_ ,” Harry moaned. “How can ye be so damn _coherent?_ ”

“It’s a gift,” Chad gasped, starting to move himself faster. “But fuck, if it’s coherency you want to get rid of, I’ll try and do a better job.”

With that, Chad started squeezing Harry with a vengeance, reveling in every pulse and slide until he felt Harry lose it, saw him fall apart and decided _no_ , he wasn’t done, so he reached down and teased the base of Harry’s length until he filled to life again, and then Chad rode that too, and then a third time, when he had to bite at Harry’s nipples and mark up his neck to get him to the end of the road, but it was worth it. 

When Chad finally pulled off, Harry looked hopelessly dazed, slick leaking out the base of his condom and smearing against his pelvis. He whined when Chad pulled the thing off of him, tying the condom off and throwing it away before cleaning the captain with his mouth, Harry whining all the while.

“ _Please_ ,” he groaned when Chad was considering the merits of coaxing him towards a fourth release. “Please, darlin, I _can’t_.”

“Fine,” Chad mumbled when he pulled off of Harry, giving the tip of his length a kiss before he tucked him under the covers. “Maybe next time.”

Harry’s chest was heaving, and for all his protests, he still seemed content to cuddle into Chad, like it was perfectly natural. “You’re going to kill me.”

“Maybe,” Chad allowed with a shrug. “But the sex will be good.”

“The fuckin’ messed up thing is that it _will_ be,” Harry groaned just before he fell unconscious, always one to try and get the last parting word.

Stubborn shit.

But he was growing on Chad, so that was something to probably be worried about. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Did your dumb magic like, mutate?” Chad asked Jay later, after they’d showered and wandered into the public spaces of the ship to pretend everything was perfectly okay while Harry and Gil slept their morning sexings off (Jay _had_ definitely gotten with Gil, and Chad called it, and also had dibs for tomorrow). 

Jay shot him a pissy look. “No, it did not _mutate_ ,” he said, taking a vicious sip of his coffee. After a beat, he added, “I think.”

Chad rolled his eyes, then rolled them again for good measure, in case Jay had missed it. “Why are we sex crazy for other people now?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Jay hissed, shooting a look to the door as though Chad had not set up alerts for when Harry and Gil stumbled out of their sleeping quarters. Only one of them was irresponsible here, and it was not _Chad_. “Your dumb spell has me itching to touch Harry dipshit _Hook_. What the hell is that even about?”

“Don’t look at me,” Chad sniffed, taking a vindictive gulp of his coffee. “My spell just reflects your drunken mishap. It’s basically a mirror in every way. If our… proclivities are straying towards other people, that’s on _you_ , not me.” 

Jay made an unhappy face. “There is no world where I would willingly shack up with Harold Hook. Gil… _maybe_ , but not Harry, and I definitely fucked that guy.”

“And liked it,” Chad added, because he was a petty soul.

Jay let out an unhappy groan. “Look, it has to be the alcohol. Obviously whatever I did wasn’t entirely stable. It was wild magic, and it’s mutating, like you said.”

Chad frowned, considering the implications. “Do you think it could spread?”

The look Jay gave him was best described as mindless panic, which spoke volumes to about how helpful he would be for the situation. 

“…it _shouldn’t_ ,” he settled on. “I um… I’m not great with magic-”

“Obviously.”

“-but I don’t think it has,” Jay continued as though he hadn’t heard him. “I would have sensed it.”

There was a pause.

“…so they just… like this?” Chad asked, shifting uneasily. 

It came from the last two people Chad had suspected. Well, he might have suspected Gil, but who _wouldn’t_ have suspected Gil? He liked everyone. He would probably be one of the few humans in all of existence given a free pass for being gay, because he was just that damn likeable. It was unfair.

Why couldn’t Jay have sex-magiced _him_?

“…I guess?” Jay said, shrugging while pointedly avoiding eye contact. “Hook has always been different. Like, he’s devoted to Uma but I always thought, you know, it was a little _too_ much.”

“Like he was compensating for something,” Chad surmised.

Jay made a face, then nodded. “Probably, and Gil-”

“Gil likes everyone,” Chad said, and they left it at that. 

“…I don’t hate them,” Jay said after a pause, gaining Chad’s attention. “I mean, not because of that. I thought I would, they _say_ we should, but-”

“They’re just human,” Chad said, voice casual despite the fact that his heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. “Just like we are.”

“Right.”

That time when they drifted into silence, they let the conversation go completely. There wasn’t any point to digging further when they didn’t have any real answers. So what if they were maybe traveling with two queers, Harry was still a good captain (as much as Jay hated to admit it) and Gil was still Gil, and therefore the best of them.

So.

It was probably fine.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Harry must have been able to talk some subtlety into Gil, because the blond didn’t make an overtures in public that were greater than the casual affections he distributed on a regular basis.

On the ship though, things were different, because now that Gil knew he could have _more_ , he tried to get it, only he didn’t always jump in for the deep and heavy sex stuff and sometimes just like... cuddled.

Chad would wake up with the big teen curled around his back. Or they’d sit down for a movie night (enforced by _Mal_ , no shit, because she was afraid they wouldn’t ‘bond’ otherwise), and Chad would find himself pulled into Gil’s lap. Or he’d watch Gil do the same for Harry, who would sputter and fight him before eventually giving up with a _sigh_ , flopping back against Gil’s chest and pretending that was not entirely where he wanted to be. 

The first few times that happened, Jay and Chad shared looks that were probably stupidly nervous and awkward before Chad bit the bullet one night and pulled Jay into _his_ lap, which was met with substantial objections until Jay fought him on it, and long story short, they ended up wrestling on the floor, dry humping like the dumb teenagers they were while Gil and Harry very much watched.

Because of the stupid enchantment, Chad found he quite liked putting on a show. 

To make up for Harry’s rough introduction to orgy-dom, Chad arranged for the first mate to watch Chad stretch Jay open, the Agraben teen posed on his hands and knees while he whimpered through it. It should probably be gross that Harry was worked up from watching that alone, but Chad was eager to get Jay into the pirate’s lap, Harry moaning while Jay whined into his neck. 

Introducing the two to each other for intimate relations likely wasn’t the best for the group’s overall productivity, because they were both so horribly competitive with each other. It was almost guaranteed that if Jay was not with Chad, he was with _Harry_ , or worse, the two of them were rocking Gil’s world, which Chad had worried about before he realized both of them would rather stab themselves than harm Gil, so the blond was cared for and sated and never pushed to the point of breaking by their appetites.

“T-This is _lunacy_ ,” Harry would snarl when he was rutting into Chad’s warmth, Gil riding Jay just across the room.

“Don’t be a baby,” Chad would say, rolling his eyes even though he couldn’t help but agree, and then he went back to savoring the feel of Harry’s dick, because that was a thing he did now.

He supposed there were worse things in life. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Why are you avoiding Ben?_ ”

“I’m not avoiding Ben,” Chad lied blithely, reviewing his notes for the next negotiating session and hoping Jay would return soon so Chad could crawl in his lap and ride him like a damn horse. “Who told you I was avoiding Ben? Was it Jay? We have talks about how dumb Jay is.”

“ _Don’t try to deflect_ ,” Mal warned him with a grumble. “ _I think you’re avoiding Ben because you **are** avoiding him. He only manages to make contact with you like, twice a month, and then you end those phone calls as soon as possible_.”

“Because I’m _busy_ ,” Chad sniffed, annoyed to be called out so thoroughly.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Mal scoffed. “ _You’re so busy you can spend half an hour every other day complaining about how stupid Jay is_.”

“It’s important to make time for the meaningful things in life,” Chad sniped, rearranging his notes as though it would make them more appealing. It did not. “Look, Ben’s a busy guy and I know he has issues delegating, especially to like, four wild cards, but we’ve made it four months and haven’t caused an international incident yet, so maybe he should, I don’t know, _trust us_.”

There was a pause at the other end of the line. So much so that Chad was afraid Mal might have hung up on him.

And then- “ _You know he could be calling because you’re like, friends, don’t you?_ ”

Chad dismissed the notion with a laugh. “Nice one, Mal. And hey, since we’re talking about the incredibly unnecessary subject of Ben, why don’t you tell him to call Jay early in the morning? That way he won’t interrupt Jay’s obsessive workout routines.”

“ _You just want to wake him up early_.”

“With the benefit of giving Ben sleepy Jay! Which is an unquestionably nice thing for me to do. What a pal I am; I have the best suggestions.”

“ _And you’re so humble too_ ,” Mal mused, a smile in her voice. “ _Tell you what_ ,” she began. “ _Why don’t **you** tell Ben when to call Jay, and then you’ll earn the bonus of disrupting Jay’s sleep schedule_.”

“You’re a cruel mistress, Mal,” Chad sniffed, mortally wounded. “Have you ever thought that maybe _you’re_ the queen of mean?”

“ _Every damn day_ ,” Mal cackled, and maybe that should be worrisome for Aruadon’s future, but like, Ben seemed sure in his choices, so who was Chad to criticize?

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Ben,” Chad said the next day, purposefully calling at a time where the king was free but rushed, a sweet spot between meetings that made Chad bribing Ben’s assistant one of the greatest things he’d ever done. “Glad I was able to reach you, champ. Jay needs you to make the next update early in the morning. We’ve got a slew of evening meetings that have blocked off our schedules, but he _does_ still want to hear from you.”

“ _What? I mean- okay, sure_.” Ben seemed hopelessly confused by the request, though that could very well be because Chad was making it.

“He’s in the woods with Gil right now, otherwise he’d call you himself,” Chad offered. “Anyway, I’ve got to go-”

“ _Wait, Chad-_ ”

“-this paperwork won’t file itself, bye!”

Chad hung up before Ben could protest further, because he really _was_ a genius.

Hopefully, good old Benny boy could also follow directions, so.

Here’s to hoping.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“…what?” Jay grumbled when his phone rang in the early hours of the dawn, his dumb sleep-heavy hands fumbling for the offending device before he managed to answer the call. “…Ben?”

Admittedly, this tactic might not be the most brilliant because it cut into _Chad’s_ sleep time as well, but at the very least he’d been expecting the interruption. As such, he took advantage of Jay’s incoherent state and wasted no time lubing up Jay’s free hand, which the other teen didn’t really seem to get until Chad was coaxing him through the process of masturbating to the sound of Ben’s voice.

“Y-Yeah we had um- meetings tonight but- yeah, it’s good to hear from you too- _ah_ -” Jay would probably be glaring if his eyes weren’t squeezed shut, his hips determined to rut into the tight curl of his hand. “W-Why don’t you um- tell me about your- yeah, I wanna hear from you if- yeah.”

It was better than anything Chad could ever ask for – Chad, who got to tease Jay into a furious state of arousal until he was leaking freely, his thighs twitching wide and hips shuddering while Chad guided his hand to work even faster. 

“T-That’s really good, Ben,” Jay managed to gasp out just as he fell apart, biting at his bottom lip while Chad guided him through it, working his hand until he was on his way to getting hard again. 

That was it. Let Jay live out his voyeuristic fantasies by making him masturbate to the king’s voice. Maybe Chad really was a sicko, but Jay was a worse one because he eagerly gave into it.

“I’m- I’m glad to hear that, Ben,” Jay huffed when the lubricant mixed with his slick, creating a generous mess on his groin. It was good and too distracting and Chad was only human – a sex magic-ed human who could already feel himself growing wet. 

It was that need that had Chad shoving Jay’s hand out of the way, had him climbing into the other teen’s lap while his eyes went all wide, Chad eager to line himself up with Jay’s interest and sink himself down onto it with a swallowed _croon_.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jay hissed, biting off a moan. “No just- I’m um- I’m running late so I gotta- sorry, I gotta go.”

He ended the call and tossed the phone to the side before clamping onto Chad’s hips, rutting into him with a desperation that made Chad _keen_. 

“You _asshole_ ,” Jay hissed. “I know you arranged that.”

“Just thought you’d like to use Ben’s voice, you know,” Chad huffed between bounces. “And um- then you could pretend to fuck Ben-”

“I’m not- _I would never do that_ ,” Jay hissed, grinding up harder. “I wouldn’t. Ben’s not gay. _I’m_ not gay.”

“You’d love for that beast to ride you,” Chad continued, half-out of it with want. “You’d want him lost and desperate for it, desperate for your dick until he had to ride you or _go mad_ , and he’d feel so good, wouldn’t he? You’d probably be the first to have him, like that.”

“ _Chad-_ ”

“Or maybe not,” Chad continued blithely. “Mal’s the dominant one, right? Maybe she found a way to fuck Ben into submission. Maybe she likes bending him over his desk and having her way with him, until he’s an eager, whimpering mess.” He gasped when Jay brushed against _that_ _spot_ , felt himself throb and toyed between his legs with a growing need, knowing he was close to done. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Like for Ben to come whining to you with those needy, earnest eyes of his. Maybe _he’s_ the one that wants to be filled-”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jay said, and Chad felt him lose it, hot bursts of slick filling Chad and making him fall apart seconds later with a groan.

Because they’d spent part of the night getting intimate, that seemed to be all that they needed, at least for now, and Chad climbed off of Jay’s lap with a look of triumph.

“Why do you insist on ruining my friendships?” Jay groaned, rubbing a hand across his eyes.

“Because if I have to suffer, you have to suffer,” Chad said, but mostly it was because if Chad couldn’t have friends, Jay _shouldn’t_ , especially since he was the one that had gotten them in this situation in the first place.

It was not at all because Chad found the situations he was describing in any way arousing, and it definitely wasn’t something he looked forward to or toyed around with in his spare time. 

There were _lines_.

And magic spell or not, Chad would not cross them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for all the lovely feedback! Reading your reactions is always a nice highlight of my day, especially with the crazy times we’re living in :)
> 
> Okay, that’s all for the sex marathon chapters! From now on we shall have our regularly scheduled soap opera plus snark with a sprinkling of sexy times, but nothing that goes on as long as the past two chapters.
> 
> I’m good for right now, but they suspect power outages in my area soon, so if I don’t respond to comments or update on Sunday, that’s likely why. Rest assured, I will update when I get power back, though hopefully if it does go out, it won’t be for long. 
> 
> Story notes:
> 
> Everyone in this story has amazing stamina, the end. Like, I dunno, suspend your disbelief. When all else fails, blame it on magic ;P
> 
> Until next time :)


	4. The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Probably

“ _You guys should come home for Yule!_ ” Ben chirped over their monthly video call – the one where Chad had to corral his three adventurers in front of the control room’s viewscreen, which likely would have been more successful were they were not all hyperactive monkeys who preferred to be outside, one-uping each other into their next hospital visit.

Fun fact: they had only avoided hospitals through the discretion of _Chad_ and Chad alone, which was horribly pathetic if you sat back and thought about it.

Chad shared a look with the other three, who seemed just as surprised as he was. “Why?” he asked. “It’s in three days. We’d literally lose a day traveling, be there for Yule Eve, and then have to be off again to make it to our stay in Maldonia on time.”

For whatever reason, Ben had not expected this very reasonable response, and his enthusiasm dimmed appropriately. “ _Don’t you want to come home for Yule?_ ” he asked. “ _Sardinia’s not that far from Auradon. If you wanted to visit your family-_ ”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Chad said, because he didn’t actually need a reminder about all the holidays his family didn’t celebrate. He’d spent all the winter breaks at school when he could, and before that his nannies had always been given Yule off to spend with _their_ families, so he’d spent that time alone, locked in his wing of the castle, wondering what all the fuss was about.

“Could we see Uma?” Gil asked, prioritizing to the human that seemed to be his night and day and everything between.

That made Harry perk up. “We’ll come if we can see the captain.”

This made Ben smile again. “ _Yeah, of course you guys can see Uma. She’s spending Yule at the castle with me and Mal_.” He turned his attention to Chad and Jay. “ _You guys are welcome to join us as well_.”

Chad’s gut instinct was _no_ , because it was easy to avoid Ben when he was half a world away, but if they were in the same castle, Chad foresaw a lot of hiding in his future. 

Unfortunately, Jay was biting at his bottom lip with a thoughtful look, which was distracting for multiple reasons, until he looked back at the screen. “I would um… like to see Mal and the others.”

“ _Then it’s settled!_ ” Ben cheered. “ _I’ll go ahead and send you an updated course. Safe sailings, and we’ll see you guys tomorrow!_ ”

“Ugh,” Chad groaned when the call ended, Harry doing his duties appropriately and updating the ship’s navigation. “You realize we’re going to have to get presents for them now, don’t you?”

Gil blinked up from where he was assisting Harry. Or really, he was just watching Harry. That was a lot of Gil’s ‘assisting’. “Haven’t you been buying presents?” he asked somewhat innocently. “Harry and I have been getting Uma stuff at all the places we’ve visited, so she knows how much we miss her.”

“And _respect_ her,” Harry added, because he was never one to do feelings.

Chad turned a measuring look on Jay, who shrugged. “I’ve been doing that too,” he said. “For Mal and Carlos and Evie.” There was a pause. “Haven’t you gotten anything?”

“Who would I get them for?” Chad asked. Audrey didn’t like it when he bought presents without her express approval of what they _were_ (which was but another demonstration of how the overcontrolling ways of her grandparents had made her so very OCD). 

There was another pause, this one weightier as the other three looked at each other, each one bidding the other to answer.

“Whatever,” Chad said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll just get something when we get there.”

Or get nothing, because they weren’t actually inviting Chad, they were inviting the others and they couldn’t _exclude_ Chad. Maybe he could just drop them off at the castle and spend the night in a hotel, or something. He could always go to his apartment in the city. It could probably use some cleaning.

Worst comes to worst and they did make him stay, Chad could kill time shopping, so he’d probably only have to see them the night before and Yule morning, which was the only thing people celebrated anyway. He was pretty sure. 

Point was, this didn’t have to be a big deal if he didn’t make it a big deal.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Hey, you’re here!” Ben chirped when they walked down the gangplank, because he was actually a child. “This is gonna be great! Come on, we left the heater running in the limo. You can catch us up on the ride to the castle.”

“You guys have fun,” Chad said, offering them a two fingered salute before he pushed his sunglasses properly in place. “I’ll see you in a couple days.”

Ben’s expression might have dimmed for whatever reason, but it was Mal that spoke up next. “What, you’re actually going home to Sardinia?”

Chad let out a low laugh. “Yeah, no. I’m going to my apartment.” He reached out to pat Jay on the shoulder. “Try not to get yourself killed before the next time I see you.”

He and Jay could _probably_ last a few days apart, but if not, the dude knew how to drive, and where to reach Chad. This was really for the best.

“That’s stupid,” Mal declared, which was great for _her_ , but then Chad found his arm being appropriated by the small queen-to-be. “You’re coming with us.”

“Mal.” He’d been trying to be classy about this, he knew they didn’t want him there. “Seriously, I’m good. I’ve got paperwork to do anyway.”

“Who does paperwork on Yule?” Uma said, deftly stealing Chad’s _other_ arm so he couldn’t escape. “I thought this was a big holiday in Auradon.”

“For some people,” Chad allowed. “And for others, it’s a time to do paperwork.”

“But not my ambassadors, though,” Ben said, bouncing up alongside them with the others following in-tow. “I’ll make that royal decree right now, so you’ll have plenty of time to celebrate.”

Chad did not sigh. “If you insist.”

He could see Uma roll her eyes in his peripherals. “Try not to sound _too_ excited.”

“I think he’s just worried ‘cuz he doesn’t have any presents,” Gil said, bounding up beside Uma with a grin.

Ben gave a look of exaggerated surprise. “Chad, you don’t have to worry about that. We know this was last-minute.”

“Really just wanted to that paperwork, sport,” Chad said, earning a pinch from Mal that was _unwarranted_. 

Realistically, he knew they likely didn’t have presents for him, or if they did, they were like the extra emergency backups you had _just in case_. Chad was sure he would get something from Ben, and then he’d look like a major tool if he didn’t get the king something in turn. That was just basic etiquette. _Ugh_.

“We’ll go shopping later,” Uma declared, and Harry had already elbowed his way between the captain and Gil, likely where he’d always wanted to be. “First – food. And then maybe you can tell us the latest story about that picture you sent us.”

“ _Guys_ ,” Jay groaned, likely forever put upon by the fact that the others had discovered the joy that was sharing his stupid with each other.

Mal let out a little giggle. “Shut up, Jay.”

He appropriately shut up.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Alright,” Uma said, dragging Chad along _by his hand_ as though he were a child she was afraid of losing. “Let’s make this fast. The shops are all crazy with last-minute shoppers, so we’re just going to get shit I _know_ the others will want and then we can go home and pretend this never happened.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Chad pointed out for like, the tenth time, and just like every other time he’d mentioned this, he got a bored stare for his troubles.

“First things first,” she said, pulling them towards the outdoor shopping mall with a palpable air of distaste. “Ben’s going to love whatever you give him because it’s from you, so you could literally grab anything and it would be fine.”

“Both of those things are very untrue,” Chad said, because it needed to be pointed out. “Ben is a _king_. I am a _prince_. Our positions require a certain level of decorum.”

“What are your favorite books?” Uma asked, dragging Chad down the sidewalk like a woman on a mission.

“What?” For a moment, Chad thought he’d heard her wrong, but then she was shooting a weary look over her shoulder.

“We’re going to get him your favorite books,” she elaborated, this statement further supported by the bookstore she then dragged him into. “And you’re going to write him a thoughtful note, and then we’ll be done. Now, favorite books.”

“I’m not- I’m not getting Ben some dumb fantasy books.”

“So they’re fiction,” Uma said, and then in a manner that would set a precedent for the rest of the day, she yanked him towards that desired section.

It took Chad another five minutes to realize they weren’t getting out of this without his favorite stupid books, and he wished he had like, actual _taste_ instead of a particular fondness for stories with happy endings, full of romance and adventure and _family_ , where the good guys always won and everyone was always happy and nothing was ever difficult or hard.

Uma stared at the boxset for a moment, painted with smiling heroes and their loyal friends, before she grabbed up another set. “You’ll give this one to me,” she said.

“Cheating,” Chad muttered, but he was sort of glad he wouldn’t have to overthink whatever the fuck he was going to get her.

“You’re getting jewelry for Mal,” Uma declared, guiding Chad towards an Hanoven jeweler. 

“Uma,” Chad sighed. “I can’t get nice jewelry for the king’s _fiancé_. That will send all kinds of bad signals-”

“That necklace looks nice,” Uma said, and then Chad more or less resigned himself to getting Ben’s fiancé jewelry, but like, the most _friendzone_ jewelry he could find.

He ended up with a charm bracelet, because nothing seemed more friendly and romantically benign as a jingling collection of childlike tokens.

It probably would have been more successful if Uma hadn’t _forced_ him to put thought into the charm selection. So of course he picked out a dragon (duh) and a crown and a sword, because Mal was _mighty_. And then for laughs he picked out a snake for Jay, and then he got a heart for Evie, and a dog for Carlos, and a book for Ben and hell, he might as well get the fishing hook for Harry, and a bullhead for Gil, and a little octopus for Uma, and the end result was kind of cute.

“You gotta pick one out for you,” Uma said when they were looking over their haul. At Chad’s confused look, she elaborated, “Your charm?”

“I’m _always_ charming,” Chad deflected with a wink. “So I don’t need one.”

Uma gave him an unimpressed stare. “We’ll just get her this one,” she said, pointing out a small silver cell phone to the sales associate.

Uma was _hilarious_. 

“Alright,” Chad sighed, looking up at the sun in the hopes that it would claim him and free him from this torture. “What’s next?”

“Snack time,” Uma declared, sliding her sunglasses on like a real action movie hero. “I’m hungry.”

_This is not a date_ , Chad wanted to snap, but he was also sort of hungry, so it was with great reluctance that he followed Uma into a nearby café, where she proceeded to stare at the ‘featured items’ display as though they had personally offended her.

“They’re blended drinks,” Chad tried to explain. “You know, milk, ice, flavored syrups all topped with whipped cream?”

“Auradon,” Uma muttered with a casual disdain that made Chad think she said this phrase quite often.

His very mature response was to order two of the largest blended abominations he could concoct – for Uma, he got a mermaid frappuccino (green melon base with blue vanilla whipped cream topped and white chocolate pearls) and for himself he got a red ruby grape frappuccino (which had grape jelly on the bottom, for whatever reason, and then was topped with a grape juice blend and _grape foam_ , whatever that was). Chad was also kind enough to get Uma the biggest cupcake they had, and he was rewarded for this generosity by getting frosting smeared onto his face. 

Chad wasn’t stupid enough to retaliate, but he did get a picture of Uma laughing at him while sipping her brightly colored drink, and then a selfie where her face was smattered with frosting accumulated through more natural means, and they both sort of looked like hot messes but Chad liked it a lot. 

“And now, Gil,” Uma declared one sugar high later. “Where do you guys get fancy socks around here?”

“Like aesthetically fancy or, you know, fabric fancy?” Chad asked instead of trying to fight her, because at this point he recognized a losing battle when he saw one.

Uma stared at him as though she hadn’t expected there to be more than one option and sort of hated the fact that there was. “Both,” she settled on.

“…there’s specialized boutiques for both. Or, there’s a specialized boutique for bamboo socks – which are notably the softest, and then just about any men’s high-end boutique will have stylish socks.”

“Then we’re getting him a bounty of both,” Uma decided, nudging Chad forward because she could not, in fact, follow from in front, as much as she wanted to. She still held onto his hand though. She was probably afraid he would run away otherwise. “We didn’t really get socks on the Isle. At least, not whole socks. And if we _did_ get socks, Gil wasn’t high enough on the ladder to keep them, so one of his biggest desires is to have just- a surplus of socks.”

That was just… one of the saddest things Chad had ever heard. It made him angry all over again for the trials that had been put upon the children of the Isle, and while he knew Uma would never accept his pity for it, the one thing he _could_ do was buy Gil a shit ton of socks.

So they did that.

He probably got way too many, but Uma was both delighted and confused by the bright pairs of striped, argyle, and plaid socks available in the boutiques, and Chad was sure to get a selection of colors, all as bright and sunny as Gil was. He also made sure they detoured to get the bamboo socks, and then he went for broke and got fuzzy socks too, because if Gil wanted socks, Chad would make sure it _damn happened_. 

Uma was literally giggling by the time they were done. “I knew I liked you,” she cooed, and then she was dragging them onwards, off to look for _Harry_. 

“I dunno,” Chad said as they looked past the shops. “Maybe I could get him some better eyeliner? Or maybe a full makeup pallet. Is that a thing he’d like?”

Uma stared at him like she hadn’t expected him to come up with a worthwhile suggestion, then smiled. “I think that would be perfect.”

Ultimately, Chad wasn’t sure if Harry wanted primer and foundation and powder, or an eyeshadow pallet and a couple dozen eyeliner options and new high-end makeup brushes, but Uma seemed supportive of this decision and was sure to point out an edgy looking makeup case in red, so Chad got that too, because why not?

“Alright,” Chad said, checking his watch to see how they’d done on time. Not too bad, all things considered. “Let’s get out of here.”

“You forgetting someone?” Uma asked, one brow quirked. “We need something for Jay.”

“The fuck we do,” Chad scoffed.

Uma’s smirk flattened out into a more neutral expression. “You not going to give him anything?”

“I give him the gift of my presence _every day_ ,” Chad said. “For which he is welcome.” 

Seriously, if Jay wanted a gift from Chad, he shouldn’t have drunkenly enchanted him in the first place.

Uma pulled them to a stop, and it was a mighty stop, because for someone so slight she had a strong grip. “We’re not leaving off Jay.”

“But I have no idea what to _get him_ ,” Chad whined, actually whined, because Uma had already seen him at his pouting worst and he couldn’t fall much further. “…wait, I do have one idea.”

Uma thought Chad’s one idea was _hysterical_.

So it looked like they both got to be comedians that day. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Hey, you’re back,” Mal drawled when Chad and Uma returned from their great shopping venture, whereupon the good captain was immediately lifted into the arms of her two crewmates. “You’re just in time to decorate the tree.”

“Don’t you have people for this?” Chad asked, surveying the very bare tree situated in the common area of the royal wing of Auradon Castle.

Mal rolled her eyes. “We had them leave this tree for _us_ , dingnut,” she said, pressing a few ornaments into his hands. “Now, get hanging. We don’t get to eat until all these glittery circles are on the tree, and Mrs. Potts made a roast.”

“But what about the grey stuff?” Chad sniffed, though he followed her prompt anyway, because that sugar high coffee stopped seemed like an awful long time ago. “I’ve heard it was delicious.”

“We’re having that as an appetizer,” Ben chirped, almost giving Chad a heart attack because he was hidden on the other side of the stupidly big tree.

Jay, who was perched on a ladder to hang the smaller ornaments at the top of the tree, laughed at Chad. “Losing some of your situational awareness, Charming?”

“Who let you on a ladder?” Chad asked in response. “Did they know that you’re a clumsy doofus? I bet ten dollars you fall off of that before this tree decorating thing’s done.”

“I will _not_ ,” Jay said, and then roughly twelve minutes later Harry dared him to hang the star up one-handed, and Jay promptly fell off the ladder and into Ben’s waiting arms. 

“ _Jay_ ,” the king sighed, likely missing Jay’s brilliant blush for all his disappointment, and Jay scrambled to get out of his arms while the rest of them laughed at him.

“Tell me you got that on video,” Mal whispered to Chad.

“Please,” Chad murmured. “What am I, an amateur?” 

He, Mal, and Uma spent the appetizer course laughing at Jay’s flushed expression, at least until Ben gave them beseeching hopeful eyes for them to behave and be friendly because it was _Yule Eve_. 

“Hi, I’m Ben,” Chad murmured into Jay’s ear later that night – the door to their guest room properly runed-up so Chad could fuck Jay into the mattress. “I’ll always catch my pretty fainting _Jay_ anytime that he stumbles-”

“Fuck off, Chad,” Jay hissed, but his hips moved more vigorously nonetheless, so it was probably a good Yule Eve. 

It was certainly Chad’s first with company, so that was nice.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Despite very much locking their door, they were still awoken bright and early the next day by an enthusiastic Gil, who more or less bodily threw himself atop Chad and Jay’s bed, blissfully unconcerned with the two’s naked states.

“It’s Yule!” he cheered, hugging both of them through the stupidly soft comforter. “It’s Yule and we can _celebrate_ it!” he continued, giving both of them a kiss on the cheek. “I gotta go wake captain and King Ben because it’s Yule and we get to be like Auradon people and open presents and not worry about dying! _This is so cool_!”

With that he was gone, leaving Chad dazed and a little bit sad behind him. 

“Aw, man,” Jay said, blinking after Gil’s retreating back. “Now I feel like an even bigger asshole for not getting him off the Isle faster.”

“Nothing we can do about it now,” Chad grumbled before transitioning into the now-expected pre-breakfast handjob. Just enough to take the edge off and get Jay all flushed and _stuttery_.

“H-Happy Yule to _me_ ,” Jay groaned through his release, and Chad just-

Why did he like this person?

Magic. Magic was why he liked this person. The _doof_.

But hey, it could be worse.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eventually, Chad and Jay stumbled out of their quarters in their pajamas, hair still damp from the shower and both in desperate need of caffeine.

Unfortunately, when Chad went to find a kitchen (any kitchen, there was a dozen of them), he was intercepted by an earnest Ben, who guided him back towards the dumb lounge they had decorated the day before.

“Presents, first,” Ben explained. “Mrs. Potts will send something up soon. I tried to order her to take the morning off, but she never listens.”

“That must be super annoying for you,” Chad said, too sleep muddled to curtail his sarcasm, because he had spent most of _his_ Yules foraging for his own food since the castle staff was out on holiday, or serving is dad, and Chad was just an afterthought. 

He ended up eating a lot of graham crackers, was his point.

“Settle down there, blondie,” Jay said, patting Chad’s curls, and Chad had enough coherence to glare at him before setting down beside Uma, who at least didn’t seem sickeningly enthusiastic that morning.

“Alright,” Mal declared with a dramatic sweep of her hand when they had all more or less gotten situated. “Now I could make a wonderful speech about the importance of Yule and family, but I’ll be honest, the rest of our day is going to be hijacked by diplomatic duties and we’re going to have to do this again at Evie’s anyway so let’s just pass out presents, alright?”

“Here, here!” Uma laughed, and then Ben started passing the gifts out, included the haphazardly wrapped items from the team of ambassadors, because it turned out none of them were good at wrapping things. Gil’s definitely had the most bows, though. Chad gave him points for enthusiasm.

To Chad’s immense surprise, he had gotten a present from everyone there, and he’d even gotten something from Ben’s parents, which, granted, they hadn’t shopped for _him_ , it was just a backup gift, but it’d been so long since he’d gotten a present from parental figures that he just sort of stared at them, willing himself to be less stupid because this _shouldn’t hurt_.

This was everything he’d wanted as a child but had given up on having. It was frustrating that it took Jay’s enchantment for him to get it. Frustrating and unfair. 

But that was life.

Chad had never partaken in the present-opening part of Yule, but it seemed like everyone more or less dived into unwrapping at the same time, so Chad followed their lead. From Harry, he got a blue silk dressing robe from Imperial City. It was a stop they had made just after Harry had started demanding his ‘sex payments’, so to speak, which had Chad quirking a brow at the first mate until he started flushing. Apparently, _someone’s_ mind was on sex, or at least post-sex, when Chad presumed he would be wearing this thing. 

“Mine next, mine next, mine next,” Gil chanted, nudging his package meaningfully towards Chad with a wide grin. 

At least from him, Chad didn’t feel like an obligation.

Whatever he’d gotten was wrapped in about eight layers of tissue paper, and when he finally got to the middle, it was to reveal a flat sort of crystal disk with a loose crystal formation resting on top of it.

“It glows in the dark,” Gil whispered conspiratorially. “I got it when we checked on the Isle of Crystals for that Merlin dude. When it’s dark, it will give off a light, and the top part will float a little. It’s super cool.”

“Gil…” Those crystals, Chad knew, were supposed to be reserved for the magic elite, not for whiny little princes who needed a nightlight. Chad knew _why_ Gil had gotten him the crystals, as the blond had unfortunately been with Chad the few times he’d had his Audrey-nightmares, and it was very sweet, but-

“It’s also very pretty!” Gil pressed on, relentlessly optimistic. “So you’ll have something nice to look at _and_ you won’t be stuck in the dark.”

“Is that a concern?” Ben asked from where he was picking through some gifts from his parents.

“It is if the lights go out,” Chad sniffed, but then he offered Gil a quick whispered _thank you_ , and the resulting smile was definitely worth it.

“I got you a coat,” Uma said as she passed over her gift, sort of defeating the purpose of her admittedly nice wrapping job. “You roll with my crew, you need to look the part.”

“Is it at least _snazzy_?” Chad asked somewhat snidely, and then he sort of had to eat his words because it was, in fact, snazzy. 

It was made of a light blue leather, tapered in at the waist and embroidered with gold thread, and if Chad was not mistaken, it was _definitely_ Evie’s handiwork. 

What. The hell.

He had literally brought presents for these people yesterday, had they known they were going to celebrate Yule with him? 

“Here,” Jay said, pointedly not looking at Chad as he passed a small package over. If Chad didn’t know better, he would think it was a jewelry box.

Turned out, it was a jewelry box.

Agraben jewelry, to be specific – gold chains intermixed with light blue jewels that could quite possibly be aquamarines to form up an intricate necklace and sure, it was the Sardinian color scheme, but it was also, you know, _super girly_. 

“Dude,” Chad said, dangling the offending jewelry from his finger. “My mom’s dead.”

Jay just sort of stared at him, then blushed. “It’s um… for you.”

That was what Chad had feared.

“You’re the worst,” Chad declared, then deftly re-boxed the present with the intention of regifting it to Audrey, or maybe Jane. Wait, definitely Jane. It was the right color and everything. 

“Ben and I both got you this,” Mal said when she passed a new package over, pointedly ignoring Jay’s offended sputters.

“You couldn’t have done worse than Jay,” Chad muttered as he opened the box, and then he found himself freezing still when he pushed the tissue paper aside to reveal-

A book. 

A storybook, to be precise, but a unique one. He knew without asking that the illustration on the front cover had been done by Mal, and he hated it, hated that she could be so talented to catch a picture of his parents staring at each other, so very in love and so very beautiful.

“We made it,” Ben explained, as though there was any question. “I mean, _I_ had it made. Mal did all the art for it and I um- I helped with the editing-”

“I need to go,” Chad said, staring at his mother’s face, so young and happy and _alive_ , and then he was moving, the book clutched tight to his chest as he rushed to get back to the guest suite, ignoring any calls from behind him. 

He needed to breathe, he needed space, he needed-

His mom, who looked so pretty and poised, even in rags. Chad didn’t even know the details of his parents’ story because his grandfather refused to talk about it, and Captain Anozie had retired after his mother’s death, retired from _shame_. 

Chad found himself curling up on the floor by the window seat, ignoring the text in favor of looking at Mal’s artwork, which captured his mother so wonderfully well. She looked… _kind_. She looked like the mother he always wanted to have, even though she was doing laundry or feeding chickens or hand sewing a dress. He ached when he saw her crying outside in the garden, and laughed with a helpless sort of wonder when she was transformed into that beautiful gown he only saw in paintings. 

He knew the rest, the outline, at least, but he looked at every picture. Saw a young image of his father searching the entire kingdom, saw his mother locked away in the attic, singing softly to herself. He could just _barely_ remember the melody of her lullaby, the notes slipping through his fingers like sand. He couldn’t even remember what it was called.

It hurt, to see her and his father stand on the balcony for their wedding day – the balcony that was now blocked off from use, the courtyard that was never opened to the public ever again. He thought _that_ ached, but it was the last page that broke him, his smiling parents with a young Chad between them, likely modeled after some old pictures Ben had lying around his castle. 

By the time Jay found him, Chad was crying into his knees, clutching the open book tight to his chest.

“L-Look,” he said, passing over the book so he could see the last picture. “It’s not- it’s not even _real_. She never made it that _far_.”

“I know,” Jay whispered, patting Chad’s back. “I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck? You don’t have a mom either,” Chad gasped, rubbing at his cheeks pitifully. “ _Fuck_ , why am I such a damn baby?”

“Because you’re supposed to have loving families in Auradon,” Jay pointed out. “And you don’t.”

The blunt comment took Chad off guard, and left him sort of pitifully sobbing into his knees. 

“Aw, shit,” Jay breathed, and then he wrapped an arm around Chad’s shoulders, dragging him close. “Sorry, _fuck_.”

“You d-don’t have to apologize for that, jackass,” Chad hiccupped. “Your family was shitty too.”

“Yeah, but I’m a VK,” Jay said. “That’s like, guaranteed. _You’re_ a prince, so yeah, it hurts when people rub in the happy endings you didn’t get.”

For a moment Chad just shook there, and then he gave up, turning to press his face against Jay’s chest and take the magic comfort provided there. “…this is my first Yule,” Chad whispered. “My first _real_ one, I mean. I usually just got locked in my wing of the castle or stuck at school, before this.”

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Jay whispered, so genuinely _confused_ that it made Chad laugh. “Dude-”

“It’s not so bad,” Chad sniffed. “I mean, comparatively.”

“Was that why you didn’t want to go home?” Jay asked. “Would they lock you up now?”

“Um… maybe?” Chad didn’t actually know. “I usually just avoid it if I can. It’s why I got the apartment, but if I went back…” Well, it wasn’t like his grandfather would want to deal with him anymore than he had back then. “Probably, yes.”

“That is messed up.”

“It’s… fine,” Chad said, because if he tried to delve into the mild cruelties of his life, he’d come across as a giant asshole. “ _Fuck_ , I love this thing. I don’t even know why Mal made it. I don’t even know if I can thank her without crying. _Fuck_.”

“I could… I could pass it on?” Jay offered. “Your thanks, I mean.”

“Oh.” Chad sniffed, rubbing pitifully at his eyes. “Yeah, I would appreciate that.”

There was a pause where he stared at Jay expectantly, waiting for him to start pulling away.

“Dude,” Jay said. “I’m not leaving you after we had that conversation. We’re going to cuddle in bed and read your book.”

“But the rest of your stuff,” Chad pressed. “And your visit to Evie’s-”

“We’ll get there,” Jay dismissed. “Later. Right now, it’s story time.”

“I’m going to spend the entire time crying,” Chad pointed out, hoping that would warn the other teen off.

Jay merely wrapped an arm around his shoulders, nudging Chad towards the bed. “Somehow, I’ll live.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

Maybe ten minutes into story time, Gil trickled in, a concerned expression pinched on his features until he caught sight of what they were doing. That was how Jay ended up with a blond curled on each side of him, and then Harry and Uma entered, Uma quirking one unimpressed brow before she more or less settled herself on top of Gil. 

Harry wrapped around the other blond’s back, trying to get a hold of both of his favorite people, and it was so very cute that Chad managed to sneak a picture of it through his tears.

Mal and Ben drifted in last, Mal more or less dragging an uneasy looking Ben (or maybe he was just sad? Chad didn’t know) with a level of determination that could not be shaken. She crawled up beside Chad, didn’t comment on the fact he was huddled against Jay’s chest as she wrapped around his back. Ben, who seemed reluctant to disturb them, followed with more caution, until he was carefully settled against Mal’s side.

Chad was right about crying the entire time, especially the part at the end, where Chad’s mother gave her speech just before trying on the slipper. That time when he saw the picture at the end, it didn’t hurt as much. It was nice to think that Mal could picture such a happy ending for him, even if it was false.

“It um… was my mother’s version of the story,” Ben admitted in the tearful silence that followed. “Your mom told it to her just before she passed, so she wrote it down but it uh- never got published, by your father’s wish.”

“Fuck him,” Chad said, trying to swallow down his tears. “ _Fuck him_ , my mom’s story deserved to be told.”

“…yeah,” Mal said, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “It did.”

“I’m sorry it wasn’t,” Ben offered quietly, seeming unsure if the words were welcome.

Chad didn’t blame him. He was sort of a mess.

“I um… didn’t say this earlier, but I really love this,” he said, aiming the words at Mal. “Thank you. Sorry my presents are so comparatively shitty.”

“ _Excuse_ you,” Mal sniffed. “You got me my first charm bracelet. It has a tiny dragon and everything,” she said, holding up the selected charm. “And you got Ben books, which is a guaranteed win.”

“I love my socks!” Gil cheered, holding his foot up to show off one of the fuzzy pairs Chad had gotten them. “They are my pirate treasure and they make me very happy. I will have the fanciest feet.”

“Even fancier than Ben’s?” Uma asked, her smile amused.

“Definitely,” Gil hummed.

“Harry liked his makeup,” Jay spoke up suddenly, making the first mate flush. “He’s sort of boggled by the amount of eyeliners there are.” 

“As was I,” Chad admitted.

“But he loved it nonetheless,” Uma drawled, smirking. “Got his own permanent warpaint now.”

“I’ll admit,” Mal hummed. “The smokey eye _is_ sexy.”

“Should I try it out?” Ben asked, perking up. 

He was probably surprised by the multiple _‘no’_ s that followed that statement, but they could only handle so much sexiness from Ben, and that would push the limit. 

“I did not like my present,” Jay declared after a round of chuckles. “My present was stupid.”

“Your present was _useful_ ,” Chad sniffed. “There’s a distinction.”

“You got me a helmet.”

“Because you need it,” Chad pressed over Mal’s cackles. “How else are we to ensure your dumb face actually makes it to college?”

“I am not _that_ accident prone,” Jay insisted, his cheeks dusted in a lovely face.

“Blondie,” Uma drawled, waving a lazy hand. “Roll the footage, would you?”

“ _Gladly_ ,” Chad said, and Jay’s following groan was worth it for the group’s cheers, and sure, maybe this wasn’t how he expected to spend Yule, but that didn’t mean it was _bad_. 

Even if there was a host of people lying atop a bed he and Jay had definitely had sex on like, multiple times.

Despite that, it was still very good.

So that was something.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Things changed after Yule.

They were likely always going to, but still, it was a notable difference. Chad wasn’t sure if it was the fact that they’d been allowed a peek behind the curtain that was the ‘Charming’ family’s natural disfunction or what, but he did know that Harry started looking at him differently, like he was flushing out the idea of who Chad was as a person. 

Which probably wasn’t the most useful thing in the long run. It definitely allowed an opportunity for more of Chad’s weaknesses to be exploited, but Harry wasn’t acting on it so… he just decided to keep an eye on the situation and leave it at that.

They spent the rest of Yule together – comfortably, casually. They had breakfast with Ben’s parents and grandfather, who delighted in their travel stories, and then had brunch at Evie’s castle, where no one seemed terribly surprised that Chad was there. He _did_ get to hang out with his cousin Dizzy, who Chad realized was likely the best person in his family and as such deserved _all the things_ , and she spent a lot of time trying to convince him not to order her stuff but he did anyway under the insistent boasts of _making up for lost time_. 

She had also made him a jacket. Chad spent a lot of time staring at it and trying not to cry. 

Mal intercepted him before he could pass off Jay’s necklace to Jane, which was just _unfair_ , before more or less shoving Chad into an awkward conversation with Evie about upcoming legislature. He was pretty sure she spent the entire time surprised Chad knew what she was talking about, which was not unexpected. 

Chad also got to catch up with Doug, who didn’t seem to understand Chad’s desire to listen to him talk about jazz band or his college courses, but Doug had been Chad’s roommate for four years and suddenly _not_ seeing him every day had turned out to be a jarring experience. So eventually Doug talked, and Chad made appropriate comments in the right places to keep him going, and he snagged a few pictures of Doug in his natural, relaxed habitat to look at on a rainy day, when Chad needed to remember there was at least one person out there that had been willing to put up with him for extended periods of time without the help of magic. 

The evening they spent back at Auradon Castle, dressed up for the Yule Feast and Ball. Generally, this was an event that hosted the upper nobility of Auradon and whatever royals felt like leaving their own kingdoms, but this year Ben opened it up to the public – specifically to the Isle refugees, who deserved to experience a _real_ celebration just like Gil and the others did. Chad ended up wearing the coat he got from Uma, ignoring Jay’s baleful urges to get him to wear the necklace before moving on to help the others get ready. Harry decided to test out his new cosmetics to what was, objectively, devastatingly sexy results. Uma spent a lot of time curled up on his arm after that, stroking his face and urging Gil to do the same, and because it was _Gil_ , it wasn’t weird. 

Chad spent the evening taking Dizzy around the dancefloor and listening to all of her adventures, and while he was not sure he could maintain the façade of someone she would actually like for long periods of time, they traded numbers so they could keep up, and Dizzy promised to text him pictures of all her latest creations.

“You can send me photos of Dumb Jay too,” she had whispered, and if Chad hadn’t thought his little cousin wasn’t already _the best_ , that would have done it. 

“Best. Yule. _Ever_ ,” Mal declared later that night, her heels clutched in one hand as she flopped onto the couch in the common room. 

“Yeah, it was!” Gil said, bouncing on the couch beside her. “Can we do that again next year? We should do it just like this.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, wearing an easy smile that seemed utterly contented with the world. “We can do this next year.”

“That includes you too, stupid,” Jay murmured into Chad’s ear, which was frankly a gross expression of emotions he really didn’t need, but-

Well, it was also sort of nice, to have that possibility. At least, in theory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! Bonding and stuff! More oblivious people being oblivious! Ah yes, the fundamental building blocks of my stories ^_^
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the feedback and support!! This week was a bit rockier for me than most, and it really raised my spirits to read your comments, so thank you for that!!
> 
> Story notes:
> 
> Hanover is what I renamed Charmington (Snow White’s kingdom) in my personal canon. Mostly so it will sound like an actual kingdom :)
> 
> Mermaid and Red Ruby Grape fraps are both real – the mermaid one was released in Mexico, and the grape one in Singapore, according to my googling.
> 
> The Isle of Crystals is from Sophia the First, which was located through very fortunate googling ^_^
> 
> I’m pretty sure in Disney World ‘the gray stuff’ is a dessert, but Binging with Babbish did an episode where he tried to breakdown the foods on Lumiere’s tray, and he theorized it as an appetizer. Just… in case you were wondering about that very small, insignificant detail ;P
> 
> Captain Anozie is my name for the captain of the guard from the live action Cinderella remake released in 2015. They didn’t give his character an actual name, so I went ahead and named him after the actor who portrayed him. 
> 
> Until next time :)


	5. Return of the Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING – Choking, assault, and attempted non-con. Things cut off before they get serious, but please see the endnotes for more details.

They started spending other holidays together.

“ _It’s almost Valentine’s day!_ ” Ben would chirp from Gil’s phone, because the asshole had realized he could call _Gil_ who would be happy to put him on speaker phone and hunt down Chad for the express purpose of being super controlling or whatever. “ _You know what we should do?_ ”

“Eat chocolate?” Chad drawled, not understanding the point to this conversation.

“ _Have a **Pal** -entines_ _day!_ ” Ben continued blithely, as though he hadn’t heard Chad.

“No,” Chad said, and then he somehow ended up at a fancy restaurant in Auroria with Ben and the others, somewhat mystified as to how he had gotten there. The one comfort he could take was that Audrey was safely back in Central Auradon, or else his head would be on a spike for celebrating stupid damn _Palentines_ day in her own kingdom. 

They ended up back at the hotel Ben had rented that night, splayed out on his private veranda as they stared up at the stars, trading chocolates and laughing at the burdens of their romantically-challenged friends. Apparently, both Doug _and_ Evie had freaked out over what to do for the other, but Mal assured Chad that was a song and dance they went through every year. 

One of Chad’s new favorite things was to watch Gil sample all the different chocolates he’d never tried and declare each one his favorite. Or, more specifically, his favorite thing was to watch Uma and Harry watch Gil do that, because for two unquestionably tough and hardened individuals, they became practical _mush_ in the wake of Gil’s enthusiasm. Chad did not blame them, he sort of felt the same way when Mal was introducing the blond pirate to the wonders of chocolate fondue and strawberries, and he had like, a slideshow’s worth of pictures of the two of them attacking a pot of fondue, melted chocolate smeared across their lips while they wielded strawberries like weapons.

“I want copies of those,” Uma had said, looking over Chad’s shoulder while he reviewed the pictures. 

They ended up falling asleep out there by the firepit, which was likely the dumbest thing of all because there were at least two couples (one _engaged_ ) there, and if Valentine’s Day wasn’t an excuse to get it on, Chad didn’t know _what_ was, and yet, Ben and Mal seemed happy just where they were, as did Harry and Uma.

Weird.

They received another surprise visit in Corona, Uma leading the charge this time for the midsummer festival, where they celebrated Queen Rapunzel’s triumphant return to her family. Mal provided materials for them to decorate their lanterns on the ship, and Chad snagged a photo of everyone smiling with their creations, paint splattered on their hands. They spent the afternoon dancing, then sat back to watch Mal have what was essentially a master class in chalk art with Queen Rapunzel and Princess Ruby. 

That evening they let the lanterns go, and it was so wonderous and cozy Chad was _almost_ tempted to reach out and hold Jay’s hand. 

He didn’t, because he wasn’t a lunatic, but the dumb magic thought was there.

Well, better hand holding than kissing, he supposed.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Did you cancel the stop in Sardinia?_ ” Ben asked at their next monthly meeting.

“Yeah,” Chad dismissed, staring down at their charter. “I thought that would give us more time in Camelot to discuss alternative regulations to the magic ban.”

“ _So… are you rescheduling Sardinia for later in the trip?_ ” Ben asked, still seeming confused.

“We’re not going to Sardinia, Ben,” Chad said, shooting a commiserating look to Mal just over the king’s shoulder, because at some point, she and Uma had become involved in these calls too. “It’s a waste of time.”

“ _But the Sardinian nobility-_ ”

“Are super set in their ways?” Chad prompted. “Look, Ben, I know how that visit’s going to go. They’re going to look at me, dismiss me in favor of looking to my grandfather, who will dismiss me because that’s what he _does_ , and then nothing will change. So sure, I could waste time in Sardinia trying to talk to a bunch of people who don’t like me, or we could do something actually useful.”

There was a distinct pause.

“…your kingdom doesn’t like you?” Gil asked, exercising a bluntness that was not intentionally cruel, even if it felt that way. “But isn’t that _your_ kingdom?”

“Public opinion is swayed by the upper nobility,” Chad explained with a deadpan sigh. “The opinion of the upper nobility is swayed by the highest point of power in Sardinia, which at his point is my grandfather.”

“I thought he was just a Duke,” Jay said, brows furrowed in thought. “Isn’t your dad the king?”

Chad’s father was trapped in a depressed stupor that allowed him to function for the good of the kingdom and do not much else. “My dad listens to my grandfather,” Chad replied instead. “And my grandfather… wants more from me than I’ve been able to give him.” That was the nicest way of putting it. “So he’s disappointed in me, and by extension, the upper nobility of Sardinia have an unfavorable opinion of me.”

“ _So the people do too_ ,” Mal finished, her eyes narrowed in a slight glare. It might be Chad’s imagination, but it seemed like her eyes were glowing green as well.

“Exactly,” Chad said. “And that’s not going to change anytime soon. And sure, you could try sending someone else in – like Evie – but that’s just… not going to go well.”

“Because your grandfather’s a dick?” Jay offered.

“Yep.” Chad shrugged. It was what it was, and he’d long come to terms with that. “When you invited me on this trip, he thought it was so you could have me be the fall guy when things inevitably went wrong. So just like- don’t worry about it. If he tries to kick up a fuss about Sardinia being excluded, we can attempt to arrange a meeting with my dad himself, which the Duke won’t give us, and then we’ll all be at an awkward impasse.”

“I am _really_ not liking the sound of your grandfather,” Harry said, lips pulled back in a light sneer. 

“That’s because he’s a fuddy duddy,” Chad said, the least offensive of his options. “So in conclusion, are we good for scheduling more time in Camelot? Because I want to hear from Merlin and that asshole’s difficult to track down.”

Ben stared at him incomprehensibly for a few moments, like he couldn’t picture a world where a grandfather did not like his grandson.

“ _Yeah, you’re good_ ,” Mal said, and Chad motioned for Harry to chart their new course.

So it wasn’t an entire waste of a meeting.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“What the fuck, Chad?!”

It wasn’t like Chad hadn’t expected to see Audrey eventually, he just hadn’t expected to see her _now_ , even if he was back in Central Auradon for a mandatory meeting he was pretty sure Uma made up so she could see her crewmates again. It was a meeting they indulged because they were on their way back south to Montunui as it was, because they couldn’t just schedule a kingdom-wide tour in like, an expedient, logical manner, they had to go to each of their host kingdoms when it was most convenient for _them_ , hence all the dumb, excessive traveling.

Audrey was supposed to be in school, but finals were coming up soon for Auradon University. Chad had already taken his online (and _passed_ them – take that, _Duke_ ), so he didn’t have anything to worry about for their last two and half months of traveling. Their tour was scheduled to end at the beginning of the next fall semester, where Jay would go to Sherwood Forest and Chad Auradon University and Gil and Harry would go wherever Uma told them to. 

It was not something Chad thought about on a regular basis. It was also not something he mildly dreaded. 

The end of the tour meant the Enchanted Lake would be reopened, and then he and Jay could go their separate ways, just as they were always meant to. 

None of that had prepared Chad to see Audrey again, especially not when she caught him off guard.

“Audrey!” Chad cheered, doing his best to pretend he was delighted to see the princess when he was actually sort of terrified. This wouldn’t have happened if he was at Auradon Castle, but he’d taken a detour to Evie’s place to hang out with Dizzy, who he’d just seen off so she could go to _her_ classes. Chad was in the middle of taking some pictures of the scenic backyard for Gil (who had specifically requested them) when Audrey had stormed up, anger clouding her expression like a thunderstorm of rage.

“Don’t _‘Audrey_ ’ me, _you fuck_ ,” Audrey hissed, and it was clear there was something more to her anger that day – hurt, definitely, perhaps a bit of sorrow that she refused to acknowledge. “Is it true you spent Valentine’s day with Mal?”

“Technically, it was _Pal_ -entines day,” Chad replied blithely, because maybe if he kept things light, she wouldn’t escalate the situation.

It was unlikely, but just like, _maybe_.

“And _Yule?_ ” Audrey continued, like she hadn’t heard him. “Is it true you’ve been in Auradon _several_ times since you started this dumb trip but you haven’t seen me _once?!_ ”

“I- you were busy,” Chad said, floundering for an excuse. “I mean, I’d check your Instagram and you were always doing something and I didn’t want to bother you, or get in your way. You know I don’t want to get in your way, Audrey-”

“I’m your _only friend_ , you _asshole_!” she snarled. “Do you know how it looks for you to come to the same city as me and pretend I don’t even exist? People talk, you know.”

“Then they’re stupid,” Chad pressed. “Why are you listening to them? They’re beneath you.”

“Because you’re supposed to be _mine_ ,” Audrey snapped, and maybe that was the crux of the issue. “You’re supposed to be _mine_ and not Mal’s. She doesn’t get you too. She already got _Ben-_ ”

“Audrey-” For once, Chad found himself aching for Audrey all over again, which he tried not to do _not_ out of callousness, but out of the very fact that there was so little he could do to help her. 

“ _No!_ ” Furious tears were pooling down Audrey’s cheeks, the predecessor to no good things, which was why Chad wasn’t surprised when her expression hardened. “You know… I didn’t lose _all_ my powers.”

The words made Chad’s heart freeze in his chest. “What?”

“The scepter,” Audrey sniffed, walking towards Chad in a dangerous sway. “It leaves an imprint on whoever uses it.” She flexed her hand, and there was no doubt that the subtle movement was entirely menacing. “I still have some tricks up my sleeve. Maybe I should remind you what happens to people who cross me.”

“No, Audrey,” Chad gasped, dropping his façade to genuinely beg. “ _Please-_ ”

She held up a familiar hand and _flexed_ , cutting Chad’s words off with a choke. He struggled at the invisible force against his neck, but of course there was nothing there. There was no hand cutting off his air supply, there was only Audrey and her furious glare, wet with tears that leaked from the corners of her eyes.

It was Chad’s nightmare, his terror, every horrible flashback multiplied and brought to life in that very moment. He could feel himself lifted up until the tips of his toes brushed the ground. Audrey let him hang there, just like she had before when he’d tried to curtail her stream of destruction, until she finally allowed him to collapse against the ground in a crumpled heap. 

“Stupid,” she hissed, her fingers tugging roughly at his collar so she could pull his shirt open, likely so she could get a better view. “ _Stupid_. You said you’d text but you’ve barely done…”

She trailed off into silence, and Chad was too grateful for the reprieve to register _why_ that might be before she was growling all over again, and the invisible clamp returned to his neck in full force.

“You said you’d _wait for me!_ ” she yelled, and Chad realized too late that she must have seen whatever hickies Jay and Harry had left on his shoulders. “Who is she?!” Audrey continued, ripping Chad’s shirt open with an invisible force to search for more bruises and growing more bereft and furious when she found them. “Is she better than I am? Is it _Mal_?”

“N-ngh- _no_ ,” Chad managed to gasp through the vice, but Audrey wasn’t listening to him anymore, too consumed with ripping off his clothing to take in every part of him. Things got worse when she saw the bruising around his hips, and then she was dragging his underwear off, until he was sprawled in the soft grass of Evie’s garden, mostly naked and suffocating. 

“I can’t believe you,” Audrey gasped, and now she really was crying in full force. Chad hadn’t- she hadn’t _loved_ Chad, but he’d been a point of stability for her, and now it was obvious what happened when that stability was taken away. “You’re supposed to love _me_. You’re supposed to love me and we’ll get married and have kids and live _happily ever after_.”

She started jerking between his legs, growing more and more frustrated when Chad failed to become aroused, because she was still mostly choking him and this was not a great situation. “Come _on_ ,” she hissed, and with a surge of pink energy Chad was- yeah, that was a magic boner, awesome, now he’d gotten those from two different people.

“A-Audrey,” Chad gasped, because she’d finally released her hold on Chad’s throat in favor of magically pinning his arms over his head. “Audrey, _stop_. You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. You can do so much better if you’d just _let_ yourself-”

“D-Don’t try to be _coy_ ,” Audrey cried, shoulders heaving as she moved to straddle Chad. “Y-You’re just a c-coward and a l-liar and I- I’m gonna- I’ll do you a _favor-_ ”

“ _Audrey_.” Chad was crying now too, crying from pain and helplessness for his situation and for Audrey, who had been so very broken by the expectations shoved upon her that she couldn’t see an end that didn’t lead to madness.

“ _We_ are g-gonna _make love_ ,” Audrey said. “And I’ll- I’ll have your baby and you’ll h- _have_ to stay with me and I’ll- I won’t be left alone-”

“ _Audrey!_ ” The shout came from the castle, and Chad was able to look up to see Evie and Jane charging upon them, Evie’s expression hard while Jane wore a look of mock horror. “Get off him.”

“N-No.” Audrey shook her head, sobbing quietly. “No, he’s supposed to _love me_.”

“Not like this,” Evie said, moving forward with a slow sway of her hips. “And you know that. You can’t force him to stay, he has to _want_ to.”

That made Audrey sob harder, but she _did_ let Chad go – Chad, who already felt the bruises forming on his neck and wrists, could already feel invisible scratch marks from where she’d ripped off his clothing begin to leak blood. 

“Come on,” Evie said, pulling Audrey up and off of Chad. “Come on, Audrey. We need to get you help.”

“B-But I’m a princess,” Audrey moaned, falling into her hold. “I h-have to be p-perfect-”

“You _are_ perfect,” Evie said, which was not entirely true but likely what Audrey needed to hear in that moment, what Audrey had needed to hear for a long time. 

The truth was, they had likely failed the princess of Auroria through their inaction, and maybe she had never recovered from the corruption that had leaked to her from Maleficent’s scepter, but…

There were lines.

She’d crossed them.

Chad waited for them to be a sufficient distance away before he moved, half-scared that Audrey would change her mind, that she’d come back to finish the job. In that time, Jane crossed to him, fluttering about with an obvious anxiety as she tried not to stare at his disheveled and aroused state. He didn’t try to explain himself since everyone thought the worst of him anyway, instead fingering the bruises on his neck with a wince.

“I won’t- um- press charges,” he said. Well, more like croaked. “But… maybe we should get her therapy.”

The comment seemed to catch Jane off guard. “Evie will take care of it,” she finally said as she moved to help Chad stand. “I… I thought you two were close. Why… why would she…?”

Chad shrugged it off, sighing at the tattered remnants of his clothes. Maybe Doug would let him borrow something. “It’s nothing she hasn’t done before.”

Jane gave him a look of wide-eyed terror. “What?”

“You know,” Chad waved it off, then tried to walk back to the castle as casually as he could as a person dressed in rags. “When she was the _Queen of Mean_. She… the scepter messed with her head, I think. She um… she did stuff like that, to me.”

There was a small silence while Jane helped him hobble inside, and luckily there was no Evie or Audrey to be seen. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“She was my girlfriend,” Chad said. “That’s the stuff you do for your girlfriend.”

It was a lie. Audrey had ended things with him when the scepter had really dug its claws into her, but she’d still taken what she’d wanted, and Chad had given it to her, because he’d been so very scared. 

He wasn’t that noble of a prince, not really.

Jane was quiet for a moment, then she tugged him upstairs. “No, no it isn’t. And if you wanted to-”

“I don’t,” Chad interrupted, not trying to be rude now that he’d rekindled whatever mild friendship he’d had with Jane, but still needing to be firm. “I’m fine. I just- let’s forget about this.”

“Chad…” Jane looked distinctly unhappy by this. “Maybe… maybe you need to talk to someone about this stuff too. Audrey wasn’t the only one who got hurt.”

Perhaps. But Audrey was the only one who didn’t know how to _process_ her hurt, because she hadn’t been conditioned from a young enough age to rely on no one but herself. 

That was what having loving parents did for you. 

“I’ll think about it,” Chad said, and felt an immediate measure of relief when he realized she had guided him into a free room to change. “Thanks, Jane.”

“…you’re welcome,” she said eventually. 

And that was that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Are you wearing Doug’s clothes?” Mal asked when Chad got back to the castle, staring at his form with a level of bewilderment that was frankly unwarranted.

“How would you know that?” Chad countered, feeling defensive and mildly curious, because he was pretty sure he’d picked out an outfit Doug hadn’t worn in a while, seeing as it had been shoved to the back of his closet.

“That was what he wore on Parents’ Day,” Mal explained, her eyes still narrowed in a critical review. “When he turned away from Evie, so he swore never to wear that outfit ever again even though we said it was fine.”

“Neat,” Chad drawled, because of course he’d managed to select an outfit with negative associations. “Then I can give it a new life for him.”

“Still sort of wondering why you stole his clothes, though.”

“What happened to yours?” Gil asked from his position splayed across the couch. He was acting as Mal’s muse, the queen-to-be doing a quick sketch of him ‘ _while the light was right_ ’, but honestly, Chad was pretty sure she was just keeping him occupied so Uma and Harry could catch up, and Ben could bug Jay with the distraction that was his friendship.

“It’s a long, boring story,” Chad said, earning a startled look from Jane. For whatever reason, she had decided to follow him back to the castle. “I took those pictures you wanted.”

“ _Awesome_ ,” Gil whispered, his smile wide. “Evie’s gonna help me make an _inspiration board_ , only my board’s not for inspiration, but like, for stuff that makes me happy, like trees, and you guys.”

Curse every dipshit nobility that thought the Isle refugees were nothing but irredeemable garbage, Gil was the purest ray of sunshine and Chad wanted to wrap him in a hug and never let him go. 

“That’s cool, Gil,” Chad offered, and just like every other time he gave the blond a mild word of encouragement, it seemed to rock his entire world.

“Hey, Jane,” Mal murmured with a forced sort of casualness. “Everything okay?”

The young fairy tensed. “Um… sort of. I need to talk to Ben, though.”

Chad shot her a tired look. “Jane-”

“Ben’s the king,” she insisted. “He needs to know.”

“Know what?” Mal asked, and for all that she appeared nonchalant, Chad knew they weren’t getting out of this without supplying some kind of answer.

He went ahead and bit the bullet. “Audrey had a breakdown,” he explained. “Evie’s helping get everything sorted, but her parents will need to be informed.”

A frown tugged at Mal’s lips. “I thought you and Audrey were bros.”

“Chad isn’t at fault here, Mal,” Jane interrupted before Chad could muster a reply. “What happened _wasn’t his fault_.”

Chad rolled his eyes. He knew that. He also knew he wasn’t going to be crying about it anytime soon, though he would like to get some ice for his bruises. “So where is Ben, anyway?” he asked, deciding to get the ball rolling on that. “What wonderful misadventures is he taking Jay on?”

“The misadventures where they watch recordings of old Tourney games and Ben goads Jay into talking about _statistics_ ,” Mal said with a put-upon sigh, yet for all that she answered the question, he knew she wasn’t letting her curiosity go entirely.

“Great, so they’re in the lounge,” Chad said, motioning for Jane to follow him. “Catch up with you guys later.”

“Bye, Chad!” Gil cheered, further proving he was the best human Chad knew. 

“So here’s the plan,” Chad said as he guided Jane through the castle he now knew by heart. “I’ll take Jay so you and Benjamin can have an adult discussion without us, but just like, don’t make this a big deal, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Chad,” Jane sighed in a manner that was quickly becoming familiar. “Just because you don’t think this is a big deal doesn’t mean it _isn’t_. The stuff Audrey did-”

“Is nothing in the long run,” Chad said. “It’s… meaningless. Irrelevant. My point is, _I’m_ not stressing about it, so you shouldn’t be either.”

Besides, a great deal of people would argue that Chad had it coming. There was no point in looking for sympathy when he was guaranteed to get none. 

Jane opened her mouth, then closed it, because she couldn’t really argue with that. So Chad savored his sweet, sweet victory until he got to the king’s private quarters, taking Jane through the main sitting area of the suite and aiming her towards the private lounge set aside for the incredibly rare instance Ben had free time to watch _tv_. Like, it wasn’t entirely unwarranted, because he was using the space _now_ , but still, the place was mostly for decoration. 

He was in a relatively good mood until he heard Jay’s voice spilling through the closed door, sharp and bordering on defensive. “ _Don’t say that shit, Ben_.”

“ _Why?_ ” the king asked, wonderfully oblivious to whatever offense he had caused. “ _I’m just saying that objectively, he’s pretty good looking-_ ”

“ _Aren’t friends supposed to respect boundaries, or whatever?_ ” Jay asked, his tone more aggressive. “ _Well, this is it. This is my boundary. Knock it off_.”

“ _But **why** , Jay? There’s no harm in it._”

“ _I said-_ ”

Chad knocked on the door because he was a polite soul, and keeping Jay from assaulting the most powerful person in Auradon was but one of the many things he could offer this world.

“Hey guys, It’s Chad and Jane,” Chad said, using a bored tone to imply that he and Jane had just gotten there. “Can we come in, or is the love of Tourney too strong for us?”

He could _hear_ Jay scoff. “ _You can come in_ ,” he decided, a power move on his part for inviting someone into what was technically Ben’s space.

Chad didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, holding the door open for Jane who shyly pushed her way in, her hands twisting together in front of her.

“Hey, guys,” Ben said, looking as relaxed and charming as usual, and not at all like he’s just shoved Jay into some kind of figurative corner. “What can I do for you?”

“Jane needs to tell you boring adult stuff,” Chad said, waving her towards the king. “So I’m gonna take Jay and… do paperwork, or something.”

Jay perked up. “Can we bug Mrs. Potts for snacks?”

“We can _politely request_ snacks,” Chad amended, because he was intimately aware of who _not_ to piss off in the hierarchy of Auradon Castle. “…maybe we should get some strawberries.”

For Mal. And maybe he could feed some to Gil. Chad liked taking care of Gil, it made him feel useful.

“As long as we pass on the shrimp,” Jay said, taking the tactful retreat for what it was, and they both took a moment to shudder at Uma’s pointed but respectable rage at that particular seafood. 

“Um.” Ben blinked. “Okay, I guess I’ll see you guys-”

“Bye, chief!” Chad said, dragging Jay onwards to better things. 

“You gotta start using his name at some point,” Jay said, _Jay_ , who last Chad heard was greatly annoyed at Ben.

That was just how likeable that dumbass was.

“Whatever,” Chad sniffed. It was already done anyway. They may as well focus on _snacks_ for now.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They ran into Uma and Harry on the way back to the lounge, the two pirates having just gone for a _stroll through the gardens_ (wink-wink-nudge-nudge) and Harry very much did not appreciate their friendly ribbing, getting more and more flushed while Uma just laughed.

Chad ended up having to shut him up by shoving a tiramisu bon-bon into his mouth, which didn’t stop the glaring all that much, but it _did_ keep Harry’s mouth occupied (though Chad’s libido longed to do that in a _different_ way). 

They rejoined Mal and Gil and the good Captain Uma allowed Chad to feed _her_ grapes, and then Gil, upon seeing them, demanded some with his big puppy eyes, so Mal allowed it because even she was susceptible to Gil’s doting might.

It was all well and good and their new equivalent of _okay_ until Ben strolled through the door, looking upset and tense to the point of combustion.

“What?” Mal said, immediately putting her sketchbook aside to meet her fiancé. “What happened?”

“Fucking shit,” Chad huffed, letting his head fall to the back of the couch with a sigh. “I told Jane not to make a big deal out of it.”

“Make a big deal out of _what_?” Mal pressed, accepting Ben’s hug and cradling the king’s head against her shoulder. “Does this have something to do with why you’re wearing Doug’s clothes?”

Harry gave Chad a once over. “I thought ye were wearing something else earlier.”

“What did Audrey _do_?” Mal continued. “What could have been so awful-”

“She assaulted Chad,” Ben mumbled, and even though it was muffled against Mal’s shoulder, the words were still easy to hear.

When he was met with the combined concern of everyone but Ben, Chad offered them a lazy wave. “She _barely_ assaulted me. Evie stopped her before anything bad happened.”

“Apparently she still has some remnants of magic from Maleficent’s scepter,” Ben added before anyone could react to that. “She used that to… to hurt Chad.”

“ _Barely_ ,” Chad repeated. “I already told Jane I’m not pressing charges, but Audrey needs help-”

“She tried to _rape you_ ,” Ben snarled, pulling away from Mal with a guttural growl spilling from his throat.

This must be what Mal meant about ‘going beast’. 

“But she didn’t,” Chad dismissed with a bored look, because if _he_ was casual, eventually the others would be too. “Why are you getting worked up about something that didn’t happen?”

“Because apparently it _has_ happened before!” Ben roared, his chest heaving and volume so frankly impressive that Chad wanted to applaud him, would have if he wasn’t so sure it would end with yet another bruise he didn’t want.

The others tensed, but Chad simply rolled his eyes. “It isn’t rape if you’re dating, Ben. And I already told Jane it was fine-”

“If you didn’t want it,” Uma interrupted, her tone so hard it could have broken steel. “-then it _was_ rape, whether you were dating or not.”

Chad knew, in a distant sense, that Uma was trying to be helpful. But Chad also knew that if he looked too closely into what Audrey had done to him that he might not be able to recover from it, and honestly, _what was the point_.

“Whatever,” Chad sighed. “It’s in the past, now. The only thing that matters-”

Ben roared. He _roared_ , and if Chad thought he had been loud before, it was nothing on this. The king turned, lashing out at some side table and splintering it into pieces, making Gil flinch violently back against the couch. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Ben hissed, and then he was stomping away, which was probably the best choice he could make, all things considered. 

Mal stared after him for a hard moment, then started walking, her eyes tinged a furious shade of green. “I’ll get him.”

“ _I’ll_ get him,” Uma interrupted, and Mal gave her a look so aggressive Chad thought there was going to be another fight. Still, Uma was a badass, so she didn’t back down an inch. “You take Jay and practice some sword fighting or hand-to-hand combat or something. Harry.” The first mate snapped out of whatever trance had taken a hold of him. “You wanna go with them or stay with Gil and Chad?”

“I…” He bared his teeth, a feral sort of thing that matched the trembling in his shoulders.

Chad sighed. “We’ll be _fine_ , Harry.”

“Ye say that about a lot of shit,” Harry snapped, and when Gil flinched again, his expression melted into something apologetic. “…I’ll practice fighting.”

“Good,” Uma said, and that seemed to be enough to dismiss everyone else, until it was just Gil and Chad in the lounge all by themselves.

Well.

_This sucked_. 

“Wanna run down to the beach?” Chad asked on a whim, suddenly feeling stifled by the walls of the castle.

“What?” Gil seemed entirely shocked by this abrupt change of pace.

“The beach,” Chad repeated. “We’ll grab a horse and ride down there – get our feet wet and find seashells and shit.”

Gil thought about this for a moment. “…Uma does like shells.”

“I know,” Chad said. It was why he had offered.

Gil shifted his weight unhappily. “But what about… the- the stuff?”

“They’ll take care of themselves,” Chad dismissed. “And it will all be fine. So let’s like- have awesome blond bonding time.”

“…we are two pretty awesome blonds,” Gil said, which was all the approval Chad needed for this venture.

_Yes_ , sweet distraction here they come.

-:-:-:-:-:-

That was how Chad and Gil got to spend a lovely afternoon wading through the shallows, looking at tidepools and accumulating shells for Uma’s collection. It was Chad’s suggestion that they take them to Dizzy to be made into jewelry, which Gil immediately jumped onboard for, which was how they got to enjoy the fresh air and cool water until the sun began dipping back over the horizon.

“And you’re okay?” Gil said as they climbed back onto the horse Chad had borrowed, the other blond setting himself behind the prince, which meant he had to wrap his arms around Chad’s waist but that was for _safety_ , and not because of gay stuff.

“I’m totally fine,” Chad assured him. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“Just… I know sometimes I like to downplay bad stuff that happens to me so Harry and Uma don’t get worried.”

Well, Chad didn’t have a Harry or Uma _to_ worry, so there was no one he had to put up a front for aside from himself.

Chad chose to focus on Gil. “You’re not going to have to do that anymore,” he said, patting the blond’s arm. “If someone makes you feel bad, you should talk about it, because we care about you. In this instance, I _don’t_ feel bad, which is why I’m not talking about it.”

Gil considered this for a moment, then let his chin set on Chad’s shoulder, like he really was trying to ruin the prince. “You’re so tough.”

“Hardly,” Chad said, and then he kicked the horse into a low trot. 

Uma was waiting in the stables by the time they got back. “You two have fun?”

“Yes, Captain, thank you, captain,” Gil said, climbing down from the horse so he could pull the slight teen into a mighty hug. “Chad says he isn’t upset, by the way, so maybe we should trust him.”

Uma hummed. “Maybe,” she said, because even after all this time, Chad hadn’t _really_ earned that kind of respect. “Come on, Mrs. Potts has dinner waiting.”

“Is Ben still mad?” Chad asked, because if the king was, he was going to conveniently relocate himself anywhere else.

“Not at you,” she said somewhat vaguely. Which sounded a whole lot like a _yes_. “Before you start grumbling, we’ve decided to allow the matter to drop.”

“Awfully kind of you,” Chad said, sure to be especially snide, and he was less surprised when Uma gestured towards one of the water troughs and scooped up some of the water with magic, flicking it into Chad’s face.

“Don’t be a baby,” she said, like he hadn’t been the most composed individual about this. “Ben still wants a doctor to look you over. Jane said you got bruised?”

“It’s fine,” Chad said, thinking of the dark rings hidden just under the collar of his shirt.

“Yeah, it’s not a negotiation,” she drawled. “But Ben promised not the bring this shit up again in return, so…”

Chad sighed. “I’ll take it,” he said, and then resigned himself to pointless prodding and even more pointless questions.

Still, if it got him Mrs. Potts’ dinner _without_ Ben’s scowling face, he would gladly take it.

Opportunity was, after all, not a lengthy visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know that was a bit of a rough one, but now the others have a better understanding for some of the things Chad has been through. I can’t promise that the serious stuff is over because the next two chapters either reference or directly deal with that sort of stuff, but it will be worth it in the end for the final chapter! At least, I hope. I am, understandably, quite biased.
> 
> In lighter news, thanks for all the feedback, guys!!! I don’t think I can state enough how much your support is appreciated, if you cannot tell by my excessive use of exclamation marks ;D
> 
> Story notes:
> 
> I decided that the imprint of magic left in Audrey is sort of like the dark side of the Force from Star Wars, so she has telekinesis and whatever other skills I need her to have in order to make the story dramatic. 
> 
> For the record, ‘why didn’t you tell anyone?’ is probably the worst question you could ask a survivor of sexual assault, but for the purposes of propelling the conversation in the direction I wanted it to go, I had Jane ask it. Let’s assume she is not familiar with how to handle these situations because they haven’t occurred in her corner of Auradon before. 
> 
> ‘Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor’ is a quote from the musical ‘Into the Woods’. It is said by Cinderella’s mother, who acts as the Fairy Godmother in that story. I thought it was appropriate ^_^
> 
> WARNING – Choking/Assault – In the third scene there is a confrontation between Audrey and Chad about their struggling relationship. This leads to Audrey having a breakdown, and as a result, she ends up attacking Chad with some of her latent powers while she interrogates him. She also strips off his clothes. If you would like to skip this, look for this line:
> 
> “No, Audrey,” Chad gasped, dropping his façade to genuinely beg. “Please-”
> 
> You can jump back in at:
> 
> “A-Audrey,” Chad gasped, because she’d finally released her hold on Chad’s throat in favor of magically pinning his arms over his head. “Audrey, stop. You don’t need me. You’ve never needed me. You can do so much better if you’d just let yourself-” 
> 
> This will bring you back in before the attempted non-con, so see below for that warning. 
> 
> WARNING – Attempted Non-Con – Also in the third scene, after Audrey starts choking Chad. She attempts to have sex with him, but is interrupted before anything can happen. If you would like to avoid this, look for:
> 
> “I can’t believe you,” Audrey gasped, and now she really was crying in full force. Chad hadn’t- she hadn’t loved Chad, but he’d been a point of stability for her, and now it was obvious what happened when that stability was taken away. “You’re supposed to love me. You’re supposed to love me and we’ll get married and have kids and live happily ever after.” 
> 
> You can jump back in at:
> 
> “Audrey!” The shout came from the castle, and Chad was able to look up to see Evie and Jane charging upon them, Evie’s expression hard while Jane wore a look of mock horror. “Get off him.” 
> 
> Until next time


	6. From Whence Catastrophe Blows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING – This chapter contains referenced sexual assault. Please see the endnotes for more details.
> 
> MINOR WARNING – Homophobic language. There are two f-bombs in this chapter, they are both in the fifth scene.

“Hey, guys!” Ben’s voice cheered from the distance like a horrible specter, taunting Chad with the nice afternoon he _could_ have had without the king’s intervention.

“We have got to stop doing this,” Chad groaned under his breath, then followed the others down the gangplank to where Ben, Mal, and Uma were waiting, Ben about eighteen flavors of _enthusiastic_ they did not need this early in the day.

“Surprise!” Ben cheered upon seeing them, because he really was a dork, though granted, a dork that needed to make sure his wildly unqualified ducklings hadn’t burned the world down in his name. “We’re here to take you to lunch!”

“Yay, awesome, cool,” Chad drawled under his breath, letting the literal ray of sunshine that was Gil handle the positive response on behalf of the group.

“Really?” Gil chirped, rubbing elbows with Harry who merely rolled his eyes. “That’s awesome! Thanks, King Ben.”

It was likely just Chad’s imagination, but it seemed like a pale flush dusted Ben’s cheeks. “It’s _just_ Ben, Gil. Since we’re friends.”

“ _Wow_ ,” the blond said without irony, making Chad wonder how anyone in the entire planet could have ever hated the purity that was Gil.

“Be amazed later,” Uma ordered, cutting through the bullshit with what seemed to be her signature smirk. “Hugs, now.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” Harry drawled, and then both of the pirates were on their tiny captain, hugging her between them. It was disgustingly cute. Chad hated it. 

From the corner of his eye, Chad caught Jay aiming towards Mal, which wouldn’t do because that would leave Chad with _Ben_ which was the last thing he wanted. Despite Uma’s deal, the king still had his moments where he was a little _strained_ around Chad, so the prince deftly stepped behind the dumb almost-sorcerer and shoved him in Ben’s direction, making Jay yelp straight into the king’s arms with a lovely flail. 

“Hi, Mal,” Chad said as though he did not see Jay’s glorious bout of clumsiness. Ben had even caught him too. Chad bet they were staring dreamily into each other’s eyes or something. He’d look for himself, but if he made eye contact with Ben he’d have to do something drastic, like throw himself in the bay. “How goes things?”

Mal lifted an unimpressed brow at him. “You talked to me yesterday.”

“A day where you must have been stealthily traveling,” Chad pointed out. “So how did that go?”

“We got here in one piece, didn’t we?” Mal challenged, the corner of her lips kicking up in a smirk.

“Ben, I swear _I’m fine_ ,” Jay was gushing, sounding wonderfully flustered. “I just missed a step-”

“You never do that,” Ben said, his brows furrowed in concern and yes, he definitely still had a hold on Jay, as though he was afraid the sorcerer would fall down if Ben released him. “You’re the epitome of agile. Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor? Because you’re always really flushed when I call you-”

“I’m _fine_ , Ben,” Jay groaned, tone bordering on a whine. “Chad, tell him I’m fine.”

Chad, who did not want to be dragged into this conversation at all, offered Ben a bored shrug. “He ice skated into a tree yesterday and didn’t lose any teeth. I’m pretty sure Jay is indestructible.”

“ _Jay_ ,” Ben chided, cradling the other teen’s face between his hands so he could tilt it this way and that, searching for bruises while Jay flushed with embarrassment. “Why didn’t you tell me about that?”

“It didn’t even leave a bruise, Ben,” Jay pressed. “I’m perfectly healthy. Now, weren’t we doing lunch?”

“I’m taking you to the doctor afterwards,” Ben said, entirely stubborn, and Chad knew then and there that there would be no escape for Jay, who likely wanted one something desperate. 

“Maybe we should get them all checked out,” Uma mused as she dragged her boys over, holding onto both of their hands. “See if Jay’s stupid decided to spread.”

“I’ll have you know I’m perfectly _fine_ , thank you,” Chad sniffed, making a show of being offended. “But it probably wouldn’t hurt for Jay to get a full physical-” 

“ _Chad_ ,” Jay hissed.

“-due to all the accidents he’s managed to survive,” Chad continued as if he hadn’t heard him. 

“I’ll arrange for that then,” Ben said solemnly, already tapping something into his phone.

“In the meantime,” Mal picked up. “Let’s have lunch.”

“Sure,” Chad said, offering her his arm, and then being even more surprised when she took it. “Let’s.”

-:-:-:-:-:-

Somehow, somewhere, some way, they managed to get seated at a restaurant and Chad _didn’t_ feel like the seventh wheel, even if that was what he totally was. The table they got was round, so instead of Ben or Chad getting stuck at the end of the table, they were all equally spaced apart. Somehow, Chad ended up sitting between Ben and Gil (Mal shooting him a knowing look from her spot between Harry and Jay), so Chad spent most of the meal coaxing Gil into being distracting for Ben, which was difficult, because Uma was on Gil’s other side and Uma was Gil’s _everything_. Half the time, Chad found himself getting dragged into _their_ conversation, and occasionally Harry would chime in from Uma’s other side, though _he_ spent a majority of the meal chatting with Mal. 

The bright side was that Jay was _equally_ exposed to Ben, so he would probably be a lovely blushing mess by the end of the meal.

“I hate you,” Jay hissed when they were leaving the restaurant. “You giant shit. Ben’s not queer, he’s just _nice_.”

“ _To look at_ ,” Chad urged with a wag of his brows, and Jay’s expression of resulting fury was great until Ben dragged _Chad_ to the doctor’s office along with Mal, the three pirates making the most of their time off by being horribly codependent somewhere.

“I should really go back to the ship,” Chad insisted, because with Jay in an examination room it was _his_ dumb ass sitting between Mal and Ben, and Mal refused to play along and be Chad’s distraction, so it really was just the _Ben_ show with Ben being all _Ben_ -like, which in this instance meant overcompensating for his anger the last time they’d been together by being aggressively _nice_.

“What, no- you can’t,” Ben would say, like he really wanted Chad around, and then he’d wrap a hand around Chad’s shoulder, which gradually became an arm draped across his back and Chad did not _deserve_ this much contact from someone who was not Jay, it was _unfair_. “We need to catch up. I’ve hardly spoken to you since you left.”

Which was through a dedicated effort on Chad’s part, who did not need Ben attempting to subtly urge him to look into therapy when Chad _did not need it_.

“We’ve both been busy,” Chad offered, which only got him a soulful look from Ben. “Hey, why don’t you tell me about how things have been going with the council-”

“ _Chad_ ,” Ben whined, batting his puppy dog eyes at the blond prince. “Come on, man.”

“Just tell him about the horse story,” Mal sighed, staring at the ceiling as though searching for some unknown deity to bestow patience upon her. 

“Oh.” Chad blinked. Alright, he could do that.

It turned out, Ben didn’t think dumb-Jay stories were nearly as funny as Mal did, so Chad switched over to cute-Gil stories instead, which had the king cooing over a picture of Gil buried under like, a mountain of puppies, when Jay stormed into the lobby.

He then deftly stormed out onto the street, which meant Chad had to go retrieve his dumb diva face. 

“I’ll get him,” Chad volunteered, tucking his phone away and waving Ben towards the counter. “You do paperwork.”

“Chad-” Ben protested, but Chad was already leaving, well-versed in the art of frustrated Jay. 

To the sorcerer’s credit, he was halfway down the street when Chad got outside, forcing the prince to jog in order to catch up to him.

“Come on,” Chad huffed when he got close enough. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“ _Fuck you_ ,” Jay hissed, whirling on him with an open snarl. “That _crackpot_ gave me a _prostate exam_.”

Chad froze, because things might work different in Westerly, but there was still the token rule that prostate exams were unnecessary for men under the age of fifty, unless it was a special circumstance.

And that wasn’t the end of it.

“So _of course_ I got worked up,” Jay continued. “And he pretended it was fine and got- got a- _coaxed_ a semen sample from me for the sake of- I don’t know, _thoroughness_ , and he said it was fine but it is not fine and that dude’s going to blackmail me.”

“My dear,” Chad began slowly, feeling a distinct fury grip his chest. “The only thing that dude’s going to get is torn apart.” His gaze drifted over to Mal, who had apparently followed Chad, though she’d been kind enough to allow Jay and Chad their space. “Why don’t you two go back to the ship? Or to whatever hotel you guys grabbed. Ben and I will be right there.”

Jay looked uneasy. “Chad-”

“I’ll handle it,” Chad said, making sure there was no room in his tone for confusion. “It will be handled, and then it will no longer be a problem.”

Mal’s brows furrowed. “There’s a problem?”

“In ten minutes, there won’t be,” Chad said, and with that he turned on his heel, speed walking back towards the doctor’s office as confidently as he could. By the time he got back inside, Ben seemed to have worked himself into an anxious fit, though he didn’t show it.

Chad ignored him, deftly activating his phone’s voice recorder app before pushing his way into the back room, ignoring the objections from the receptionist. He was pretty sure Ben followed him too, but Chad ignored that, because he had more important things to handle.

It didn’t take long to find the doctor, because he was storing away his _samples_ in less law-abiding areas of the clinic, and the man had the good grace to look surprised when Chad slammed into his office.

“It might surprise you to learn that coaxing unwilling semen samples from a patient technically qualifies as a form of sexual assault, and as such, you will be charged under the full weight of the Auradon law.”

The doctor was shocked for all of a moment before he stumbled through a defensive protest, which was unfortunate for him because that gave Ben time to process what Chad had said.

“It was hardly _unwilling_ ,” the doctor sputtered. “It was obvious to see he was _excited_ after his prostate exam-”

“Yet another unnecessary procedure,” Chad marveled. “Now are all Westerly doctors as negligent as you are to the standard code of conduct, or did you make an exception for a celebrity isle refugee?” For a moment they stood there at an impasse, and then Chad held out his hand. “The sample.”

“I can’t give it to you,” the doctor sniffed. “It’s against regulations-”

“To harass your patients, yes,” Chad finished, voice dry. “It is similarly against regulations to sell their bodily fluids on the black market to whatever fanatic or ne'er-do-well happens to pay the highest price. It would be an abuse of your position, but moreover-”

“You can prove nothing,” the doctor spat, cradling what must be Jay’s _‘samples’_ in his hands.

“You think that?” Chad asked, quirking an unimpressed brow at him. “You think we would let one of _the_ Core Four attend a physician they’ve never used before without some kind of assurance?” At those words, the doctor seemed to go pale, realizing the implications of his situation. “You think others haven’t tried what you’ve already done?”

“Y-You…” the doctor seemed unable to complete his response, which was fine with Chad.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Chad said, pressing a hand against the doctor’s desk. “You are going to give me that sample. You are going to turn over _any other samples_ that have been unwillingly surrendered to you. And then you are going to sign a plea deal that will have you permanently retiring from this profession and just _barely_ off the Isle of the Lost, and if you so much as _think_ about bringing this into the public eye, we will throw you to the damn hounds like the piece of shit you are. Do you understand?”

“Y-Y-Yes,” the doctor stuttered, eyes going wide. “Y-Yes, I- Here.” He passed over the samples, though it was a hollow victory, for all that this lunatic had still gotten a hold of Jay.

Chad had wanted some minor embarrassment, not _this_. 

Ben _growled_ , a rumbling thing that echoed through the room, making the doctor’s body seize. “I should ruin you.”

“He already ruined himself,” Chad assured him, trying to keep Ben from saying anything _else_ that could definitely be used to critique his position as king, and also defend the definite bluff Chad had used against the doctor. “Ben, go get the guards. And you.” He turned to the doctor, holding out his phone to where a new voice memo was recording. “Start talking.”

It was a straight forward afternoon, after that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Chad wasn’t sure if Ben felt better when they finally left the clinic, the doctor taken away by an unmarked patrol car – the epitome of low profile. With a full confession, Jay wouldn’t have to be bothered by giving a statement, which was the one small comfort Chad could take from this ordeal.

“I _can’t…_ ” Ben’s hands flexed into rough claws, curling in his lap like some kind of primal expression of his anger while the two of them were driven to the king’s hotel. “I can’t believe I- _fuck_. First you, now-”

“Ben.” Chad kept his voice very firm and as inflectionless as possible, because he didn’t want to distract the king. “You can’t let Jay know that you know about this.”

That made the king freeze. “What? But I- I’ve got to apologize. If I hadn’t _pushed_ , if I’d gone to a different doctor-”

“ _Ben_.” Now, Chad allowed his voice to get hard, because this was important. “I let you follow me because I knew you needed closure, but if Jay knew that you were aware of what happened, it would _crush_ him. Maybe you can talk about it in time, but right now, that is the last thing he needs.”

“That doesn’t…” Ben shook his head roughly, struggling to come to terms with it. “That’s not _right_. He shouldn’t have to bottle this stuff up; he didn’t do anything wrong.”

The fact that Ben was there when the doctor said Jay had gotten aroused and still believed that was a kindness, but it wasn’t one Jay was going to believe by any means. 

“He was just thoroughly humiliated,” Chad said instead of pointing any of that out. “And that’s something that might fade in time-”

“Can I at least get him in contact with a therapist?” Ben asked, eyes earnest and pressing because he wanted that for _Chad_ too. “He needs to talk to someone.”

“He’ll talk to _me_ ,” Chad said, and he must have been more forceful than he anticipated because _that_ seemed to snap Ben out of beast mode, _that_ had the king blinking at him with a look of surprise.

“…he will, won’t he,” Ben said, and it wasn’t even a question. “He told you as soon as it happened. I guess… I guess you guys are friends now.”

“More like frienemies,” Chad sniffed, the prospect of _befriending_ Jay grating on his nerves. “We work together a lot so we have an open line of communication. He’s used to using that, is all. Don’t be stupid and think he likes me more than you, or something, because he doesn’t.”

This deepened Ben’s surprise. “I… I guess I’m not used to you taking charge like that.” There was a thoughtful moment of silence. “Is this how you’ve been negotiating with the kingdoms?”

“Hardly,” Chad scoffed, feeling mildly offended that Ben would think as much. “You catch more flies with honey, and all that. This was just- extenuating circumstances.” Chad caught Ben’s gaze carefully. “You’re not going to mention it, right?”

Ben’s shoulders tensed. “…I will to Mal.”

“ _Obviously_.” Chad rolled his eyes. “Just don’t mention it to Jay. Or let _Mal_ mention it to Jay.” Assuming Jay hadn’t told her himself. “And don’t… don’t let this color your opinion of him.”

Now it was Ben’s turn to look offended. “I wouldn’t- that _wasn’t his fault_ , Chad. You do get that, don’t you?”

Chad could feel his cheeks begin to flood with warmth, though whether it was from frustration of embarrassment, he did not know. “Obviously _I_ know that, I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. You know with all the… unsavory talk out there.”

Ben’s face crumpled into a concerned expression. “Unsavory talk about Jay?”

This guy really was too stupid sometimes.

“No, about…” He was really going to make Chad spell this out, what a fuck. “About _why_ the doctor took advantage of him in the first place.”

Ben stared at him blankly. “He took advantage of him because he was a bad man, Chad.”

Whatever. Chad was done. He’d tried, and he was done. It was _Ben_ anyway; he wasn’t going to hold a grudge. At least, not much of one.

“Whatever,” Chad said, looking out the window.

“Chad.” Ben’s hand curled around his forearm, because he was super touchy feely that day. “This wasn’t Jay’s fault.”

“I fucking _know that_ , Ben,” Chad snapped, couldn’t help it, because they were literally talking in circles.

“Then what aren’t you saying?” Ben asked, his gaze so very sure. “What _unsavory_ thing about Jay-?”

“It’s not like _I_ find it unsavory, I just meant Auradon in general,” Chad interrupted. “And it doesn’t even matter because you obviously don’t give a shit so don’t worry about it.”

“ _Chad-_ ”

“Hey, neat, it looks like we’re here,” Chad said, and he didn’t wait for the chauffeur before he spilled out of the car, strolling towards the hotel like the damn champion he was. Hopefully, Ben would let this drop.

Or he wouldn’t, and Jay and Chad could just like- get banished by the king personally. So that might be fun.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Jay was on Chad the moment he walked into the penthouse suite, more or less dragging the prince to one of the far guest rooms with a scowl on his face.

“ _Relax_ ,” Chad hissed as soon as he locked the door behind them. “I got the guy arrested and facilitated an emergency gag order to defend your public image.” At Jay’s blank look, Chad elaborated, “The guy and any assigned officers can’t say _shit_ about this, and if they do, we can ruin them until the end of time. I also got his arrest publicly listed as tax fraud, since he’d been doing that too.” 

Jay seemed to relax over the course of Chad’s explanation, until he was finally nodding, his shoulders slumped in something like relief. “And Ben?”

It was fortunate that Chad had come to terms with the fact he was a piece of shit a long time ago, otherwise this might actually make him feel guilty. “Is confused,” Chad said. “And sad. He’ll probably want to hug you. Are you, um…”

“I’ll be fine,” Jay breathed, running a hand through his hair. “As long as no one knows, I don’t care.”

“Jay.” Chad’s chest began to feel tight. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

Jay scoffed, because just like every time Ben had offered those words, they were empty. “We both know if I hadn’t gotten worked up, he wouldn’t have had any ammunition to begin with.”

“I’m sorr-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Jay hissed, narrowing his eyes at Chad. “Don’t you dare fucking apologize.”

“I did this,” Chad pressed. “If I hadn’t-”

“It’s done,” Jay growled with a shake of his head. “Let’s leave it that way. Let’s forget it ever happened.”

“If… if that’s what you want,” Chad said.

Jay nodded, and that seemed to be that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Things were different after the doctor’s visit.

They had to be, of course, because they were reminded of the horrors that awaited outside the fairytale that was their ship. 

Under normal circumstances, Chad was sure Jay’s libido would have dropped to compensate for the horrible violation of privacy, but their enchantments necessitated a regular satisfaction of carnal pleasures, so their rendezvouses remained. Jay refused to allow Chad to apologize with words (to be fair, he hadn’t earned that right, so Chad didn’t exactly blame him), so Chad did what he could without them to try and make up for this very horrible thing. 

He allowed Jay to lead their interactions. If Jay wanted to fuck him, Chad didn’t argue. If Jay wanted to shove him down into an uncomfortable position, Chad took it, and took his dick, and didn’t say anything. He spent a lot of time giving Jay blowjobs, trying to make him feel good, trying to give the other teen power over him. Chad did everything he could to be nice and compliant and Jay’s perfect lay, and the other teen _still_ seemed gripped with anger.

“How long are you going to be doing this?” Jay snapped one day when Chad was stripping off his clothes – something he’d gotten down to efficient movements because he didn’t want Jay to have to bother with removing them for Chad. “How long are you going to cater to me?”

“I…” Chad wavered for a moment, feeling monumentally stupid standing there in his briefs. “I don’t know. I just- this is the only thing I can do to make it better.”

“How is _this_ better?” Jay snapped. “Go back to being mean and sarcastic and witty. Don’t- don’t treat me like _glass_.”

“I’m not- you were _assaulted_ because of me,” Chad pressed, the dam of his patience finally breaking. “Don’t you get that? If I hadn’t- all the jokes and the- the enchantment- If I’d just-”

“ _Chad_.” Jay’s expression was unreadable. “Are… are you punishing yourself for that?”

“ _Obviously_ ,” Chad hissed, his chest feeling tight again. “I shouldn’t have- _you_ shouldn’t have been hurt like that. I don’t like you but I don’t- I don’t wish _that_ on you. That wasn’t- I actually did want you to get a physical because you’ve been tripping over so many damn _rocks_ it’s a wonder you haven’t broken anything yet, but of course we find the one fag doctor Waverly has to offer.”

Jay just sort of stared at him in the tense silence that followed, Chad’s chest heaving because he couldn’t seem to get enough air. 

“…you were worried about me,” he surmised finally.

“You’re my sex partner,” Chad sniffed, folding his arms across his chest. “Of course I was worried. And maybe like, a tiny part of me was worried about Jay the human, but that’s only on Mal’s behalf.”

Jay let out a low chuckle. “And you think you aren’t friends.”

“We’re _not_.” Chad was offended if Jay thought otherwise, because there was no way Mal would stoop to befriending _Chad_. He was at best a means to an end.

“Alright,” Jay said, swaggering towards Chad while he pulled his shirt off. “You want to make this up to me? We’re going to do one thing. _One thing_ , and then it’s done, and you can go back to treating me the same as always.”

If that was what Jay wanted then Chad would give it to him, even if it seemed like a bit of an unfair trade.

“Okay,” Chad nodded, following Jay’s beckoning motion until they could both settle onto the bed. “What did you have in mind?”

“You’re gonna call Ben,” Jay declared, pressing Chad’s phone into his hands. “And you’re going to tell him that you blame yourself for what happened-”

“ _Jay_ ,” Chad groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “I can’t bother Ben with this shit.”

“Well, you’re going to,” Jay said as he nudged Chad back onto the bed, the Agraben splaying out beside him. “And you’re going to have a nice talk, and then this will be done.”

“… _fine_ ,” Chad huffed, selecting Ben’s contact angrily. He couldn’t remember the king’s schedule at this exact moment, but he was pretty sure the guy was free. _Ugh_ , he should have timed this better. 

Ben picked up after the second ring. “ _…Chad?_ ”

“Hey, um- Ben,” Chad greeted, feeling as awkward as he sounded. “I um… I wanted to talk to you about that thing that happened in Westerly.”

The conversation in itself was anxiety inducing enough as it was, and it didn’t really help when Jay started petting down Chad’s stomach, his fingers hooking into the waistband of Chad’s underwear until he could urge them down in torturously slow movements.

Oh. Oh, _fuck no_ , Chad could not afford to get wet now.

“ _…strange as this sounds_ ,” Ben began after a brief pause. “ _I’d like that too. Could you- do you want to talk about whatever you wouldn’t say-_ ”

“Not that,” Chad gasped as Jay’s hand settled between his legs. “I um- I’ve just been reading some um- _self-help_ articles.” Yes, that was a believable cover. “And I- I just- What happened was my fault, I think, and I… I needed to talk about it to someone.”

“ _Chad_ ,” Ben sounded just as wrecked as he was the day it happened. “ _No, Chad. That wasn’t- it wasn’t your fault any more than it was mine or Jay’s. It was exactly one person’s fault, and that’s the doctor_.”

“But-”

“ _No, Chad_ ,” Ben said, his voice so very firm and sure and that really did not help Chad’s libido when Jay was grinding a palm against him _just_ so. “ _…have you been thinking this the whole time? Ever since we left?_ ”

“I was thinking it because it’s _true_ ,” Chad snapped, and that might have been all Jay was waiting for to tuck a hand behind Chad, nudging between his cheeks to find that slick and twitching entrance. “I- I should have checked out the doctor-”

“ _That’s not your job_ ,” Ben said, as though Chad did not exercise the _most_ sense on this ship of theirs. “ _You’re not responsible for everyone’s wellbeing, Chad_.” The prince opened his mouth to protest, and then Ben continued with, “ _Not even Jay’s_.”

Chad didn’t know if was the hands on him or Ben’s tone that made him think the king was… inferring something he shouldn’t, something that made Chad’s throat feel tight and pinched and his blood run cold.

“…what are you implying, Ben?” Chad asked, just barely managing to force his voice above a whisper.

There was a tense pause. “ _I mean… if you like Jay-_ ”

“I _don’t_ ,” Chad snarled, tempted to throw the phone across the room and be done with it. Ben couldn’t start thinking such stupid shit like that, not when Jay didn’t even like Chad. “We are _coworkers_. Of course I give a shit as to whether he can function or not.” 

“ _But it’s more than that, though_ ,” Ben said. “ _It’s the same reason you don’t like to call me_.”

The fucking _nerve_.

But mostly, there was anger, anger that Ben could think such a thing and anger that in this exact moment he was _right_ and Chad didn’t have a single choice in it.

“I don’t call you because despite how little you think of me, I _can_ manage to carry out your damn peacekeeping mission,” Chad spat. “You might think I’m a dipshit, but I can handle that much, _Ben_ , and I don’t need your condescension or false praise to do it!”

For whatever reason, Ben seemed surprised Chad had noticed this. Likely because he thought Chad was an idiot. “ _That’s not- Chad, I don’t think that._ ”

“Fuck off, Ben,” Chad snapped. “And if you spread any rumors about me, I’ll tell everyone how shitty you are at picking doctors!”

With that, Chad ended the call, chucking the phone across the room until it landed on the couch with a few light bounces.

From beside him, Jay sighed. “That did not go the way I thought it might.”

“He essentially called me a _fag_ ,” Chad spat. “How else was I supposed to respond?”

“I dunno,” Jay hummed. “Maybe not super defensively?”

Whatever. Just _whatever_.

Chad stood up from the bed, tugging his underwear back on in rough motions.

“Hey- wait,” Jay said, sitting up. “Where are you going?”

“It’s done, right? Things are back to normal? We can leave that shit behind us?” At Jay’s slow nod, Chad grabbed the first pair of pants he saw. “Great, then I don’t want to sex you right now.” Not after Chad had to go through _that_. “Go find Gil and convince him to play with you, I’m gonna take a ride on Harry.”

“This doesn’t seem _normal_ ,” Jay pressed, but Chad was done for the day.

“It is _now_ ,” Chad snapped, and then he was gone, the magic-entranced abomination that he was. 

He’d have to start blocking Ben’s calls, or something. Or make Gil take them for him.

Yeah, that actually sounded like the better idea. Chad had those, sometimes.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Ye alright?” Harry asked halfway to climax, his eyes half-lidded with lust and _still_ somehow managing to ask after Chad’s emotional state because the blond was so damn _angry_.

“I’m _fine_ ,” Chad hissed, working himself up and down Harry’s length and doing his best to swallow down angry tears. “I’m great, even. The best. The best I will ever be.”

He tried to squeeze around Harry ruthlessly, and it distracted him for a moment, making the pirate moan as Chad sat himself entirely on that flushed member, but then he was back to staring at Chad.

“Did- did Jay do something?” Harry gasped. “S-Say something? I swear, if that dumb shit hurt your feelings-” 

“My feelings are _great_ ,” Chad snapped, and it wasn’t even a good lie but it was the only one he had, because people so rarely gave a shit about the emotional state of _Chad Charming_. Harry likely only cared because Chad was willing to sex him on a regular and enthusiastic basis. “Look, if you want this to happen, you’re gonna need to shut up.”

There was a pause where Chad thought he’d received his lovely, blessed diversion, and then he found himself getting rolled onto the bed, Harry’s dick strangely _out of him_ , while the first mate sort of cuddled Chad close.

What was _happening_?

Chad’s expression must have been horribly confused, because Harry sighed. “I’m not letting ye use me as a distraction when you’re hurting.”

“I’m _not-_ ”

“Ye are,” Harry said, reaching forward to cup Chad’s cheek, wiping at the tiny trail of tears that leaked from the corner of his eye. “Ye’ve been this way since Westerly. Ye and Jay both. Now, what the hell happened?”

“Nothing I can talk about,” Chad sniffed, furious at himself for not controlling his emotions better and angrier still that he wanted to rush back into Jay’s cabin and throw himself at the other teen. “It doesn’t matter, Jay and I settled that anyway. That’s not what I’m… _not_ upset about.”

“Then what is it?” Harry asked, like he genuinely cared. 

Chad was beginning to get the sinking feeling that he _might_ , because instead of just taking the free sex, he’d decided to cuddle Chad, and Chad couldn’t tell if that was just poor decision making on his part or if he was catering to a political elite who could very well make Harry’s life miserable if he so chose to. 

“…It’s _Ben_ ,” Chad admitted, because why not at this point. “He’s just… fucking stupid.”

Harry scoffed. “That why you ignore his calls all the time?”

“I ignore his calls because I’m not an _idiot_.” Or, he was, just the type of idiot that let himself get sex magic-ed as opposed to the idiot that accidentally sabotaged the Isle support drive. “I don’t need a babysitter, and I’m not… _broken_ like he seems to think I am.”

Harry tensed. “He said that?” the captain snarled, the arm curled around Chad’s waist urging him closer.

“He _implied_ it,” Chad sniffed. “That’s what royal people do. They can’t come out and say it so they just imply it heavily and if you’re too stupid to get the implications they just laugh about it later.”

There was a moment where Harry just stared at him. “…is that what ye’ve been dealing with at all these different ports?”

“Sometimes,” Chad said with a shrug. “Most of the time I’m preaching to the choir, but there are a few kingdoms that _really_ don’t want to help you guys, so they just spend a few hours thinking of more and more creative ways to tell me I’m an idiot.”

“Ye shouldn’t have to do that.”

“That’s life as a royal.” Chad had long since resigned himself to it. Not everyone was going to agree with you. “I knew that when I signed up for this.”

“That doesn’t make it _right_ ,” Harry snarled, and it was kind of cute, how worked up he was getting over this.

“They aren’t worth our attention, Harry,” Chad informed him sagely. “They are dumb, stupid people who are stuck in their ways, and eventually they’ll realize that the rest of the world has passed them by so they’ll struggle to catch up and pretend they’ve been there the whole time. The goal is to win a majority, not everyone.”

They would have never been able to get _everyone_. 

“Still,” Harry growled. “That’s no reason for Ben to say you’re broken.”

“Implied.”

“ _Whatever_ ,” Harry snapped, nuzzling Chad’s hair. “The fact is, he made you feel bad, so we should do something about it.”

Who was this mysterious ‘we’ he was speaking of? It was Chad’s dumb problem.

“Harry, he’s the king. The king of _all_ kings. If he wants to call me a dipshit, he’s more than earned it. And he’s also probably right.”

That, of all things, seemed to make Harry angrier than anything else. “No, he _isn’t_.”

With that, he abandoned Chad, not that he went far, exactly, stretching to the other side of the bed to grab his phone off the nightstand. 

It made an uneasy feeling settle in Chad’s stomach. “…what are you doing?”

“Calling _Mal_ ,” Harry huffed. “If anyone can talk sense into old Benny Boy-”

“Do not _call_ Mal,” Chad hissed, scrambling to fight Harry for the phone. 

Harry, unlike Jay, saw Chad coming, and managed to activate the phone into speaker mode just as Mal picked up.

“ _Do you know why I have a distressed Ben fluttering around my office?_ ” was how Mal chose to greet Harry, her tone dry and unreadable. “ _Because apparently Chad deigned to **finally** call Ben on his own, and now my fiancé’s a mess_.”

“Your _fiancé_ deserved it,” Harry snapped, pinning Chad to the bed and holding the phone just out of his reach. “He said-” At Chad’s warning look, Harry amended- “He _implied_ Chad was broken.”

“ ** _What?_** ” That was a very loud reaction on her part, and Chad could sort of picture her storming around her office, sending paperwork flying. There was the sound of a door being thrown open, and then- “ _Uma, have you figured out what the hell they talked about? Because I’m beginning to think they had two completely different conversations_.”

Uma was too far away from the phone to reply, but a few beats later Ben’s voice croaked- “ _Is that Chad?_ ”

“ _It’s Harry_ ,” Mal said. “ _And he’s pissed, so Chad must not have gotten the friendship speech you had planned out for him_.”

“Sweet fucking shit,” Chad hissed under his breath. 

Now he was struggling to get away from Harry just so he wouldn’t have to hear _this_ damn conversation. He and Ben weren’t _friends_. Chad didn’t _have_ friends. He had allies and acquaintances and coworkers and peers. The _end_. He didn’t need a dumb _friendship talk_ or whatever and the fact that Ben thought otherwise proved how woefully misguided he was. 

“ _I don’t know what I said wrong_ ,” Ben sniffed, and Chad just- just wanted to reach through the phone and punch the fucker in the face because he knew _exactly_ what he’d done and now he was pretending to be the victim just to make Chad look like an asshole, as though Chad needed the help.

“Well obviously, it was _something_ ,” Harry growled. “Now use that damn brain of yours-”

“Please stop cursing at the king,” Chad whispered, his chest feeling tight. “That guy can literally ruin you.”

“I don’t give a _shit_ what he can do,” Harry hissed, holding the phone away from him. “If he upset ye-”

“He’s _allowed_ to upset me, Harry, the man can do whatever the fuck he wants. He’s a _king_. It’s why he got away with sending four wildly unqualified individuals on this kingdom-wide expedition in the first place. Ben can do just about no wrong, and _shit_ , if he _really_ wanted to mess with me, he’d just like- have me arrested for something. But instead he said- he _implied_ I was broken, which was probably the nicest thing he could do, all things considered. So just like… drop it.” 

Harry stared at him blankly, like he was an unfathomable thing, which was why it was so jarringly noticeable when Ben’s voice echoed through his phone. “ _I wouldn’t… You’re not **unqualified** and I would never do that to you, Chad-_”

It was fortunate that Harry had been startled enough that Chad could break his hold, snatching the phone from him with a scowl. “Go to hell, _Benjamin_ ,” he hissed, ending the call and then sliding off of the bed in one smooth motion. He tossed the phone back and snatched up his clothes, because apparently Chad was so damn stupid his backup sex option needed a backup sex option. 

_Ugh_.

“Chad-” Harry tried to speak up from behind him, but Chad was too busy doing what he did best.

He left.

There was an art to these things, and Chad had mastered it a long time ago. He had found over time that it was important to leave when the wind began to change. Because if you were leaving, at least you weren’t the one being _left_ , which was just about the worst feeling in the world.

It was something Chad knew from experience.

-:-:-:-:-:-

When Chad returned to Jay’s quarters, the guy was, surprisingly enough, still there, half-heartedly masturbating while he gazed off into the distance, lost in thought.

He perked up when he saw Chad, though that was mostly overwhelmed with confusion.

“Hey,” Chad said, trying to pretend he was not, in fact, returning with his tail between his legs. “It turns out I actually wanted to sex you after all.”

“Can we call it something else?” Jay asked. “Like, I dunno- not fucking, obviously, but-”

“If you say ‘making love’, I will throat-punch you,” Chad warned, wrapping his fingers around Jay’s length and giving it a few pumps, reveling in the groan it earned him and the satisfied hum that indicated appeased compulsions of his enchantment. “In fact, let’s not talk at all.”

“You know,” Jay groaned, eyes half-lidded as Chad eased himself onto his dick. “Like usual.”

“Yeah,” Chad scoffed. “Like usual.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys for the feedback!! I was nervous about last chapter because of the sensitive topics it contained, so your support and analysis is greatly appreciated, and definitely not something I take for granted :)
> 
> Next chapter will also focus on more angsty topics, but I promise things will lighten up for the final chapter. We will get the happy, fluffy endings we deserve! There just needs to be a little more angst until then ^_^
> 
> Story notes: 
> 
> Westerly is my name for King Eric and Queen Ariel’s kingdom, because I couldn’t find an official name and I’m pretty sure that was on one of the fanmaps of Auradon I found. The name of this chapter has the briefest of references to the song ‘Fathoms Below’, from the Little Mermaid movie/musical. 
> 
> After such a traumatic event, it occurred to me that maybe Chad would have lifted Jay’s curse. In this instance, let’s assume he left Fairy Godmother’s wand in Sardinia, thinking he wouldn’t need it. 
> 
> WARNING – The sexual assault is entirely off screen, so to speak, and takes place in the second scene. Ben takes Jay to get a physical and the doctor pushes for an unnecessary prostate exam and a semen sample – both of which Jay describes after the fact but in no amount of detail. If you would like to skip his recap, look for: 
> 
> “Come on,” Chad huffed when he got close enough. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”
> 
> You can jump back in a few lines later at:
> 
> “My dear,” Chad began slowly, feeling a distinct fury grip his chest. “The only thing that dude’s going to get is torn apart.” 
> 
> Chad then spends the rest of the scene confronting the doctor for his actions, so if you would prefer to skip that, you can move down to the next scene, where Ben reacts to what just happened. 
> 
> Until next time


	7. Wedding Bells Are Ringing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING – Homophobic slur in the second scene and again in scene three. The mildest and vaguest reference to suicidal thoughts in scene three – see endnotes for more details.

Here was how it all went wrong:

Things didn’t return to usual, because Chad, in his brilliance, sort of forgot what that was. Forgot the easiness of casual sex between people he didn’t entirely hate, and he knew that was on him. 

In the back of his mind, the only things he could think of were Ben’s accusations – Ben, who Chad hadn’t talked to in weeks – about how it wasn’t Chad’s place to- to _care_ as much as he obviously did, and part of Chad wanted to blame that on the magic, but the other part of him was beginning to wonder if this damn curse was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Because now he had people who at least _pretended_ to be his friend, and he hadn’t spent Yule alone, and people seemed to care when he was annoyed at them – but was that because he was a prince or because he was taking care of people _they_ cared about? 

The fact was, Chad didn’t know, so he felt uneasy, which made intimacy – magically instigated or not – difficult.

And Jay, poor Jay, he’d just been trying to regain a sense of normality. It wasn’t _his_ fault that he’d gotten desperate. Chad had been drifting away, pushing the limits of what the enchantment would allow, and Jay had been struggling, floundering, until they were walking the streets of the Southern Isles and Jay couldn’t take it anymore. 

He grabbed Chad’s hand and pulled him into some alleyway. He kissed him, a thing Chad eagerly reciprocated because he’d missed Jay as little as he thought he deserved him, and then some fuck had caught it on camera and then there was an actual _mob_ and then he and Jay were running for their damn lives because people kept throwing shit at them, kept _screaming_ shit at them, and Chad was so fucking scared he didn’t know what to do.

“Just- come on!” Jay said, dragging Chad around a random corner. 

He wrapped Chad in his arms, and _how_ would this help? It wouldn’t, but at least if Chad had to die, he could do it with the distant understanding that someone had magically loved him or whatever, so that was neat. 

“Come on,” Jay whispered, and Chad finally realized he was talking to himself. “ _Come on_.”

The yells were upon them, but so was a flash of light – so red and brilliant it stung their eyes as it wrapped around them, filled their bodies with a super pointed heat and then-

Nothing.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Chad’s ears were still ringing by the time Jay’s magic disappeared from around them, his body wracked with aches and pains from the objects thrown at them – rocks and fruit and wads of trash and mud that left them bruised and dirty, the two of them clinging to each other with a desperate kind of necessity.

Jay swayed on his feet, likely have expended a lot of energy teleporting them to safety, and Chad struggled to keep him upright, too overwhelmed by what had just happened to be properly useful. Somehow, he managed to guide the ex-thief to a nearby bench, and Chad should maybe ask where they were but he was mostly worried about how it had gone so wrong so quickly and that had been a live newscast- that information was live and _everywhere_ and Chad was _ruined_.

It was likely shock that kept his tears at bay, but with that knowledge it was impossible for him not to cry, tears stinging against the cut on his lip, trailing through mud and rotten fruit juice that had created a sticky sheen against his skin. He was sobbing by the time Jay had regained his bearings, the son of Jafar cursing before he pulled Chad against him, into his chest.

“It- it’s _over_ ,” Chad moaned, wrapping himself around Jay because what else did he have to lose? “F-Fucking- they’re gonna disown me and they- you won’t go pro and all those- everyone we talked to will- _fuck_ , we likely undid all of Ben and the other’s work because _we_ … _we’re_ …”

He trailed off when another sob shook his body, feeling truly lost. He didn’t know what else to do, though in truth he realized there was nothing to be done. His grandfather had been looking for a reason to get rid of him for years. There was no way he would pass up this opportunity, and it wasn’t like he would let Chad keep any of the investments he’d been building with his own money over the years because those were supposed to be for _Sardinia_ , and he’d probably take all of Chad’s savings because if he didn’t end up as destitute as his mother had been then there just wasn’t any poetic justice, was there? 

“Hey,” Jay’s voice was soft as he ran a hand through Chad’s curls, trying to maintain soothing circles when he seemed so shaky himself. “It’ll… it’ll be fine,” he lied. “Whatever happens… we’re in this together, okay? You and me. And I know- I realize that’s not the greatest company but I- I’m with you, okay?”

“ _Sorry_ ,” Chad sobbed, because he couldn’t help but feel this was all his fault, it _was_ his fault, because if he’d fended off drunk Jay all those months ago, if he hadn’t given off obvious signs that this kind of attraction was something he was looking for like he probably _had_ been, Jay wouldn’t have latched onto him in the first place. But he had, because Chad _sucked_. “I’m sorry, Jay. I’m _sorry_.”

“ _Shit_ ,” Jay hissed, dragging him closer. “Don’t apologize, please, it’s not your fault.”

Further conversation was interrupted by a throat being cleared close to them, and when Chad looked up, it was to see Evie standing on the back porch of her cozy little castle, Doug a half step behind her, because Jay had probably taken them to the first place he thought might be safe, and that was here.

Chad froze, because he didn’t have a good track record with Evie, she might not want to help him and even though she was good friends with Jay, he was a _fag_ so she probably wouldn’t want to help him either-

“Let’s get you guys inside,” Evie said, beckoning them forward with a careful sweep of her hand.

Jay didn’t need to be told twice, dragging Chad to his feet as he bundled the blond towards the back door, following Evie into the sanctity of her house.

He stopped once he passed the threshold, Chad _feeling_ the awkwardness resonating from his body. “Evie…”

“It’s okay,” she assured them quietly, though Doug still hadn’t said anything. “You’re safe here, alright? You’ll always be safe here.”

Chad sobbed again, unable to help it, and shoved a hand against his mouth, wishing he wasn’t such a dumb mess. 

It helped when Jay held him close, even though Chad knew how bruised he was, knew that Chad’s clinging was likely exacerbating his wounds.

“Why don’t you guys go get cleaned up in one of the guest rooms?” she offered. “I’ve still got some of your clothes, Jay.”

“Thanks, Evie,” Jay whispered, following the order for lack of anything better to do.

Chad hoped she wasn’t drawing them upstairs so she could call the others and let them know where he and Jay were. He hoped she wasn’t calling the guard to have them taken away, get _them_ to evict Chad and Jay from her castle. Let them get nice and vulnerable in the shower and-

“You’re shaking,” Jay said when he pulled them into what must have been his old room. “Chad-”

“They’re gonna kill us,” Chad whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. “They _tried_ to kill us.”

“But they didn’t,” Jay said, firm, and that was the last they spoke before getting into the shower. 

This time, there was no intimacy. Both of them were too on edge for such things. They cleaned off the mess as best as they could and then Chad treated Jay’s wounds with shaking fingers, Jay moving to reciprocate with a hard expression before they redressed in Jay’s old Tourney sweats. By the time they made it out of the bathroom, Chad was ready to turn in for the night, but he knew it was better to follow Jay back downstairs to get a handle on Evie and Doug. Evie supposedly supported them, but Doug had been silent. Maybe in the time he and Jay had been missing, Doug had managed to talk Evie to her senses.

Thoughts of Doug’s loyalties flew out the window when Chad and Jay reentered the living room, because standing there was Mal, watching a muted television with a worried expression, Carlos huddled on the couch with two laptops in front of him. Both of them looked up at Chad and Jay’s entrance and both of them seemed to relax, though Mal’s expression shifted into something distinctly unhappy when she caught sight of Jay’s bruises.

“Uma got Harry and Gil off the ship,” Evie said, breaking the silence. “They had to leave the boat behind, but Ben will charge the vandals appropriately.”

_Fuck_. Chad had forgotten about the other two. He hadn’t even spared them a thought because he’d been so busy trying to keep himself and Jay alive in a city that seemed determined to kill them. 

“…Ben’s having a press conference to address the situation,” Mal said, her voice uncharacteristically quiet. “Sardinia has turned in a formal proposal to remove Chad as heir.”

This time, Chad had no tears, because he was resigned to it. Instead he stared blankly at the footage of his and Jay’s retreat, intermixed with what must be Ben’s live conference.

“Ben dismissed it, of course,” Mal continued. “On insufficient grounds. Sardinia’s already trying to appeal the decision while submitting new proposals citing different conditions, since Ben’s not accepting ‘likes dudes’ as a reason to not make you king.”

That was kind of Ben, though a battle he would ultimately lose. If Chad’s grandfather couldn’t get him for that, he’d just choose something else. It was always something.

“ _Well?_ ” Mal pressed, crossing her arms. “Are you guys going to say anything?”

“Like what, Mal?” Jay asked, sounding so very tired.

“Like, I dunno,” she hummed. “-maybe you could explain what the hell you were _thinking_ not telling us about this thing with Chad!” she exploded, making Carlos flinch from his position on the couch. “We’re supposed to tell each other _everything._ ”

“Like how you told us you were feeling overwhelmed with being Ben’s girlfriend?” Jay snapped back, pushing himself in front of Chad ever so slightly.

“That’s different and you know it,” Mal hissed. “We were teenagers then. We’re _adults_ , now, and things like ‘hey, I actually _have_ been having romantic feelings towards that one _dude_ ’ are worth mentioning, instead of just like- having a fake panic attack so you can get your boyfriend on a free trip around Auradon with you!”

“That’s not what this was,” Chad said, his voice feeling desperately quiet, like he could barely get it to escape his throat.

“Oh, it _wasn’t_?” Mal hummed. “It _wasn’t_ a sex trip? You didn’t have a thing _this entire time_ , and instead of telling us, you just act like fucking assholes when someone – when _we_ – imply that you _might_ care for each other? Well great- good for you guys. Thanks for being super defensive shitheads so that we – _the people who care about you_ – couldn’t help plan for this kind of eventuality instead of getting blindsided by it at _two in the morning_!”

Her voice rang through the castle in a furious snarl, one that resonated through Chad with a brutal sort effectiveness that left him breathless.

“Do you- do you honestly think that would have _mattered_?” Chad found himself asking, _staggered_ by her assumption. “Do you think there is any reality where _this-_ ” He motioned to his and Jay’s injuries. “ _Would_ not have happened? It doesn’t matter how prepared you are, _Mal_ , people are always going to hate us, and there’s nothing you can do that can _ever_ take that hate away so-”

He didn’t know he was shaking until Jay wrapped himself around Chad’s back, clutching onto Chad’s hands and dragging them close to his chest while Chad sagged into the contact. He knew tears were building behind his eyes again, frustrated, useless things, but he couldn’t help it. 

“It’s okay,” Jay kept whispering. “I told you, no matter what. I’m with you, okay? I’m with you.”

“I’m sorry,” Chad gasped, swaying in his hold. “I’m sorry, Jay. _I’m sorry_.”

Jay buried his face in the crook of Chad’s neck. “Please stop apologizing.”

“S’my fault,” Chad whispered. “If I hadn’t- you would be _fine_.”

“Not without you,” Jay hummed, but that was a lie. Jay had only been able to approach Chad while he was drunk, but if he hadn’t panicked, if he’d been _better_ , none of this would have happened. Jay would have continued not to talk to him and Chad wouldn’t destroy everything he touched – people included.

But that was just the way of things, wasn’t it?

That’s just how it went.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Following Chad’s breakdown, Jay dragged them back up to their claimed room, bundling Chad under the covers and wrapping himself around the prince, like if he tried hard enough he could protect Chad from the rest of the world. 

Chad accepted the comfort because he knew in the end this was all he was going to get. There was no pretty princess in his future, there was no kingdom or progressive policies or college – there was only Jay. And honestly, in the beginning that may have made Chad despair further, but over time he’d come to appreciate what Jay had to offer on a fundamental level, his strength and ability to adapt, his sense of humor and cleverness. Before everything had gone to shit, Chad was willing to hazard that they _might_ even be friends, and maybe they were, but now they were definitely allies. If everyone else failed, they had each other, and only each other.

It was that fact that Chad fell asleep to, passed out in exhaustion while darkness clawed at his throat.

He opened his eyes what felt like seconds later and the sun was bright and shining through the window. Chad knew he should get up, but he didn’t want to. There didn’t seem to be a point. 

So he didn’t. He felt Jay leave. Felt the movement of the castle around them. Heard news copters fly overhead and doors slam and words murmured. Cars pulled up and people were welcomed and turned away and Chad stayed in bed, waiting for the next move to come to him. It didn’t.

It was over. 

Chad didn’t know how many hours had passed before Jay came back into the room, his partner in cultural crime letting out a soft sigh at the pitiful state of Chad.

“Hey.” The bed dipped behind Chad, Jay sliding close enough to spoon the blond on top of the covers, letting his forehead rest against the back of Chad’s head. “You need to eat.”

“…probably,” Chad agreed. The words held wisdom, regardless of how little Chad’s appetite could aid him in that regard.

“ _Chad_.” Jay squeezed him closer, sounding pained. “We need… _I_ need the planning guy, right now. I need the Chad who got drunkenly enchanted to compartmentalize and help deal with the situation, because a lot of shit is going down and we can’t sleep through all of it.”

Who said anything about sleeping?

Eventually, Chad wouldn’t have to worry about that either, if Jay would just leave him alone.

“So,” Jay continued. “If this was happening to someone else, what would you tell them to do?”

Chad thought this over. It was easier to tackle issues from the outside.

“I’d… I’d suggest a low media presence, normally,” Chad whispered, his throat rough from disuse. “There’s no point in stirring the waters. The faster we lay low, the faster this all blows over.”

“But it won’t,” Jay said. “Because um… we started a thing.”

Chad perked up, mostly because the enchantment was telling him that Jay was doing that thing where he was all bashful and Chad wanted to see that, and then maybe kiss him, even though this _wasn’t the time_. “What thing?”

This close, it was even more endearing to watch Jay surrender to his timidity. “A um… homosexuality thing.”

For the first time since the conversation had started, Chad turned to face Jay head on, until they were tauntingly close with just a dumb blanket between them, though now was not the time to dwell on that because- “That’s not a thing.”

“Fairy Godmother begs to differ,” Jay said, a flush spreading across the bridge of his nose. “So does Genie. Apparently it was a thing in olden times, but then some fuddy-duddy conservative kingdoms came in and just sort of… wiped out all recorded history of it while preaching of its _evil_ , but it was totally a thing and is like… _valid_.”

Chad scoffed at the last part, couldn’t help it. “The fuck it is.”

Jay puffed up the same way he did anytime Chad tried to call him on his shit. “That’s what Fairy Godmother’s telling everyone,” he insisted. “Ben too. And… a whole lot of um- princes and princesses are coming forward to talk about it, to say that _they’re_ , you know…” 

It took a few seconds for his words to sink in.

“Holy _shit_ ,” Chad hissed, reaching forward to curl his fingers into the fabric of Jay’s hoody. “Are you telling me we accidentally started a sexual revolution?”

“Apparently?” Jay seemed just as confused by this as Chad was. “It’s like they saw us coming forward – accidentally – and all started to speak their minds? Criticizing the current cultural climate that allowed ‘unnecessary hate to brood’ or whatever. _Chad_.” His hands curled around Chad’s fingers. “Ben legalized gay marriage. Like – we almost got killed yesterday for kissing and now it’s legal for two dudes to get _married_. I’m pretty sure he snuck polygamous weddings in there too.”

“Makes sense,” Chad huffed, focusing on the last part. “Because of Uma, but-” _Gay marriage?_ It was insane. It was _crazy_. How had Ben not been voted for removal yet? “And the council’s okay with this?”

“Dude,” Jay hissed. “The council backed him with a _majority_ vote. They overturned all kingdom laws that supported homophobia, even for the kingdoms that _didn’t_ vote for the new laws.”

“What the hell?” Chad whispered, running a hand through his curls. “He must have had this plan already in the works. There’s no way they would have been ready this quickly otherwise.”

“They _planned_ for this?” Jay asked, seeming even more incredulous than Chad felt. “They’ve been planning to support _faggots-_ ”

“Maybe don’t use that word anymore if we’re like, gay icons or whatever,” Chad said, still reeling from the influx of information. “ _What the hell_.”

“That’s um- not everything,” Jay said, seeming sympathetic. “Ben… he wants us to be the first couple to get gay-married.” The words sank like stones in Chad’s mind – as though he didn’t have enough to despair over, Ben wanted him to marry _Jay_ , who barely even liked Chad.

“He wants us to light the way, or something?” Jay continued, sounding stressed and confused. “I said I had to talk it over with you first, but he’s going to want an answer so um- _please_ do that planning thing again.”

“We’d… we’d have to consider what would happen if we said no,” Chad said, blinking numbly as he tried to sort out his muddled thoughts. “We’d look like cowards.”

“But we’re not even _dating_ ,” Jay whined, burying his face in the pillow, even as his hand pulled Chad closer. “We haven’t even spent a year together, and he wants us to- _you know_.”

“Not to mention, you’d be Lord Consort of Sardinia, assuming I’m not removed entirely,” Chad said, paling at the implication. Based on what he’d seen on their trip, he was pretty sure he could coax Jay through the worst of it, but it would… be a process. “ _Fuck_ , you might be marrying a pauper.”

“Assuming we’re um- doing it,” Jay said, a pretty flush dusting his cheekbones.

Chad sighed. “We pretty much don’t have an option, if what you’ve told me is true,” Chad admitted. “The public isn’t going to want to support two… _freaks_ that enjoy having sex with each other, they want an epic romance.” Jay shivered at the last word, but Chad ignored it, because if he didn’t, he might start crying again. “They can support _love_ , but lust is… debase. _Weak_. They can’t rally behind that.”

“Maybe you should get some more information,” Jay said, handing over his phone. And with that, Chad settled in, rolling onto his back and doing what he did best – data collection, looking at the responses of as many demographics and political affiliations as possible.

Pretty much everything Jay had said was correct. Things had started off with an intensely hateful backlash before immediately getting replaced with other… _homosexuals_ speaking up, some royals or scholars – Isle refugees and Auradon everymen. There were young and old, male and female, dwarf and magically-inclined and _all_ of them had a voice, all of them wanted to speak up to defend this thing that had for so long been preached as disgusting and a violation of basic decency. And at the forefront of it all was Chad and Jay – the brave, star-crossed lovers who had been working together to help the cause of the Isle, keeping to themselves in perfect politeness until _their_ privacy had been ruthlessly invaded.

There was already an interview of Harry snarling at some newscaster about how no, there hadn’t been anything fishy happening on _his_ ship, that Jay and Chad were two respectably helpful crewmembers who did their jobs, and if they did anything else behind the closed doors of their cabins then that was _their_ damn business and nobody else’s.

The comments on that interview ranged from cheerful calls of support to derogatory, though the hate comments were almost always buried under words of encouragement for someone ‘speaking up’ on Chad and Jay’s behalf. 

The thing people really seemed to want was a statement from Chad and Jay themselves, but with his position as heir in limbo and Jay’s college scholarships likely gone, Chad didn’t know what he could possibly offer people besides an apology, because they’d kicked something off they were in no position to actually defend.

“So?” Jay asked, one arm curled around Chad’s shoulders and the other tapping a random rhythm onto the comforter. “What do you think?”

“Um…” There was no way around it. “How do you feel about spending the rest of your life with me?”

Jay tensed. 

It was a horrible tension.

“Of course, we don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chad rushed to explain. “We could um- just date. We’ve known each other for a while but it’d be reasonable for them to assume we haven’t been dating very long and like- we’re not my _dad_.” Who married Chad’s mom like, a month after meeting her. “And Ben’s an understanding guy. He’d get if we’d need more time.”

“So we’d just date until we got married,” Jay surmised, tone and expression unreadable.

Chad sighed. “We would date long enough for some other ‘celebrity’ gay couple to get married – make that first big step for gay rights or whatever, and then we just… buy time until we fade from the public interest and quietly break up after the fact.”

“Cool,” Jay said with a tone that did not indicate that this was very cool at all. “And then we’ll never be able to get any girls to date us ever again.”

“Well _fuck_ , Jay, I don’t have all the answers,” Chad groused, letting his fingers curl into the material of their blankets. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if there’s like, a category where you get to like both males and females – if there isn’t, maybe we can pioneer _that_. It seems kind of stupid if it doesn’t exist.”

“Someone would have said something, wouldn’t they have?” Jay asked, staring at his phone. “But they haven’t, so if we try to, you know, _not_ date guys they’ll just think that we’re cowards anyway and-” He fell back with a sigh. “I guess I could marry you.”

“You _guess_?” Chad shouldn’t be offended but also he sort of was. “Excuse you?”

“Well,” Jay sputtered. “It’s a big commitment. I mean, we’d keep having sex, right?”

“How could you even _think_ about that right now?” Chad asked, but of _course_ that was where Jay’s mind was, that was what had kicked off this nonsense in the first place. 

“It’s a fair question!” Jay said, sitting up to follow Chad, who couldn’t just lay around when Jay was being so _stupid_. “It’s a natural part of life-”

“There is _nothing_ about this that is _natural_ ,” Chad hissed, struggling to keep his voice low as he motioned between them. “You damn piece of shit. With everything else getting cleared, Ben could lift the magic ban _tomorrow_ and all of our-” Chad made a vague gesture to represent their debased urges. “- _things_ could be gone entirely. Which means you probably won’t even want to have sex with me anyway.”

“Or it could be another ten years,” Jay countered. “Because Ben had to focus on this instead.” He shook his head, sliding off the bed when it seemed like he’d gotten too restless. “I don’t even know why I’m asking. _Obviously_ we’d keep having sex, there’s no way around it.”

“Sorry,” Chad said, feeling something bitter and mean build in his chest. “For the _inconvenience_.”

“Sweet evil,” Jay hissed, hanging his head. “Is _this_ what I’d get to look forward to if we got married? You falling apart and getting all _touchy_ any time something doesn’t go your way?”

Chad felt himself puff up, sliding off of the bed so he could properly face Jay on his own feet. “That’s not true. This is a pretty extreme situation-” 

“You’re _always_ like this,” Jay shot back, brows furrowed in frustration. “You were like this in school. You were like this when you were trying to be Audrey’s henchman. You were so determined to dedicate yourself to what you thought was _right_ when most of the time it wasn’t even the winning bet!”

“I’ll admit I’ve made some bad calls in the past,” Chad allowed, because he could be the bigger person. “But now-”

“You’re still an idiot!” Jay snapped. “I don’t know what the fuck I ever saw in you.”

“Well you sure as _shit_ didn’t talk about my personality,” Chad snapped, thinking about the list of things Jay had said that night at the graduation party.

“Good call on drunk me’s part, I guess,” Jay snarled. “ _He_ knew what you were good for.”

For a moment, Chad was flummoxed, absolutely _lost_ in the wake of those words, as though Jay hadn’t experienced their past almost-year together at all. Like all the jokes and the sly comments and small comforts and dastardly planning – they’d done that _together_ and now Jay was- was reducing him down to his looks – no, to his ability to sexually _satisfy_ , and that wasn’t even something Chad _had_ before Jay had cursed him.

“Hell,” Jay said, running a hand through his hair, looking away with a sort of open despondency. “No wonder Sardinia wants to replace you. They should. Considering how useful you are.”

Chad wanted to curse, wanted to rage and shout and verbally tear Jay apart, but the part of him that was so damn _bewitched_ by the other teen couldn’t stand the cruelty of his words, felt every comment like a stab to his heart until tears were pouring down his cheeks – weak, _stupid_ tears that he had to rush to wipe away because Jay would just make fun of him for _those_ too, or worse, he would try to comfort Chad like _his_ enchantment obligated him to, and it was stupid, this whole thing was _stupid_ – why Ben thought they were capable of doing anything right was beyond Chad.

“Hey, no,” Jay said, his expression immediately falling into something like guilt because Chad had spelled him. “Don’t do that. _Shit_ , I didn’t mean it- I was just being stupid-”

“Fuck you, Jay,” Chad whispered, his voice sounding so very small. “I wouldn’t marry you if my life depended on it, and it does, so _there’s_ your answer, you asshole.”

Jay’s expression crumbled, the other teen reaching out a hand towards him in an attempt to offer comfort. “Chad, _please_.”

“ _No_ ,” Chad hissed, curling back against the wall. “You don’t want to marry me anyway. So here’s what we’ll do. We’ll wait for this to blow over and then you can date whatever _guy_ your dumb fuck repressed mind wants and I’ll just wait for your dumb enchantment to make me withdraw from the world in a depressed stupor so my damn _existence_ won’t bother anyone else, okay?”

“No, Chad,” Jay pled, following Chad all the way across the room, kneeling as Chad slid to the floor. “No, that is not okay. That is not an okay plan. We’re not doing that.”

“W-When I get the w-wand back,” Chad whispered, the plan falling together. “I’ll f-fix you. It’ll be _fine_.”

“No,” Jay urged, cupping Chad’s cheeks so he could wipe his tears away, and Chad let him because he was just as dumb and broken as Jay. “No, I’ll talk to Mal. Get us a pass to the Enchanted Lake. We can _both_ get fixed.”

“Why the fuck does it matter?” Chad didn’t see the point to it. “You’re right, I’m a useless prince. Sardinia would be better off without me.”

“I lied,” Jay urged, both hands on Chad’s cheeks now. “I’m a liar, I was mad and dumb and I took that out on you – _please_ stop crying.”

But Chad couldn’t, because he was useless.

So he tucked his face into his knees instead, wrapping his arms around his legs while he tried to block out Jay’s careful reassurances, because they weren’t actually _real_. 

What a crock this all was. What useless, useless _shit_.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Chad didn’t know how much time had passed before he heard a knock on the door, though Jay had spent that entire time trying to pull him out of his sorrow, talking with low, gentle words that Chad refused to surrender to because it wasn’t really Jay. He didn’t really know _Jay_ ; he just knew the version of him that he’d cursed into existence in a fit of spite.

“ _Guys?_ ” Ben’s voice echoed through the door, tired but distinctly hopeful because Ben lived in a dream world where two hot chicks liked him and everyone thought he was wonderful. “ _Could I come in?_ ”

“Now’s um… not a good time, Ben,” Jay said, distractedly.

Chad didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to _get in the way_. 

“ _I uh- I know it probably isn’t_ ,” Ben said, sounding regretful. “ _I’m sorry. I know this must be very hard on you guys, but please know that we support you, one hundred percent. We’re all here for you_.”

Realistically, they were there for Jay and for the _concept_ they represented, and the thought made Chad sob, because if he’d never enchanted Jay there was a chance Chad would have never experienced what love was.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jay hissed, moving forward to rub Chad’s forearms. “Chad, baby – _please_ , look at me. He said both of us, he meant _both_ of us.”

“Of course he said _both of us_ ,” Chad gasped, scrubbing at his face angrily. “He’s the king. He can’t say ‘I’m here for you and the other guy, I guess’.”

“ _Guys?_ ” Ben sounded concerned, but when did he not? “ _Are you okay?_ ”

“ _Lie_ ,” Chad hissed, frowning down at his toes.

“Um… no?” Jay hazarded, a contrary fuck down to the last fiber of his being. “Kind of going through some stuff right now.” 

“ _Anything I can do to help?_ ” Ben asked, as though he hadn’t spent the last day battling Chad’s grandfather and _legalizing_ a form of marriage for them, which granted, was more of a symbolistic thing and at least if he defended Chad he had a strong idea of where the blond was in regards to Isle issues, so that was actually in his best interest-

“Unless you can go back in time and stop me from being an asshole, I highly doubt it,” Jay shot back. And he was- this _dumbass_ was friends with the king and he hadn’t even opened the door to talk to him – but that was Chad’s fault, not Jay’s, because of the enchantment. _Fuck_. 

“ _Maybe you can talk it out_ ,” Ben offered. “ _It helps to have a neutral party sit in on these things_.”

Chad sobbed again. He wasn’t sure what Jay’s enchantment found so particularly sorrowful about Ben offering his help to them except the fact that they needed it at all, or maybe it just hurt because enchanted Chad knew that Jay was better off with the king, better off without _him_.

“Nope, nope, nope,” Jay was chanting, shifting forward to pull Chad into a hug. “No on the offer, Ben. Thanks, though.”

“ _Should I send someone else?_ ” Ben asked. “ _Like Mal?_ ”

“Just _go away_ ,” Chad hissed, beginning to feel lightheaded. When was the last time he drank anything? It felt like forever ago. “Go away, Jay. Just _go_.”

“Yeah, I’m not doing that,” Jay said, hugging him tighter. “That’s a bad plan. We don’t do bad plans; we do good ones.”

“ _I can grab one of Chad’s friends_ ,” Ben offered, because he wouldn’t _leave_. “ _Who do you need, Chad?_ ”

“I don’t _have_ friends, Ben!” Chad snarled, past the point of being horrified because at this point, it was just salt in the wound. Why they even kept asking him this shit, Chad did not know.

“ _… **we’re** friends, Chad_,” Ben offered after a moment, seemingly stunned.

“Did you hear that hesitation?” Chad whispered to Jay. “It was because he had to think about it.”

“Fucking shit _damn_ ,” Jay hissed. “Fucking – I’m sorry, I did this. I made you think this. Hey, you’ve got Gil! Gil’s your friend!”

“No, he’s _your_ friend,” Chad sniffed. “Who I appropriated.” But couldn’t steal because Gil was _loyal_ and Chad was only _Chad_. “Why the fuck do you think I wanted to be with Audrey so bad? I knew she was the only one who _might_ want me.”

And then she hurt him, because Chad was easy to hurt. Chad, who threw himself into things so whole heartedly and mostly they were wrong – like dedicating to the rule book or believing VKs were bad or trying to support Audrey, and none of them would get his grandfather or dad to like him and none of them would make him a better prince and yet for _whatever reason_ , he still tried. He _tried_. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jay whispered, guiding Chad’s head against his chest so he could stroke Chad’s back. “I know you don’t believe that yet, but I _am_ sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry that all those other people thought it was okay to hurt you when it _wasn’t_. I’m sorry you didn’t get the love you deserved, okay? I’m sorry it’s not better. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“You’re gonna break yourself,” Chad gasped. “Trying to carry all those apologies.”

“It’d be a wound I deserve,” Jay said, hugging Chad close. “ _Fuck_ , Chad. I wanna marry you, okay? I wanna be Lord Consort of Sardinia even though I won’t be a good one – I’ll work to get better, though. I _want_ to stand by you on an altar, I _want_ to be yours, okay?”

He only said that because he didn’t have a choice, because this was their best option, but he seemed so sure of himself. 

And Chad- he was tired. Too broken and too hurt to try and fight anymore, so he gave in to his enchantment, sinking into Jay’s hold.

“…our colors will be blue and gold and red,” he said, because if they were going to have a revolutionary wedding it was going to be _their_ tacky revolutionary wedding. “We should get a snake to be the ring bearer, it would freak out my grandfather.”

“Yeah, your grandfather isn’t invited,” Jay said, his words the most wonderful music to Chad’s ears.

“Fair,” Chad laughed. “Your dad’s not invited either.”

“Definitely not,” Jay hummed. “What about groomsmen?”

“Doug and Carlos, obviously,” Chad sniffed, wiping at his cheeks. “And I guess Gil and Harry.”

“What about Ben?”

“He’d be the officiant,” Chad said. “As king, that’s his job.”

“Huh,” Jay marveled. “Guess that works out.”

“Mal, Evie, Jane and um… Uma, I guess, for the bridesmaids,” Chad decided. “ _There_ , that’s like, half the decisions made. What flavor cake do you want?” Jay opened his mouth to reply and Chad cut him off, “Trick question, we each get a cake. It will be whatever the hell we want.”

“In that case, I want a spice cake,” Jay hummed.

“I’m going chocolate,” Chad decided. They were both ‘grooms’ after all, and the grooms got the tasty, non-vanilla cake.

“ _You guys don’t have to rush into this,_ ” Ben’s voice carried through the door, reminding them both of the fact that the king of Auradon had been listening the entire time, and was just sort of awkwardly standing in the hallway. “ _I didn’t mean to pressure you guys_.”

“Pressure, what pressure?” Chad laughed, and it actually didn’t feel forced. “We love each other, what else do we need?”

“…not much,” Jay said after a brief hesitation, but it was fine. They were _fine_. 

They could have a landmark wedding and not totally freak out or anything. Things would be great. And Chad would never be alone for the rest of his life. It was everything he wanted.

So why did he feel so hollow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you guys all for the lovely support and feedback!! It is always greatly appreciated, and I’m glad for everyone who stuck around to explore this concept with me ^_^
> 
> Now, this is it, we’re almost at the end!!! On Sunday I’ll be posting the final chapter along with the first chapter of my next Chad-centric story, ‘You’re Gonna Feel Found’. I will give more details on that one next week, but for now, the time for fluffy happy endings is almost upon us!
> 
> Which I promise we will have, especially after these last few chapters of angst :)
> 
> Story notes: 
> 
> WARNING – Vague suicidal thoughts. Chad spends the third scene in a bit of a depressive slump, and while he doesn’t dwell or even particularly reference in any kind of depth suicidal thoughts, he does vaguely allude to them, and I didn’t want to catch anyone off guard. It’s only on line, and to skip, look for: 
> 
> Who said anything about sleeping?
> 
> And then you can jump in two lines later at: 
> 
> “So,” Jay continued. “If this was happening to someone else, what would you tell them to do?” 
> 
> Until next time


	8. Coming Clean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING – Homophobic language, Chad refers to himself as such in the second scene.

“What about _us_?” was how Harry decided to snarl his entrance into the office Evie had set aside for Chad and Jay to plan their dumb wedding. Well, Chad planned, Jay helped Evie downstairs, and they both pointedly pretended that it was a very happy prospect for them while Ben occasionally sort of fluttered near the edges of their work spaces with a worried expression.

Chad blinked up helplessly from his catalogue of flowers that Jane insisted he look through, even though _he did not care_ , and was blindsided by an immense wave of _relief_ at the sight of Harry in one piece and so delightfully worked up.

To the point where the only thing he was able to do was go, “ _Harry_ ” and hold out his arms like the greedy little child he was. 

Honestly, it would serve him right for Harry to ignore him (and it would make sense because Chad was a _tool_ ), but for whatever reason, the first mate seemed to drop his anger immediately and ducked in to pull Chad into a hug, who just sort of sobbed against his shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Chad sniffed, even though he’d seen Harry’s interview. Just- what if that had been an illusion cast by Mal? What if it had been _fake_? What if Chad in his stupid panic to not die had abandoned the other two dudes that had been inadvertently dragged into Jay and Chad’s _shit_ for no other reason than the fact that they were both assholes?

“Yeah, yeah – I’m fine, darlin’,” Harry drawled, petting a hand through Chad’s frazzled curls and holding him close. “…ye were worried?”

“Was I _not_ supposed to be?” Chad snapped, because apparently people just assumed the worst of him, which was _fine_ , he was the worst-

Harry let out a low string of curses, and then- “We were worried about ye too. Mal couldn’t say much, ‘cept ye were fine.”

“Yep,” Chad sniffed. “Super fine. Totally fine. We are _great_.”

“Ye don’t exactly look great, blondie,” Harry noted, his voice uncharacteristically neutral.

It went to show how tired Chad was that he didn’t even bristle at the comment. He could only sniff petulantly, pretending not to lean further into Harry’s embrace. “Excuse you, I look adorable always.” Before Harry could object, Chad continued, clearing his throat, “Now um- what did you want to talk about? You… wanted to know about ‘us’? Who’s ‘ _us_ ’?”

Harry tensed, but he also kept petting a hand down Chad’s back, so he was pretty okay in Chad’s book. “Gil and I,” he explained. “We heard ye and Jay were getting married.”

“Yep,” Chad sniffed, managing to unhook one arm from the vice-like hold he had on Harry so he could rub at his eyes. “That’s us. Ben wants us to get married so we’re doing that.”

There was a distinct pause, and then Harry was lowering his head so he could breathe his words directly into Chad’s ear. “Do ye want to marry Jay?”

Chad’s dumb spelled body let out a wet huff that could potentially pass as a sob. “He doesn’t want to marry me,” Chad admitted. “Or, he _does_ , he just doesn’t _really_ want to, so…” He flapped a hand at all the dumb catalogues. “You can see which one won out.”

“Chad,” Jane spoke up from where she had been hovering on the edge of their reunion, looking at the obnoxious prince with wide, worried eyes. “Jay wants to marry you.”

“Look, just trust me, he doesn’t,” Chad said, waving them off. Or, waving her off and preemptively waving Harry off. “He says he does, and if you ask him he’d be able to make a great speech about how much he loves me, but he _doesn’t_ really.”

“How do ye know?” Harry asked, and that was the crux of it, because Chad knew without a doubt he was right and he had no damn way to prove it without spilling their very horrible secret.

“I can’t tell you,” Chad sniffed. His nose was just- drippy. Now he couldn’t even be handsome, which was like the _one thing_ he had going for him.

Harry tensed beneath his hold. “Do ye not trust me?”

“I trust you, _asshole_ ,” Chad snapped, tapping his arm in annoyance. “But if I told you it’d have to stay a secret, and it _couldn’t_ be a secret because _you_ would have to tell Uma and _you-_ ” Chad motioned to Jane. “-would have to tell _Ben_ and then on top of me being miserable _everyone_ would be miserable because Jay and I suck very much. But mostly me. _I_ mostly suck-”

“Stop _saying that_ ,” Harry snarled, dragging Chad forward so he could nuzzle at his hair. “Ye don’t suck. You’re clever and witty and generous and _smart_ , and none of those things ‘suck’.”

Coming from Harry, it was a bit easier to believe, because Harry hadn’t been spelled into loving Chad in a fit of immature rage. It made Chad breathe a little easier, feel a little less greedy about sinking into Harry’s hold, because it was given willingly.

“You’d hate me,” he said. “Hate us. Be disappointed in us, and I think I’d just rather just be sad than have that happen.”

“Chad.” Jane’s voice was quiet when she closed in on him, wrapping a careful hand around his shoulder as she captured his attention. “It couldn’t be that bad.”

“Yes,” Chad said. “Yes, it could be.”

“Then tell us,” Harry pressed, dragging Chad forward.

This was, without question, a bad idea. A terrible idea. And Chad’s past year had been mostly terrible ideas, but he was also pretty sure that marrying Jay under these conditions was a similarly bad plan. 

“We promise we won’t tell,” Jane said, her eyes wide and eager. “We _promise_.”

“…okay,” Chad said eventually, likely imagining the relieved slump of Harry’s shoulders. “But you gotta remember that I was the one who escalated things, not Jay. His was an accident, my stuff was intentional, and-”

“Let me get us to a soundproof room and _then_ you can talk,” Jane said, giving Harry a nod before she led both of them away from the planning room, up into the attics of the castle. 

She made a show of locking the trapdoor behind her, and then activated some Dwarven silencing runes which _definitely_ still fell under the magic ban. Jane was violating the magic ban for them. 

Maybe… maybe she’d be less mad when she heard what Chad had to say.

“Okay,” she said when they settled into their far corner. “Talk.”

Chad talked.

-:-:-:-:-:-

When he finished recounting his tale, they both sort of sat there in silence, though to Harry’s credit, he did not immediately shove Chad out of his lap, which was awfully nice of him.

Jane blinked slowly, as though to process this. “Jay… spelled you to love him.”

“To _worship_ him, is what it sounds like,” Harry snarled as he tugged Chad closer, like he’d just needed someone else to speak before he realized how upset he was. “That little _shit_.”

“He was drunk,” Chad said. “He didn’t mean to do it.”

“That’s not what it sounds like,” Harry growled, but he trailed off when Jane gave him a reproving look, which was sort of wild.

“So… in order to _manage_ the spell,” Jane continued. “You used my mother’s wand to…”

“Copy it. Or, reflect it, I guess,” Chad said. “Basically do the same thing to him, but with me as the object of desire.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Jane said. “I mean, if you thought you didn’t have any options which you definitely _did-_ ”

“It had to be a secret, Jane,” Chad pressed, holding onto the hands wrapped around his waist so his dumb brain could soak up the contact before Harry remembered Chad was a piece of shit. “We didn’t know Ben was working on this equal rights shit. I didn’t want to get disinherited.” Like he probably would be. “And Jay didn’t want to lose his scholarships.”

“Probably should have thought of that before he _spelled_ ye,” Harry grumbled, his lips brushing against Chad’s shoulder.

“So we… we did this,” Chad continued. “And no one was supposed to know about it until some asshole with a camera caught us and now we’re like, history’s token gay couple and he doesn’t even _like_ me.”

Jane gave him a blank, incomprehensible stare, indicating that Chad had likely missed something big. “We’ll touch back on that later,” she decided. “But for now, the spell only made you um… desperate for Jay, right?”

“Right,” Chad said, wondering what he had missed.

Jane bit at her bottom lip the same way she did before approaching something she did not want to approach, but then she took the plunge and pushed forward anyway. “Then why did you keep having sex with Gil and Harry?”

“I um… don’t know,” Chad admitted, feeling especially dumb. He could feel the tension in Harry’s body, but Chad honestly had no explanation for them. “I don’t _know_. They’re good looking and I was horny and- I don’t know, maybe I actually am a fag.”

Oh fuck, that was- what if _that_ was what he had been missing?

Chad could feel himself trembling, a helpless sort of thing, his vision whiting out at the edges as his breath came faster. “That’s it, isn’t it?” he whispered. “That was probably why Jay approached me. That’s why I couldn’t get a girlfriend.” That, and the fact he was an asshole. “T-That’s why I- I thought I liked girls but I guess I don’t, I guess I’m just-”

“Fucking _hell_ ,” Harry cursed, dragging Chad closer until he was curled against his chest, Chad’s head tucked against his shoulder while helpless tears rolled down his face.

“I’m broken,” Chad gasped, letting his nails dig into his arms, raking them across his skin. “No wonder my grandfather hates me, he probably _knew_. He _should_ de-throne me, I’m broken.”

“What the fuck happened to all that stuff about ye saying this was natural?” Harry asked, rubbing a distracted hand on Chad’s back.

“I was lying,” Chad sobbed. “I lied to make myself feel better but it wasn’t true and fuck, I thought you were horny too.”

“Did...” Harry’s lips shifted against Chad’s curls. “Did ye hate us? Me and Gilly, since we- I mean _we_ weren’t spelled.”

“N-No.” Chad shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, I mean- you already had it rough. You d-deserve whatever makes you happy.”

“Then why don’t ye?” Harry asked, pulling him closer.

Chad’s only answer was to sob. 

“We’re canceling the wedding,” Jane said, her words soft but somehow managing to carry over the chaotic din in Chad’s mind.

“ _No_ ,” Chad gasped. “No, we gotta- I gotta trap Jay in a marriage he _doesn’t want_ f-for the good of Aura-d-don-”

“Sweetheart.” Jane shifted closer so she could stare Chad in his dumb, wet eyes. “You don’t have to make a stand for something you’re obviously not ready for.”

“But I’d be doing something _useful_ ,” Chad crooned. “Instead of being dumb and mean and u-useless and-” He reached up so he could tug at his curls the way his grandfather did when Chad was being especially dumb. “- _stupid_. S-Stupid.”

“ _Chad_ ,” Jane said, and then she was hugging him too, both of them holding him close while Chad just cried pathetically, because he could not get any lower. “Did… did your grandfather tell you that?”

“And Audrey,” Chad sniffed. “And- everyone. All the gossip sites. Such a nice boy to look at but so _little there_.”

“Fuckin’ don’t listen to that shit,” Harry snarled. “Do ye trust me?”

“O-Of course,” Chad said, and strangely enough, he found that to be true. What a life.

“Then trust that I _know_ you’re not dumb,” Harry said, turning Chad’s head so they could look each other in the eye. “You’re smart and clever and funny.”

“I’m _mean_ ,” Chad said, because that much could not be denied.

Harry cupped his cheek carefully, like Chad meant something to him. “You’re waiting to get hurt,” Harry amended. “Because that’s what you’re used to. So you’re sarcastic or bitter because you’re waiting for someone to lock ye in a closet or spell ye against your will or call ye mean names but that’s not _true_ , and it sure as shit isn’t going to happen again if I have anything to say about it.”

“But…” Chad swallowed, feeling so very shaky. “What… what about Uma?”

“Uma’s my captain,” Harry hummed. “Ye and Gilly are my loves, and I’ll be keeping ye to the end of time, if ye’ll have me.”

At this point in the story book, the simpering damsel would likely let out a soft laugh and throw her arms around her love’s shoulders and birds would fly around and shit, but it was _Chad_ , so he just sort of ugly cried into Harry’s shirt because he was pretty sure the pirate hadn’t been lying.

“…that a yes?” Harry asked, petting a hand through Chad’s hair.

“If- if you’re dumb enough to love me-” Harry interrupted him with a kiss, which was snotty and wet and likely not romantic at all, except he still took his time until Chad finally _relaxed_. 

“We’ll work on it,” Harry said with a grin when he pulled away, and Chad blubbered some more. 

“We need to get to the Enchanted Lake,” Jane announced. “Among other things, but that one’s first.”

“We can’t,” Chad sniffed, feeling himself blush a furious shade of pink when Harry wiped at his nose _for him_. “It’s c-closed.”

“Chad.” Jane gave him a patient look, leaning forward so she could nuzzle her head against his own. “Sometimes you’ve got to let other people help you. People with connections.”

“Like you?” Harry said, pressing a kiss to Chad’s hair.

Yeah, Chad could get used to that.

Jane smiled. “People like me,” she confirmed, petting Chad’s cheek. “We’ll get you and Jay to the lake, and then we’ll go from there, okay?”

“O-Okay,” Chad whispered, his body relaxing for the first time in forever. There was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. He could finally be _free_ , but more importantly, Jay could be too. He wouldn’t have to get tied down to Chad. “W-When?”

“I’ll try to make it happen tonight,” Jane said, like that was a thing she could actually do. “Harry, would you take care of Chad please?”

“It’d be my pleasure,” the captain said, and Chad even got the feeling _that_ was true too. Which was just… insane. This whole thing was insane.

But it was almost over, so that was something.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Chad wasn’t sure what magic Jane worked to sneak them into the Enchanted Lake late that evening, only that she assured them she had Ben’s permission, and that it was all perfectly above board. 

The tradeoff for this was that there were _way_ more people there than Chad had been expecting. In addition to Chad and Jay and Jane, the three expected, all three of the pirates were there, Harry scowling as though begging anyone to argue his presence while Gil hovered anxiously behind him. Uma was more composed, giving both of them occasional reassurances by way of shoulder pats and hand squeezes, and Chad wasn’t even jealous, because they both so obviously adored her. No matter what Harry said, Chad was pretty sure Uma was at least partly his love, even if Harry wasn’t _her’s_. 

Mal and Ben were there too, both wearing looks of confusion that indicated Jane hadn’t given the secret away. Ben’s concern was tinged with what seemed to be sorrow, though Chad didn’t know _why_. Mal’s was more defensive, her lips pulled down in a scowl and her arms folded across her chest as she seemed to glare at the world. The only time her gaze softened was when it landed on Jay, who mostly seemed lost. 

“A little will do it,” Jane said, briefing Jay and Chad as they tried and failed not to be nervous. “But if you want to be really sure you can go to the deep end, submerge yourself and give it a few seconds for the water to take effect.”

Chad nodded to show he understood, then pointedly did not look at Jay. “Thanks, Jane,” he whispered, and then he started the trek to the designated position, trying not to feel like a dead man walking. 

This was what he wanted. More than anything else, he needed _this_ , had needed it for months. He couldn’t tear up now just because he was getting it. 

“…Chad,” Jay said when they had climbed up onto the boulder and were staring down at the deceptively still waters. “I’m… whatever happens, I’m really sorry-”

Chad jumped in the lake.

Let it not be said he was not a dramatic asshole.

He heard Jay follow a few seconds later, not that he could register that because he could _feel_ the enchanted water pulse through his body, ripping out the compulsions that shouldn’t be there. He could feel the desperation and the steady need-need- _need_ that called him to Jay immediately snuff out, enough so he could _think_ again, only-

Only the small things were still there, the dangerous ones. 

Like the way Chad liked Jay’s smile, the way it was given so freely, or his _smirk_ , which should be infuriating but was actually quite fun. Like how Chad still looked forward to their banter, or the way Jay looked sated and flushed post-coitus, or his dumb grabby hands and his awkward attempts at flirtation. Chad still looked forward to Jay discovering new cultures, to climbing mountains no one else dared tread for the mere thrill of it all. Chad still liked his drive for victory and his dumb jokes and his love for Tourney. 

Chad still loved Jay. 

It was a thought that made him stop when he was waist-deep in lake water, walking back towards the stone dais where everyone else was waiting. He felt so wonderfully stupid, because apparently all those times he had nitpicked the rulebook had just been an excuse to talk to Jay, or the times he had broken into his room to use Carlos’ 3D printer had been a chance to invade his space, and Chad’s attempt to be Audrey’s henchman was made with the lingering hopes that Jay would show up at some point to save the day and Chad could _watch it_ for once, because he never got to, because he was always in the wrong place. 

Chad didn’t know when he started crying again, only that the world around him had gotten blurry and he heard Jay stop moving.

“…Chad?” the other teen asked, sounding uncertain.

“It didn’t work,” Chad whispered, because Jay deserved to hate Chad properly. “It… I don’t want to have sex with you as much, but I still love you, so…” His hands grasped uselessly at the water. “…so I guess that was always just a thing.”

He waited for like, Jay to punch him or something, because he was owed that much. Chad even held still for him, because he _could_ be a giver on rare occasions, and he didn’t even flinch when Jay grabbed him by his collar. 

He did squeeze his eyes shut, because he was only human, which was why he was entirely surprised when Jay mashed his lips against Chad’s.

Chad… _whined_. Or moaned. He did a hybrid, he didn’t know, it was very overwhelming and Jay was dragging him closer, licking into Chad’s mouth and Chad let him not because magic told him to, but because he _wanted_ to.

“But,” Chad gasped between kisses. “T-The spell-” 

“ _Chad_ ,” Jay laughed, tilting their foreheads together as he wrapped his arms around Chad’s waist. “I got drunk and spelled you to _like_ me. I think it’s pretty obvious how desperate I was to get your attention. I just- I couldn’t stand the thought of marrying you because you were spelled to do so.”

“Me too,” Chad gasped, shaking in Jay’s hold. “I hated it. I hated it; I didn’t want it like _that_.”

“Well…” Jay grinned, and it was a very brilliant grin. “I didn’t either, so-”

“ _Assholes_ ,” came from right beside them, and then Harry Hook was forcing himself into their group hug, kissing Chad soundly until he whimpered. “Took ye this long to figure out what the rest of us already knew. Now-” He grabbed Jay’s collar and dragged him down, Chad flushing at the very pretty picture a kissing Jay and Harry presented. “We are _all_ getting married, ye fucks.”

“Yep,” Gil said, because Gil had come too, and was wrapping himself around Chad and nuzzling into his hair like he wasn’t the worst human ever. “Since Ben made that legal.”

“He only made that legal so he and Mal could marry Uma,” Chad sniffed, rubbing at his cheeks.

“ _No_.” This came from Mal, apparently, who was also in the lake, along with Ben and Uma, because they were all lunatics. “He did it so we could _all_ get married, you assholes, because Jay is mine and Jay has had a crush on Chad for like, _ever-_ ”

“Yep,” Jay said proudly instead of denying it, which was just- wow.

“And Uma is badass and Harry and Gil belong to _her_ so-” Mal waved a dismissive hand before curling herself around Jay, and then Ben was um- hugging Chad and Gil, and Uma was wrapped around Harry. “Fuck Auradon’s expectations, we’re _all_ getting married.”

“If um- you want,” Ben added, wearing a bashful grin.

“They _want_ ,” Mal snapped. “They better want, we are awesome.”

“Chad has low self-esteem,” Jane said, because apparently all of them had to get into the lake at this point. “So you’d better be very clear about how much you want him.” She hugged them all with a giggle. “I am not marrying you, but it felt dumb to stand on the shore alone.”

“Fairy God people are allowed into any group hug,” Chad offered sagely, and it was worth it for Jane’s brilliant smile.

Mal blinked, then turned her striking green eyes onto Chad. “You have low self-esteem?”

“If you can’t tell by this point, his grandfather’s an abusive asshole,” Jay said, doing his damnedest to hug all of them despite having arms that were only so long.

“We’ll take care of that,” Ben said, all determined and noble like. “And um… I’m sorry I was pushing you guys to get married.”

“He was playing the self-sacrifice card,” Uma said with a roll of her eyes. “He didn’t want to get between you since he thought you two loved each other so much, so he was willing to let you go-”

“And make _us_ let you go,” Mal grumbled into Jay’s shoulder.

“-so you could live happily ever after.”

“And then you said that stuff about not having friends,” Ben said, hopelessly wounded as he gazed at Chad. “And I meant what I said, Chad. We _are_ friends and I care about you a lot, and not just because Jay likes you-” he added, likely sensing Chad’s protest. “But because you’re clever and funny and so charming that you’ve won over most of the kingdoms on both Isle matters and promoting non-heterosexuality so please just _trust_ that we want you around?”

“You make my boys happy,” Uma said. “That’s enough for me.”

“Doug said you’re the one that gave him all his Evie pep talks,” Mal offered, stroking Jay’s arm possessively. “When he was anxious for a date, he’d call you all worked up and you’d talk him down from it and then threaten to ruin his life if he told anyone. Which you will not do,” she said, reaching out to tap Chad’s nose. “Because he only told me to prove what a nice guy you are who doesn’t think he deserves recognition, so you are also good with me. And also-” She flicked Jay in the side of the head. “Why the fuck did we have to come to the Enchanted Lake? I _know_ this was your doing.”

“Um,” Jay said.

Chad laughed at him. He could do that now. “ _You_ get to tell her,” he said, leaning back into Harry and Gil. “Have fun with that.”

“But… you love me,” Jay said, batting his eyes hopefully.

Chad kissed him, because he could, and he sort of glowed with how much Jay _wanted_ it, because it seemed to be a good deal.

He broke off with a smile. “I do,” he said, feeling all warm at Jay’s responding grin. “But you started this mess, so you get to finish it.”

“Yeah, _Jadir_ ,” Harry cackled. “That’s what you get for doing drunken magic.”

“You used magic _drunk?_ ” Mal burst, and Jay’s pained look was glorious.

Because Chad might love the guy, and they might have gotten a happy ending, but _still_.

He deserved it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Jay, you unmitigated _dumbass_ ,” Mal snarled when they got back to Evie’s castle, the purple haired Lady of the Court pacing an angry circle around the guest suite Evie had given them. “You should have told me about this the moment it happened.”

“Okay, first off, I asked him not to,” Chad spoke up, because he’d wanted Jay to get dressed down but not like, _that_ dressed down. “And secondly, why is everyone forgetting that I also spelled Jay?”

“Because _yours_ was like, the most understandable response given the situation,” Mal snapped, though she seemed angrier at the world than at Chad particularly. “He made you a sex maniac so you had to create an equal sex maniac to carry out _Jay’s_ dumb wishes, because the asshole could own up to liking you when he was drunk but when he was sober he was an entire _shit_ about it.”

“I was- gay sex wasn’t a _thing_ ,” Jay pressed, his cheeks flaring with warmth. “You keep acting like that was a thing people did, but they _didn’t_. Of course it freaked me out that I wanted Chad.”

“And that’s our fault as much as anything else,” Ben sighed, expressing a genuine weariness as though he could in any way be a possible complication in this issue. “We – the royals of Auradon – were content with the hetero normative monogamy that was enforced in the public eye even if it didn’t _feel_ right, because it isn’t- it wasn’t normal. Saying that’s the only kind of love and that all others are invalid – _we_ let that happen. We let that spread to the Isle, even, because we let some bigoted ancestors wipe out the historical proof that said otherwise. I’m-”

“Ben,” Uma interrupted, her voice hard, even though a grin tugged on her lips. “Do not apologize for the failings of an entire society. This issue goes beyond you, and you already made steps to fix it. Now-” She cocked her head to the side. “You can apologize to Jay if you want for not being there for him while he epically struggled through his own attractions, but honestly, the dude had a giant crush on you too, so I don’t know how much _extra attention_ from you could have helped.”

“I _did not_ ,” Jay groaned, burying his face in his hands, which sort of confirmed the fact that he did.

Harry cackled. “Got a thing for princes, _Jadir?_ ”

“Shut up, Harry,” Jay grumbled, shooting the captain an unhappy look. “You like Chad too.”

“Yeah,” Mal drawled. “But Harry never like, eye-stalked Chad, unlike _you_.”

“ _Guys_ ,” Jay moaned.

“Relax, slick,” Uma chuckled. “We’re all engaged anyway. You don’t have to get embarrassed for us.”

“And um…” Ben was grinning as he slid next to Jay, and Chad hadn’t known that he needed the image of Ben wrapping himself around Jay’s side while the ex-thief like, flushed crimson, but apparently he did and it was _wonderful_. “I like you too, Jay.”

“It was a struggle,” Mal sighed. “To restrict him to calling you guys once a week.”

“Since it freaked Chad out so much,” Uma grumbled making a show of studying her nails.

“That was- I thought _he_ thought we were incompetent,” Chad pressed, getting a sad look from Ben that he had to ignore. “I didn’t think Ben actually liked us. Me. Me, particularly.”

Mal leveled a weighty finger at Chad. “We are going to work on that.”

“With time,” Gil said, wrapping an arm around Chad’s waist. “And cuddles.”

“This is fucking weird,” Chad grumbled, but he still cuddled into Gil’s side, because Gil cuddles were great. “What… what do we call ourselves, if we like boys and girls? I mean, is that a thing the public will even believe?”

“We’re _royalty_ ,” Mal scoffed, even though that title only applied to Ben and Chad for the moment. “If they don’t believe it now, they’re _going_ to and besides, whether they believe it or not doesn’t make it less real.”

“And um.” Ben cleared his throat. “I believe the answer to your questions is bisexuals. That’s when you like both. Bisexuality.”

“That sounds made up,” Jay grumbled. “I have literally never heard of that.”

“Well, we’re gonna put it on the map,” Uma declared. “Along with polygamy. Everyone okay with that?”

If they were all willing, and for whatever reason, _eager_ to put up with Chad, who was he to turn them down?

“Yep,” Chad said, sinking into Gil’s arms because he could and it didn’t make him dirty or broken. “I’m good with this.”

“Me too,” Gil chirped, pressing a kiss to Chad’s hair.

“Ye already know my vote, captain,” Harry said, trying to be suave but also sort of failing because his adoration was so strong.

Uma rolled her eyes. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t give up on me because you thought you weren’t good enough, Hook.”

Harry flushed. “I didn’t want to get in the way of your- _whatever_ ,” he said, shooting Ben and Mal a look. “And… besides, I wanted to watch after Gilly.”

“We can see how well that turned out.” Uma smirked, if only to make Harry blush darker.

“I am also good with this,” Jay cut in, holding up his hand. “For the record.”

“Fuck, we _know_ that,” Mal snarked, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “And I am also okay with this, and Ben is too, even though he thought we’d never get here.”

“I um-” Ben flushed. “It seemed like a lot to hope for.”

“ _Hope for_ ,” Chad wheezed, because who would hope for _this_ nonsense? Chad was probably going to spend the rest of his life crying on each of them, because he apparently had no chill.

“Yes.” Ben’s face got all determined, and he abandoned Jay to Mal’s waiting arms so he could cross the room to Chad, only he kept leaning into Chad’s space and-

That was- Chad was kissing a king. Oh hell, he did not know he wanted to do that until Ben was giving it to him.

Chad whined when Ben finally pulled away, grin looking triumphant.

“Yes, it was a hope,” Ben repeated, reaching forward to cup Chad’s cheek. “For all of you, and I am unspeakably grateful that we got this far.”

“Awww, _Benjamin_ ,” Uma cooed. “You say the nicest things.”

“I try,” Ben admitted, and then he kissed Chad again when he had a bunch of other very attractive and frankly _nicer_ people to kiss, so-

That was distracting.

And also very good. Very good.

-:-:-:-:-:-

It wasn’t that easy, of course.

They had to do things like _talk_ – about their feelings and their traumas or whatever. Chad had a terrible habit of downplaying all the horrible things that had happened to him in life through the necessity of survival. And, to be fair, most of the VKs were like that too, but they’d already begun the process of somewhat _considering_ therapy to help them process their traumas, and Chad just… hadn’t. It was expected for them to be hurt because they’d grown up on the Isle of the Lost. It was not expected for _him_ to hurt (or for Audrey to hurt) because they were royals who had supposedly grown up in loving and supportive families. 

The first time Chad recounted what would be a normal conversation between himself and his grandfather (exchanged at one of their monthly dinners, which the others had _thoughts_ on), Ben had to leave the room. 

Mal was the one who intercepted him before he did something like _go to Sardinia_ for the express purposes of punching Chad’s grandfather in the face.

Long story short, they found a more legal way of dealing with the Duke, which included grounds of willful neglect as copies of his orders came to light to the courts as to how young Chad was to be treated, and while Chad himself hadn’t been particularly sad (having lived through it already), Harry and Jay had been furious, and spent a lot of time cuddling the prince between them.

Well, everyone was furious, and Gil devastated, but like, they were the most _vocal_ about it.

So the Duke got taken away to one of the new containment centers aimed for rehabilitating the new villains of Auradon. Chad’s father seemed lost, for a time, but then Chad stepped up to fill in the shoes of the person who generally nudged the king in the appropriate direction. In light of the Duke’s arrest, the seven of them decided that it would be best for Chad to step up and act as king while his father finally got the help and chance at recovery he deserved. Chad spent a lot of time arranging for Dizzy to visit his father, his young cousin seeming about as magical as Gil when it came to brightening people’s day, and suddenly Chad and his father had something to _talk_ about, sharing frequent conversations about the young Tremaine’s progress. 

She was going to be a princess one day, Chad decided. She more than deserved it.

In the end, the fallout of Jay and Chad’s public canoodling turned out to be mostly positive. It just so happened that the majority of Auradon had been conforming to the unspoken rules of conduct long enough for them to question it. Almost everyone had a loved one who was ‘a little queer’, which inspired a wealth of empathy and understanding, and it was _those_ voices that overwhelmed the hate. 

It was a time of change in Auradon. The barrier had fallen, the magic ban was being lifted, and love was love was love was love was love, and as such, would be cherished in all forms.

It was an unquestionably strange adjustment, but with the King of Auradon himself leading the charge, no one could really fight it. And wasn’t that a damn day, when Ben went on live television and explained his new relationship, featuring, you know, _four other dudes_ , and the crowds went wild with a combination of excitement, confusion, and enthusiasm, before ultimately settling on support loud enough to drown out the naysayers.

“Just had to go steal me and Jay’s thunder,” Chad drawled lazily, and that was about all he got out before Ben _dipped_ him like the dork he was, pulling Chad into a soft, careful kiss. 

It was not the ending Chad had envisioned for himself, but it was the one he wanted, almost more than anything else.

“Hey,” Jay said later when they were cuddling in Ben’s giant bed because that was a thing they could do now. “Now that we’re publicly half-gay-”

“It’s just _bi_ , Jay,” Mal grumbled, rolling her eyes while she curled around Uma. “We’re _bi_.”

“Which is half-gay,” the Agraben teen continued on blissfully. “Will you wear the necklace I got you?”

“No,” Chad scoffed, because he loved Jay (and that damn stupid necklace), but there were _lines_. “Why did you get me that dumb thing anyway? I never wear jewelry.”

“Probably wanted to fuck ye while ye were wearing nothing but that,” Harry offered from where he was sandwiched between Ben and Gil.

The resulting blush was enough to confirm Harry’s theory as true.

“You idiot,” Chad said, but he was grinning, cupping Jay’s flushed cheeks for no reason other than he could. “You big, stupid, idiot person. You are lucky I like you so much. You would be lost without me.”

“Yeah,” Jay hummed, nuzzling into his hands with a look filled with love unkindled by magic. “You’re right about that one.”

Didn’t Chad damn know it. At least, he did now.

He felt like that counted for a lot.

“Kiss, you idiots,” Mal ordered.

And, well…

Who were they to deny a queen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s all folks, we did it! Thank you guys so much for the continued support and enthusiasm!! It is something I don’t take for granted, if you cannot tell by the excessive use of exclamation marks I tend to use!!! 
> 
> If you are looking for more Descendants content, I’ll be posting my next Chad-centric story, ['You're Gonna Feel Found'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446987/chapters/64437574) shortly. It starts off slower than this one did, and is an exploration of what could have happened if Chad and Evie actually dated in Descendants 1 :)
> 
> EDIT - Check it out, GoddessMillenia wrote a fun non-canon aside of what Mal and Ben could have been potentially talking about on their side of all those phone calls!! If you're looking for some more Descendants good times, check out ['The Bitch of Living: Flip Phone'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26463610).
> 
> Story notes:
> 
> Shout out to Lin-Manuel Miranda’s acceptance sonnet at the Tony’s for the ‘Love is love is love is love is love’ reference. 
> 
> Normally, I would post an extra chapter with all the deleted scenes that didn’t make it into the story, but for this particular fic I only have a series of scenes that came from what I dubbed ‘the dark ending’. It does eventually end in happiness, but it seemed unnecessarily angsty. I wasn’t going to post it for that very reason, but if there is enough demand, I’ll post it for you guys. 
> 
> Until next time :)
> 
> -:-:-:-:-:-
> 
> ‘She said, “Give me that hand, please and the itch you can’t control. Let me teach you how to handle all that sadness in your soul. Oh, we’ll work that silver magic, and we’ll aim it at the wall.” She said, “Love may make you blind, kid, but I wouldn’t mind at all.” Just the bitch of living, as someone you can’t stand.’ – ‘Bitch of Living’, from ‘Spring Awakening’.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Bitch of Living: Flip Phone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26463610) by [GoddessMillenia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoddessMillenia/pseuds/GoddessMillenia)




End file.
